


Somebody That I Used To Know

by VirtueToMoir (NycterisM)



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Future, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-18 18:48:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 48,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3580104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NycterisM/pseuds/VirtueToMoir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been ten and a half years since he last saw his best friend. Ten and a half years since he watched her board the train that took her out of his life for good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is strongly based on the 1998 Bollywood movie Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, particularly the second half of the movie. Some events will be directly lifted from KKHH and tweaked a bit to fit Tessa and Scott.

Scott Moir’s grey suit jacket pulled tight around his back as he leant against the cold dark window pane on one forearm at head height. He watched the lights of the city beyond. They twinkled back at him like promises through the lessening rain. The storm was passing.

It had been ten and a half years since he last saw his best friend. Ten and a half years since he watched her board the train that took her out of his life for good. Nine years since he married Emily. Eight years since Emily died one week after giving birth to their daughter. Eight years exactly tomorrow since the birth of the little girl who had been the sole light and love of his life for every one of those years.

Scott looked over his shoulder at the locked wooden cabinet in the corner of the lounge room. He rubbed his finger over the key in his hand. Pushing away from the window he skirted the coffee table and knelt on one knee before the cabinet. The key slid in easily and turned. A soft click turned the lock and held the key in place. He pulled open the door and smiled at the case of letters lying on top of the pile of albums within.

He drew one letter out and considered it a moment. Scott smiled and ran his thumb over the swirling letters that made up the address.

 

                To My Most Wonderful Tessa [8]

 

He leant back onto his heels and shut and locked the cabinet. He carried the letter with him down the dim hallway. He bent before his daughter’s bedroom door and slide the letter beneath it with a soft _thwip_.

That was the last one. The last time he’d perform this yearly ritual he had repeated eight times now. There were five more letters he would deliver, but not annually as the past eight had been. The remaining five were for special occasions.

Scott rose and clicked off all of the lights save for the one in the hall next to the bathroom door. He entered his bedroom and readied himself for sleep. Later as he lay in the darkness his mind travelled back to the time she had been born.

Emily had gone through great pain in delivering her. Scott had never felt so helpless in his entire life. All he could do was stand beside her, hold her hand, and offer encouraging words. It had seemed so pathetic in comparison to all the effort and pain she had been going through.

The labour was long and horrible. Emily had passed into brief unconsciousness. Still, no matter how much he begged, she was determined to deliver their baby without the aid of drugs or surgery.

At long last she was born. A red little girl with dark hair covered in white gunk. Scott thought she was the most beautiful creature he’d ever seen. The doctor placed her on Emily who was barely conscious and blinked tired smiles down at the equally tired tiny person.

Scott watched them and tried in vain to blink back the tears demanding to be released. He kissed them both and whispered how much he loved them over and over.

Hours later he cradled his daughter as he sat in the chair beside Emily’s bed. Emily blinked awake and smiled at them. Happiness filled her eyes but behind them was deep sadness. It was as though she already knew something was wrong.

They hadn’t yet named the baby. They’d had a few names picked out but hadn’t decided on one. Scott insisted on waiting for Emily before he made anything official.

He was about to ask when Emily spoke.

“Tessa.”

Scott looked at her in confusion.

“Her name is Tessa.” Emily nodded and smiled at him.

“What? Em, no. What?” He leant towards her, the baby slept on held against his chest and unaware such a large part of her life was being discussed over her head.

“Yeah.” Emily nodded firmly. “Tessa.”

Scott gaped at his wife and then wisely closed his mouth. He looked down at the tiny face and body bound into the pastel striped blanket.

“Tessa.” He whispered in agreement and greeting.

He looked back at Emily. The room lights shone in his watery eyes. He leant over and captured her lips in a kiss full of love and thankfulness.

That had been the last truly happy moment for some time. Complications arose and by the end of the week Emily had died. Scott hadn’t known until then that women could still die in childbirth. He’d thought it was something that only happened in medieval times when there weren’t doctors around.

After realising she was dying Emily had used her diminishing strength to write letters for her daughter. Eight for each of her first eight birthdays and five for special occasions that would likely come later. Her thirteenth, eighteenth, and twenty-first birthdays, her wedding day, and one more to be delivered on the birth of her first child.

Those letters were Tessa’s pride and joy. They were the thing she most looked forward to each year. Christmas had nothing on her birthday. In the beginning Scott read them to her. Tessa’s birthday, ever since her second, would always begin with her bounding out of bed as soon as she woke. She would grab her letter, which he’d delivered under her door after she’d gone to sleep the night before. She would run to his room and fling open the door. Seconds later she’d launch herself onto the bed and on top of him. She would snuggle into his arms and insist he read the letter immediately no matter how asleep he still was.

On her fourth birthday she began to try to read them herself first. Then once she realised there were still words she didn’t know she would give up and climb into Scott’s bed as usual. On her sixth birthday she did pretty well at reading it herself. That year when she climbed into Scott’s bed she read the letter to him. This happened again on her seventh birthday. He fell asleep with every reason to believe it would happen again tomorrow morning.

Only it didn’t.

 

* * *

 

 

While her father was still deep asleep Tessa’s brown eyes flew wide awake.

It was her birthday!

She threw back her covers and nearly fell out of bed in her haste to find her letter.

Her knees, clad in her favourite pink flannel pyjamas with cute elephants, landed on her cream carpet. She spotted her prize just inside the door and scrambled over to it. She looked at it reverently for a second and then grabbed it up.

The white envelope read the same as all the others had ‘To My Most Wonderful Tessa’. The only thing that changed was the number. Tessa kissed the envelope and climbed back into her bed. She pulled her bright purple covers up over her knees and slid her finger under the flap with great care. The paper gave way and she pulled the letter out. It was quite long this time. Longer than her other letters had been.

Tessa snuggled back against her pillows and began to read.

 

                _My Most Wonderful Tessa,_

_Happy Birthday! You’re eight today! I can hardly believe how gown up you are. I’ll bet you are the most beautiful and clever eight year old girl ever._

_In fact, I’m sure of it. I’m so sure of it that this birthday I am going to tell you a story. At the end of the story I will have a mission for you. I know that you are now old enough to do it, my big eight year old Tessa!_

_This story is about a very special woman. This is about the woman you are named after. Did you know you were named after someone, my Tessa? Perhaps you do. I don’t know what your dad has told you already. Perhaps you already know this woman. I hope that you do. If not this will all be a big adventure!_

 

Tessa shook her head at the letter in curiosity and spoke to her mother as she often did when reading her letters.

“Nope. I’m the only Tessa I know. Well, not the only one. There’s another girl at school called Tessa but I don’t see her much.”

Tessa continued to read. This letter was so different to her others.

 

_Tessa was a woman your dad and I knew a very long time ago, before you were born. And before I knew her your dad knew her. Actually, he knew her since he was younger than you are now. They were best friends when they were growing up and even after. There was no one in the world who knew your dad as well as Tessa did. She could make him laugh with just one look._

 

“I can too!” Tessa pointed out. All she had to do to make her dad smile or laugh was to look at him funny. It was her favourite trick. Especially when he hadn’t done it in a while.

 

_If you search the internet and type in the name Tessa Virtue, I bet you will see her easily. Both she and your dad were famous before you were born. Everyone in Canada knew their names. Maybe they still do._

 

Tessa shook her head. She didn’t think so. As hard as she tried to remember she had never heard of Tessa Virtue. She didn’t have a computer in her room. She would have to look later on the one in her dad’s office.

 

_Tessa and your dad were ice dancers. They danced so beautifully that everyone was amazed by them. They even met the Queen!_

 

Tessa stared at the paper, her eyes wide. Her dad had met the Queen? She looked up and in the general direction of his bedroom. There was so much she didn’t know about her own father. He was becoming a mystery to her.

 

_Everything was perfect. Then, one summer two years before you were born, I met them for the first time. That summer was so wonderful. The three of us very quickly became good friends. We had barbeques on the beach and had a lot of fun together. It was a perfect summer._

_That was when your dad and I fell in love. He was so wonderful and kind and funny I couldn’t help but love him. I thought Tessa did as well, but when we talked about it she would laugh and say that she didn’t._

_Your dad said the same thing. Soon he was asking me to do things by ourselves. We still did a lot of things with Tessa but we also started having fun with just the two of us. We loved each other very much and we thought nothing would be able to break the happiness we felt._

_Then one day I went for a walk along the beach and I saw Tessa sitting on a bench by herself. She was watching the ocean and crying. I hurried over to her and asked her what was wrong. She said nothing and smiled at me. I knew something had happened but she wouldn’t tell me._

_I found out the next day. Your dad and I went to find her to ask her to come with us to a party. When we got to her apartment she wasn’t there. Her housemates said she had left. She was going home because her mother was sick. Her mother was not really sick. That was just her reason. She was really leaving because she had realised that she did love your dad after all._

_We quickly drove to the train station and found the train she was leaving on. I followed and helped look as your dad ran along the train looking into each carriage. He kept yelling her name and calling for her._

_Eventually he found her at one of the windows. He jumped onto the train and tried to pull her off. She wouldn’t come any further than the entrance to the carriage. He let go of her hand after she pulled back so strongly he had to or he would have tripped on the steps._

_I always remembered what he said. He said, “Please Tess, please!” Then when she shook her head and wiped at her tears, he said “Tutu, you’re breaking my heart.”_

_Tutu was his name for her ever since they were little because she liked ballet. But she still shook her head. She said so seriously, “Good bye, Scott. It’s better this way.” Then she pulled her favourite white knitted hat off her head and threw it past him to me. It was the same hat I gave your dad to give to you. I hope you still have it._

 

Tessa did. She looked up at it hanging on her coat rack with her scarves.

 

_Oh my darling, eight year old Tessa, it wasn’t better. It was terrible. I knew then what I had done. I had come between them. I didn’t mean to but I had. The train pulled away from the station and even though your dad ran after it as far as he could down the platform she still wouldn’t come down. She waved and went back inside to her seat._

_That was the last time we saw her. Your dad was so angry and hurt. He wouldn’t look for her. Then when he had calmed down and we started to search for her together we found that she had disappeared. She wasn’t anywhere we knew about and none of our friends could tell us anything either._

_We eventually stopped looking. Your dad asked me to marry him and I loved him so much I couldn’t say no. And then you were coming along and we were both so happy again. But I never forgot about Tessa. Your dad didn’t either, but he would never talk about her._

_Tessa, I think you know what your mission will be now._

 

Tessa nodded in utter seriousness. Her mind already spun with possibilities.

 

_Tessa, can you try to find her? Can you find Tessa Virtue for your father? He needs her so badly, and she needs him. I don’t know what her life is like now, but I know she can never be completely happy without him. And he can’t be completely happy without her._

_Tessa, will you do your best to find her? I know this is nearly an impossible mission, but I have faith that you can do it._

_Good luck, my Tessa!_

_I love you so very much!_

_All my love, Mom._

 

Tessa stood on her bed and thrust her hands and the letter in the direction of her father’s room. “You have some explaining to do, Mister!”

She jumped off her bed and ran down the hall. Halfway down she stopped and ran back to her room. If her dad was so secretive and wouldn’t even talk about Tessa Virtue, like her mom had said, then the plan would probably work better if he didn’t know about it.

She hid the letter inside her books on her bookcase and made her way to his room. She pushed the door open with a slow creak. The room inside was still mostly dark. The sun had just begun to creep above the horizon. She could see her dad’s body in the bed. He was lying on his back as he usually did.

She tiptoed over the carpet and climbed onto the bed with great care. When she stood above him on the bed she yelled, “Happy MY Birthday, Daddy!”

Scott’s eyes flew open and his arms reached up just in time to catch her as she fell in a body slam on top of him.

“Oomph! Ah! Tessa!” He groaned, closed his eyes again, and rolled with her till she was pinned into his side. She wriggled until she could get her hands up to his face.

“Daddy.” She whispered and smooshed his cheeks with her hands. “Daddy.” She said again, a little louder.

“I know, I know.” He confirmed, his eyes still closed. “Where’s your letter?”

“I left it in my room.” Tessa grinned. “It’s a secret letter this time.”

“What?” Scott opened his eyes. “What’s in it?” He smoothed her curls of dark hair back from her face.

“Things that are only for Mom and me.” Tessa lay down, trapping his hand between her head and the pillow.

“Oh, girl stuff, huh?”

Tessa nodded in importance.

“Okay. You can have your secrets.” Scott pulled her in closer. “Happy Birthday, honey.”

“Thanks.” Tessa giggled. “Daddy, guess what.”

“What?” Scott had a good idea where this conversation was going, having repeated it a million times over the years.

“I love you.” Tessa answered and Scott grinned at her.

“I love you too, Tessie my Tessa.” He planted a big long kiss on her cheek and rolled over her into the bed.

“Ugh, help! Daddy!”

“What?” He dragged out, muffled into the pillow.

“You’re squashing me.” Tessa gave a few exaggerated gasps for air to prove her point.

“No, I’m not.”

“Are too!”

“Oh really?” Scott leaned up over her. Then quick as a wink he yanked up her pyjama top and blew raspberries on her belly.

Tessa shrieked and scrambled to get away. Unfortunately for her the strength of a full grown athletic man trumps that of an eight year old girl. She had no choice but to keep squirming and wait for him to stop of his own accord. Which was only after a few seconds and three bouts of raspberries.


	2. Chapter 2

Scott heaved a sigh that rose Tessa, who was snuggled on top of his chest, into the air. He rubbed her arms, the flannel of her pyjamas moving along her skin with his hands.

“Alright, Bug.” He sat up, rolling her onto his legs. “Let me grab a shower and then I’ll start the pancakes.”

Tessa nodded and sat back on her heels. Scott shoved back the covers and stood up. The bottoms of his own flannel pyjama bottoms settled comfortable around his ankles. He stretched his arms over his head, pulling his t-shirt tight across his chest.

“Daddy-.” Tessa began.

“I know, I know. Shapes and chocolate chips, right?” Scott ruffled her hair over her head and eyes as she giggled.

“Yup!” Tessa grinned and walked to the door as Scott moved in the opposite direction towards his ensuite bathroom.

“Alright, I’ll be there in five.” Scott rocked his head side to side, trying to release the tension in his neck.

Tessa, who understood that ‘five’ was more likely to mean ‘ten’ or ‘fifteen’ gave a bright “Okay!” She mumbled something about checking for birthday messages and left for their home office.

If there was anything odd about Tessa checking for messages on their computer instead of on her phone Scott was far too sleepy to notice. He half fell through his bathroom door, feet shuffling against the tiles and bathmat. The door shut a little too heavily as he fell against it and began to prepare for the day.

Tessa skipped to the office. Opening the door to the dark room she switched the light on and called, “Sandra, wake up.”

The soft red blinking light on the front of the screen changed to a solid red light. A quiet whirring filled the room as the computer rose out of slumber.

Tessa sat in front of the screen as it lit up with the pretty purple swirls of the desktop. Tessa had chosen it a week ago after getting bored with the previous pink swirls it had replaced.

“Good morning, Tessa.” The computer greeted her in a gentle female voice.

“Sandra, I need to search for something but I need Dad not to find out. Can you do that?” Tessa leant closer to the screen in conspiracy.

“I can. But Tessa, this isn’t anything naughty is it?” Sandra checked, her child protection software kicking in at the prospect of hiding something from the designated parent.

“No, no!” Tessa waved her hands for emphasis. “No, it’s, it’s just a surprise for him, that’s all. It’s for his birthday.”

Sandra went quiet for a moment. Scott Moir’s birthday was September 2nd and it was only June 20.

“You are very organised this year, Tessa.” The computer weighed it up and decided. “Okay. I have created a secret folder. What would you like to search for?”

“Please find Tessa Virtue.” Tessa clasped her hands together in her lap and waited while images filled the screen.

Picture after picture of a beautiful brunette woman in equally beautiful clothes began to float across the surface. Every now and then there was one which was a different person. Tessa ignored those as not the right person. She flicked them away with her fingers.  Sometimes it was the same woman but her hair was different, sometimes red, sometimes curly, but mostly brown like Tessa’s own hair.

There was one defining aspect about these photos which confirmed Tessa’s belief that she had found the correct woman.

Her father was also in at least half of the photos.

“She’s so beautiful.” Tessa smiled.

“Yes. The dimensions of her face are very pleasing.” Sandra agreed.

Some of the images were moving. Tessa watched the short clips, her mouth hung open a little in surprise. She watched as her father lifted the other Tessa into the air. She watched as they spun in circles together. She watched as they hugged. She watched as they laughed. And that was something.

It wasn’t that her father never laughed. He did. But there was this special way he would laugh. When Tessa could see the happiness filling his eyes and shining from within him. He only smiled and laughed like that when they were alone. When she had made him laugh.

But here, in these images from so long ago, he was laughing. He was laughing in that same way she’d always thought was a secret between them. But he was doing in in the middle of crowds of people. In front of cameras with dozens of lightbulbs in his face. And he was doing it because he was looking at her.

Then Tessa knew. Her mother had been right.

She needed to find Tessa Virtue.

She needed to find her so he would laugh and smile like that all the time.

“She’s someone my dad used to know.” Tessa’s eyes remained glued to the screen.

“Yes.” Sandra confirmed. “He is in many of the photos with her.”

Tessa heard the shower shut off across the hall. She only had a couple of minutes left.

“Sandra. Can you find where she is now?” Tessa stood up and walked behind the chair, ready to leave.

“I will look for her. It will take some time. Would you like me to search for her in the background?” Sandra offered.

“Yes, please. As long as Dad doesn’t find out.”

“I understand.” The computer hummed.

“Goodbye Sandra.” Tessa pushed the chair back to the desk as the screen went dark once more.

She ran to the kitchen. She had a plan to find out what her father really thought about Tessa Virtue. Yesterday she’d seen a game played on one of her favourite shows. Delia with her bright pink curly hair had jumped and clapped and promised this game was a sure fire way to find out what was really in someone’s heart. It had seemed to work on the show so Tessa was excited to try.

 

* * *

 

Tessa made it to the kitchen before Scott and climbed up onto one of the bar stools. She rested her hands folded in front of her on the counter.

Scott rounded the wall separating the kitchen from the hallway and lounge area of their apartment. His dark hair was still damp and he was dressed in his usual jeans. Today he also wore a black t-shirt with a large grey and white design was scratched down one side. He chuckled at Tessa’s oddly innocent posture.

“What are you up to?” He leant in front of her over the counter.

“Nothing.” Tessa blinked at him.

“Okay then.” Scott let it go even though it was clear she was up to something. “So chocolate chip birthday pancakes.” He began pulling a large bowl, utensils, and ingredients out of the cupboards. He measured and mixed the batter together until he was satisfied and then folded in the chocolate chips.

He moved to the stove and turned on the heat.

“Dad, I want to play a game.”  Tessa leant on her folded arms and rocked herself up to sit on her knees.

“Sure. What game?” Scott poured the first small circle of batter into the pan, checking the temperature.

“It’s a game I saw on TV yesterday.” She explained. “I say a word and you have to say the first thing that comes to your mind. Okay?”

“Okay.” Scott chuckled. How unoriginal, he thought.

“Clouds.” Tessa said.

“Um.” He poked at the tiny pancake. “Sun.” He replied.

“That’s taking too long you can’t think. You have to say it right away.” Tessa clarified.

“Okay. Okay.” Scott shifted the little test pancake to the waiting plate. Satisfied with the heat, he began to pour a teddy bear into the pan.

“Trees.” She shot.

“Wind.” He replied with a flutter of his hand.

One big circle for a body.

“Time.”

“Late.” He groaned.

One medium circle for the head.

“Grandma.”

“Grumpy.” He chuckled.

Four smaller circles for the arms and legs

“Winter.”

“Ice.” Scott focused closer on the pan, adding two tiny drops for the ears.

“Tessa.”

“Virtue.” The word flew from his mouth before he could catch it.

Tessa jumped on it.

“Virtue?”

Scott shuffled a bit. He took his time testing how done the bear was on its first side.

“Who’s Tessa Virtue?” Tessa rocked so far forward over the counter in excitement she was in danger of swinging the bar stool over behind her.

“Just. Just someone I used to know.” Scott flipped the bear pancake with as much care as he could.

“When did you know her?” Tessa asked. She leant to the side, trying to see his face.

“A long time ago. Before you were born.”

“What was she like?” Tessa refused to give up.

“She was-.” Scott faltered. How could he describe her? He couldn’t. She was so much that only one word could encapsulate her. Tessa. He settled for a few basic facts. “She was very- um- hard working. She was beautiful. She was my best friend.”

He placed the bear on the plate and added two fresh chocolate chips for eyes. Turning he saw Tessa’s wide eyes shining at him.

“Sit properly, please.” He waved the spatula, motioning from her butt towards the seat. “Come on you know better than that.”

Tessa obeyed and slid back. She caught the stool with her feet and placed her bottom in the centre of the seat.

Scott put the plate before his daughter along with a fork and knife and a bowl of strawberries he’d washed the night before. The selection of sauces were next to her but he knew she wouldn’t take any of them. She liked her chocolate pure and unadulterated, except by pancake batter that was.

“How come I don’t know her?” Tessa asked around a mouthful of pancake.

Scott sighed.

“Why all the questions about Tessa Virtue all of a sudden?” He turned back to the pan and poured in two somewhat round circles for himself.

Tessa made a quick recovery.

“I’ve just never heard her name before, that’s all.”

Scott, more than willing to drop the conversation, let it slide.

“Okay, well just eat your bear.”

He didn’t mean to sound blunt and he would apologise to her for it later. It was just that he had no desire to discuss Tessa with Tessa. He had no desire to discuss her with anyone and hadn’t in a very long time, which he supposed was why his daughter had never heard of her namesake.

Time was meant to heal all wounds, but it hadn’t healed his. It was still as gaping and fresh as the day he’d lost her. If he ignored that corner cupboard deep in his soul where he’d shoved her he was fine, happy even. But whenever he crept too close to that door he’d feel the pain flowing from it in waves and abruptly turn away.

They continued in silence, Scott cooking pancakes and Tessa eating them. After a few minutes the conversation struck up again but on the lighter topic of her birthday party that evening.

 

* * *

 

Tessa’s birthday had so far gone as well as she and Scott could have wished for. After breakfast they headed out for a walk through the botanical gardens. Tessa loved it there. She laughed and skipped and made Scott smell every flower she found. They stayed in the Gardens till lunch when Scott pulled out the rolls and pastries he’d bought from a bakery on their way out that morning. After eating, Tessa lay back on the picnic blanket in the sun and chatted about everything from school to what was happening on her favourite TV show. Scott lay beside her. He interjected a question or comment now and then but otherwise he was more than happy to let her babble to her heart’s content.

After lunch they headed home to prepare for her party that evening. It wouldn’t be a very big one, just a few family members and friends. His parents would make the drive up from Ilderton. It was a long way, but they had always made a point of being there for their grandkids’ birthdays if at all possible. They’d spend the night in a hotel, their usual one where they were now on greeting card terms with the owners. They’d head home again the next day. Tessa’s maternal grandparents lived too far away to be seen often. She only saw them every third Christmas or so and had to get to know them and her Alberta cousins again each time she did.

Patrick Chan would also come with his wife Clara. They’d been married three years now and lived only two blocks from Scott and Tessa. They saw each other so much they were effectively family, as evidenced by Tessa only referring to them as Uncle Chiddy and Auntie Clara.

Two of Tessa’s closest friends from school, Jane and Olivia (or Livy as she insisted) would also come. Eight people might not seem like enough for a party but the two bedroom apartment was small enough that that would seem like a crowd. They would be dodging each other all evening.

“Tessa?” Scott called from the kitchen where he was arranging a plate of brownies. He’d bought them at the same time as their lunch. He might not be a bad cook when it came to pancakes, but he drew the line at attempting things like brownies. He pushed the plate aside and started arranging another of dip and carrots and other healthy items. Arranging food in Scott’s mind meant putting things in circles on plates. Soon their small table would be covered in wheels.

“Yep?” Tessa poked her head sideways around the corner of the wall.

“Can you open the chips and nuts? The bowls are there.” Scott picked up two of the platters and poked his arm at the empty bowls waiting on the counter.

Tessa hopped around the corner and he saw she now wore her favourite dress. She’d bought it on a shopping trip last month with Clara. It was made of shiny purple fabric that shone pink when she hit a certain light. The bottom of it was covered in purple light-weight tulle, which Scott refused to think looked a little like a tutu.

Her black shoes tapped on the wooden floor as she spun into the kitchen and began opening the bags with care. Scott’s lips tightened a little. He stepped around her and carried the platters into the small dining area and placed them on the table.

He turned back for more plates and bowls when the doorbell chimed.

Tessa ran over to the screen and pressed the button to let inside whoever lucky guest number one would be.

“It’s Grandma and Grandpa!” She announced. Scott nodded. He probably could have guessed that. Punctuality was high on Alma Moir’s list of important traits and Joe Moir was rarely tardy when it came to seeing his grandkids.

The door soon opened and Tessa was swept into her grandfather’s arms.

“Hey there, Tessie!” She laughed and squirmed against him as he rubbed old man kisses into her cheeks.

“Hi Grandpa.” Tessa laughed. “Did you have a good drive? Were the roads good?” Tessa had no idea what made a road good or bad but it was what Scott always asked them so she figured she should too.

“Yes, they were great.” Joe laughed. “Thank you, honey.”

“Come on, Joe, I need hugs too.” Alma reached for Tessa. Joe obediently gave her up and set her back on the floor so she could hug her grandmother.

“How has your birthday been, sweetie?” Alma rubbed her hand up and down Tessa’s back.

“Great.” Tessa mumbled out from where her mouth was smooshed against Alma’s breasts. Alma gave one more tight squeeze and let her go. She looked her up and down.

“Well don’t you just look like you’re eight!” She announced. “You’re growing into a lovely young lady.” Alma nodded her approval.

“Thanks, Grandma.” Tessa laughed.

“Okay then, let’s see about this party, huh?” Alma turned around ready to take charge.

“Oh, Scott, why did you put that there?” She swapped the placement of one bowl of chips for the brownies. Scott shrugged. It didn’t seem to matter to him, but he was willing to let his mother change what she would.

The doorbell rang again and soon the rest of the party guests were inside. Everyone chatted loudly, laughing over the music and joking over the snacks.

Tessa slipped unnoticed through a gap between her grandparents, no mean feat, and tapped Patrick on the elbow. Once she had his attention she motioned for him to follow her down the hall. She made a quick stop in her bedroom and then pulled the curious lithe man into the office. She shut the door behind them and flicked on the light.

“What’s going on, Little T?” Patrick nursed his cup of bubbly orange drink and handful of nuts.

“I need you to help me with something.” Tessa turned around solemnly and held the letter out to him.

Patrick threw the rest of the nuts into his mouth and placed his cup on the desk. He wiped his hands on his trousers, something he would deny to Clara if she ever asked, and took the letter. He flipped it over in his hands and read the address.

“Oh, is this your birthday letter?”

Tessa nodded.

“Please read it quickly. We can’t get caught.”

Patrick raised an eyebrow at that but he pulled the paper from the envelope and started to read. Tessa waited, holding her hands and playing with her fingers until he was done.

At last he reached the end and sighed a quiet, “Oh Em.” He looked up and Tessa saw his eyes were wet. He sniffed a little and cleared his throat.

“Can you help?” Tessa asked.

“Sure, but how?” Patrick scratched his head. “It’s not like we’ve never tried to find her, Bug. No one knows where she is.”

“I asked Sandra to look this morning.” Tessa informed him. “Maybe she has an answer now.” She turned to the dark screen. “Sandra, wake up.”

A few moments of whirring and blinking later and the screen was once again bright with purple swirls.

“Good evening, Tessa.” Sandra clipped.

“Sandra, have you found Tessa Virtue?” She jumped right to the point. Any minute now she feared her dad would come down the hall looking for them.

“I have.” Sandra confirmed. “Would you like to see her now?”

“Yes!” Both Tessa and Patrick leant towards the screen in anticipation.

An icon of a folder appeared and opened on the screen. Images and documents flew out of it to spread across the surface. In these photos Tessa Virtue looked much the same as the ones Tessa had seen that morning, only she looked a little older and much sadder. In the ones from the morning she was always smiling and laughing. In these ones she still smiled but it wasn’t as big or as bright and never reached her eyes.

“Oh Tessa.” Patrick sighed.

A document flew to the forefront of the images.

“Tessa Virtue is currently living in Toronto.” Sandra announced.

“She lives here?” Tessa jumped in excitement.

“Yes.” Confirmed Sandra, displaying the address on the screen.

“Hmm. How are we going to do this?” Patrick queried.  “I don’t think we can just walk up and knock on her door after all this time.”

“In one week she will be at Camp Sunshine, Ontario.” The address and a brochure for the camp flew onto the screen. “She has worked at the camp every summer since 2018. She teaches recreational ballet.

“Of course she does.” Mumbled Patrick, more than a little disappointed in himself for not finding this information much earlier.

Tessa gasped and clapped her hands.

“Sandra! You’re a genius!” She announced. “I’ll go to the camp!”

“I don’t know if they’ll let you in.” Patrick pointed to the application date that closed the week before.

“Oh.” Tessa’s face fell.

“I’ll ask Clara to call them.” Patrick decided. “She can be plenty persuasive when she wants to be. I’m not sure your dad will let you go though.”

Tessa had never gone to a summer camp before. This was partly because she hadn’t been old enough until the past year, but it was also, and perhaps more importantly because Scott tended to be a little too protective when it came to his daughter. It was something he’d lightened up on over the past few years, but something that was definitely still in play.

“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.” Tessa nodded with confidence and then pulled her lips together in determination. “We have to figure it out.”

They stood for a moment, both looking at the brochure and considering the way forward.

“Come on. We have to get back. Dad will come looking.” Tessa straightened up. “Sandra, hide all of this again, please.”

The information flew back into the folder which then disappeared.

“Goodnight, Sandra.” Tessa said and the screen went dark once more.

The co-conspirators crept back to the party and acted for all the world as though they had never left.

 

* * *

 

In a house three suburbs away from Tessa’s birthday party, Tessa Virtue inspected herself in a floor length mirror. She wore a short crisp white dress with two bands of solid black running around the hem. Her hair was caught up into a soft ponytail high on her head.

She smiled a little and nudged her white pearl drop earring. It danced and swung, tugging at her earlobe. She remembered how his fingers would catch on her earrings as he drew them from her hair down her jawline. He would cause her earrings to dance just like this, pulling a little on the bottoms of her ears.

His hands on her face. His palms holding her head. His fingers threading through her hair as he hugged her. The look in his eyes. These were the things she tried so hard to hang on to. She needed them.

The memory of him was enough, had been enough to carry her through the years that stretched the distance between them. Memories that were simultaneously too painful to bear and utterly necessary for her to stand and continue on. She knew somewhere in the world he was happy. Somewhere without her his life was wonderful.

Sometimes she wished she could see through the window of his house. She imagined he lived in a large white house in the country. It would have big trees to climb and rooms for several children. But she knew if she were given that chance, to peer through his window, she wouldn’t be able to let go. She wouldn’t be able to leave again. She would become a statue planted in his yard unable to do anything but watch.

So yes, she reminded herself, it was best that she had never tried to find out what his life was like now. It was best that she remain with only her memories and imagination.

It wasn’t like she had done nothing but mope over the past ten years, something of which her mother occasionally accused her. She had completed her psychology degree and gone on to complete her Master’s degree as well. She had a great job where she helped people. She loved it when she saw them able to grow and move past whatever had been blocking them from living a fulfilled life.

Her mother found that sadly ironic and would mention it to her at least a couple of times a year when the thought struck her again. Usually this was at Christmas when Tessa was the only child she had still seated alone at the table. Or when another of Tessa’s boyfriends had been asking her to move forward and move in with them and she had turned them down.

Finally Kate Virtue had had her wish granted. Waiting downstairs for Tessa to join them was a party full of people who wished her well. And a fiancé.

James had had the great fortune of asking Tessa after she’d had a particularly tough week at work. She had a new client who was finding it too difficult to move past an issue a man in her past had gifted her with. This issue was now causing the woman great problems in her current marriage. It was driving her from a husband who adored her and threatening to ruin her future. Tessa couldn’t help but be struck by the similarities. So when James had knelt beside their outdoor table in a restaurant covered with lanterns. She had agreed.

And why should she not? There was no reason she should not marry James. He loved her. He made her laugh. He’d done everything in his power to make her happy and she knew he would continue doing so. It wasn’t his fault that when he’d dropped her off at her apartment later she had given him a swift good night kiss, shut the door in his face, and rushed inside to throw up.

It wasn’t his fault she had sat on her bathroom floor crying and shaking after her stomach had been emptied of all the creamy pasta she’d eaten. It wasn’t his fault that she’d had to talk to herself, to reason with herself, to convince herself that this was a good step.

It wasn’t his fault that now, standing before her mirror, the only thing she wanted was for a dark-haired man to come and wrap his arms around her. To declare he loved her no matter what. To whisper ‘together’ in her ear as he nudged her earring.

Tessa smoothed her hands down her stomach. The fabric of her white dress crinkled beneath her hands. Her eyes fluttered closed as she counted long breaths. One. Hold. Release. Two. Hold. Release. Three. Hold.

“Tessa, it’s time.” Kate called from the doorway.

Tessa jumped. The held breath escaped her lungs like a frightened kitten. She gave her mother a shaky smile.

It’s time. Time to be happy. Time for the future to begin. Time to stop thinking of the past. She looked hard into the mirror, daring herself to back down. She could do this. She could be happy.

She smiled in encouragement at her reflection.

It was time to stop hoping.

She walked towards her mother and the door.

It was time to stop waiting.

Kate looped an arm around her daughter’s waist and together they walked down the hallway towards the party.

It was time to live again.


	3. Chapter 3

James lounged on Tessa Virtue’s bed and watched her pack. Practiced neat piles of clothes surrounded her suitcase as she looked them over and counted outfits. He nursed a half full mug of coffee and waved his hands through the air as he chatted.

“Come on, Tessa. We need to set a date.”

“I know.” She nodded and rolled a t-shirt with care before placing it into the suitcase. She’d learnt long ago that neat rolling would minimise the need for ironing. It was now second nature to pack her bags in this way.

Tessa hoped he’d drop the subject. She didn’t have any desire to think about it right now. She was looking forward to camp, and would much rather dwell on thoughts of children shrieking in delight as they fell from canoes or created masterpieces of artwork. And then there were her little ballerinas. Several children were regulars and had been attending the camp for years. She loved watching their friendships form and seeing them improve in poise and grace. She had devised a beautiful new ballet for them to learn and perform and she couldn’t wait to see what they thought of it. Wasn’t it enough she and James were engaged? Couldn’t the wedding date question wait till after she got home? Apparently not.

“I’m thinking this fall.” James lay back against the pillows and rested his mug against his chest. “You’d look amazing with all the fall colours.”

Tessa wrinkled her nose a little. Fall had never been a part of her young wedding dreams. But then, neither had James.

“Maybe.” She mused and picked a piece of fluff off a pair of blue socks.

“We could have it outdoors. Pretty golden leaves falling on your hair.” James sighed and grinned.

“Uh huh.” _Sounds cold_. Tessa reached for the next t-shirt.

James’ happy sighs turned to ones of sad wistfulness. “I can see you’re not feeling this.” He pushed his coffee mug onto the bedside table and jumped to his knees. He leant over the bed and Tessa’s clothes, raising his face beneath hers. “But you will. I’ll convince you and you’re gonna be gorgeous.”

Tessa gave him a half-hearted smile.

James grew serious.

“Tessa.” He held her hands and the t-shirt. “You do want to marry me, don’t you?”

Tessa blinked and arranged her features into the best smile she could manage.

“Of course.”

James watched her for a moment and then grinned.

“Good!” He teased and released one of her hands in favour of bopping her under the chin. “Because you can’t get out of it now. I’ll drag you to the altar if I have to!”

He pressed a kiss to her lips and spun away across the bed in giddy excitement. Tessa hardly had time to drop the crumpled t-shirt before he rounded the bed, pulled her into a strong hug, and kissed her again.

“I’ll be so lonely without you for three whole weeks so you’d better have an awesome camp to make up for it!” His face fell into mock despair. “All I have is a dumb conference. Can I come with you instead?”

“You’ll be fine.” She patted his arm knowing that he’d find some way to enjoy himself wherever he went, boring business conference or not.

“Where’s the sympathy?!” James wailed and waved his hands to the ceiling.

Tessa giggled, bringing a pleased sparkle to his eyes.

“Okay. I’ll leave you to pack. I’ve got to go make sure Cerise has everything under control.”

Tessa nodded and after a final swift kiss to her cheek he bounded out the door with calls of seeing her that night.

Tessa sighed and turned back to her suitcase. The careful piles of clothes were all now a little toppled but it was nothing she couldn’t easily fix. She wondered, not for the first time, why anyone would name their daughter after a fruit and why James insisted on keeping a secretary he constantly had to check was doing her job properly, no matter how sweet and giving she was.

 

* * *

Tessa Moir sat cross-legged on her father’s bed watching him roll clothes and pack them into a small suitcase.

“Any plans while I’m gone, Bug?” Scott tucked a tie in beside a crisp white shirt.

“Not really.” Tessa rocked from side to side. She didn’t like lying to him, but this was important. He had to go to the conference with no clue a scheme waited to be carried out in his absence.

“Auntie Clara’s coming to get you soon. Are you all packed?”

“Yep!” She nodded in enthusiasm. Her pink suitcase stood waiting in her room. It included not only her usual items for a stay at Patrick and Clara’s house, but also those included on Camp Sunshine’s list of things to bring to camp.

 “That’s my girl.” Scott grinned at her, proud of how organised and grown up she was at only just eight. His face fell into seriousness and he leaned over to give her pony tail a tug. “I’ll miss you, honey.”

Tessa nodded and smiled. “I know. I’ll miss you too.”

She stood, leapt over the suitcase and into his arms. Her knees hugged his waist and she wrapped her arms around his neck. His arms encircled her back and he squeezed her tight. After a moment Scott’s arms fell to create a seat for her to sit on and he leaned back a bit. She clasped her hands behind his neck and he pressed a kiss to her forehead before leaning his own against hers.

“It’s only for a little while, just three days.” It was unclear if he was reassuring her or himself. “I’ll be back home before you know it.”

“I know.” Tessa nodded and curled down to rest her head on his shoulder, snuggled against his neck. This was much easier when she was little. She could hardly fit against him like this anymore.

She was a little scared of how he was going to react when he found out she had gone to camp against his wishes. She didn’t like it when he was angry with her. But this was important. Her mom had given her a mission to complete and even if he was going to be angry, she had to do it. Still, a bit of fear settled in the pit of her stomach.

They had tried to reason with him, to get him to let her go to the camp, but he had refused. ‘No camps until she’s ten.’ She didn’t understand what would make her more ready for camp when she was ten but he had been adamant. No amount of pleading, begging, or tears on her part had swayed him. Patrick and Clara had also tried to reason with him and to point out how grown up Tessa was, but his face had remained a stony mask.

The doorbell chimed. Scott let her slide from his arms to run and answer it, following her down the hall.

“Hi Clara!” Tessa beamed as she heard her voice request entrance through the speaker. Tessa pushed the button and moment later flung the door open to greet the woman who was effectively her aunt. Clara was dressed in a blue summery skirt and matching top. She squeezed a small bag under her arm. Her straight black hair fanned across her back.

“Hi there, Bug. Hi Scott.” Clara grinned at them both and drew Tessa close for a side hug. “Ready to go?”

“Yep!” Tessa grinned at her co-conspirator and skipped off down the hall to fetch her luggage. She heard the two adults discussing something, probably her dad thanking Clara for her help. Tessa giggled as Clara assured him she would be no problem and that she loved having his daughter to stay.

Tessa trundled down the hall, her suitcase trailing behind her and her favourite pillow hugged under her arm.

“You need a suitcase that big?” Scott asked in surprise. “You’re only going for a couple of days.”

Tessa faltered, searching for a good response. Clara came to her rescue and took the suitcase from her.

“It’s summer, Scott. A girl need options.”

Scott rolled his eyes and Clara stood back to wait for them to say their goodbyes.

“Alright.” He sank to his knees before Tessa. “Call if you need anything. You have your charger?”

Tessa nodded and Scott gave her waist a squeeze.

“Okay then.” He pulled her close and wrapped her into an engulfing hug. “Bye, Babygirl.” He whispered the nickname reserved for him alone in her ear, causing Tessa’s heart to warm as though he’d hugged her from the inside as well. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Daddy.” Tessa sniffled and tried to blink back tears. Maybe this was a really bad plan. She’d never been away from him for so long before. Her heart already clenched in her chest from missing him and she was starting to feel a little sick.

Scott rubbed her back.

“You’ll be fine.” He assured her. “I’ll always be here. I’ll always come if you need me. Yeah?”

Scott leaned back to meet her gaze. His thumbs rubbed the escaped tears from her cheeks.

“We’ll both be back before you know it. Okay?”

Tessa swallowed a sob and nodded.

“Bye, Daddy.”

She threw her arms around his neck once more, kissed his cheek, and made herself run out the door past Clara before she had the chance to call the whole plan off.

 

* * *

The next afternoon, Tessa climbed out of the car and onto the gravel covered ground. She stared around her while Patrick turned off the engine and Clara reached for her handbag. Forest surrounded the camp site on three sides and a small lake graced the fourth. Log cabin style buildings spread out from the carpark, a large main building which held the main office, kitchen, dining hall, dance hall, and craft rooms. Other smaller buildings were sleeping cabins, each containing a bathroom. A basketball court sat on the far side of the main building. Further away, nearer the water, stood a gazeebo and outdoor stage. A large arch displayed the name ‘Camp Sunshine’ in bright yellow letters.

Just as Patrick had promised, getting Clara to contact the camp had been a great idea, although Tessa’s admittance to the camp had been more because of the cancellation of another camper due to tonsillitis.

Patrick beamed down at Tessa and patted her on the back. “You’ll do great, Bug. You’ll have a great time, glue a bunch of sticks and rocks together, and Mission Fix Your Dad’s Mistakes will be a great success.”

Clara chuckled and Tessa frowned.

“Oh come on, Bug. I didn’t mean it like that.” Patrick smiled. “Your mom was an awesome woman.” He cleared his throat. “It’s just that now we need to get the other awesome woman back.”

Clara shook her head at his muddy attempt at clarification.

Patrick let out an ‘oop’ and ducked down behind the car. “Speaking of.” He pointed over his shoulder and past the car to a woman walking across the gravel carpark.

Clara and Tessa watched in curiosity. Her dark hair was swept up off her neck in a short ponytail. Curls bounced about the back of her head as she walked, clipboard held against her chest. She wore jean shorts, runners with ankle socks poking out the top, and a polo shirt that declared her to be a camp employee and leader. As they tracked her across the carpark three girls ran out of the main building and attacked her with hugs. She laughed and hugged them back, drawing them with her as she continued on her way toward the main building. All three chatted with great excitement as she nodded, her face lit up with delight. The group disappeared inside and Clara and Tessa let out a simultaneous “Wow.”

“She’s really pretty.” Tessa stated, her eyes wide.

“Uh huh.” Clara nodded.

“So.” Patrick stood again and cleared his throat. “I don’t think it’s a good idea if I come in. She’ll recognise me and it might blow the whole plan. Clara’s the one they’ve had contact with anyway.” He turned to his wife. “You can just be put down as her guardian.”

“Okay.” Clara nodded and pulled Tessa’s bag from the car, standing it on the gravel with a crunch.

“Bug.” Patrick took a deep breath and checked the time on his phone. “I think it’s time we tell your dad.”

Tessa nodded and chewed on her lower lip.

“He should be on a break about now and he won’t be able to escape meetings for another four hours, by which time he should have calmed down and seen reason.” Patrick’s voice held a thread of nervousness under its cheerful exterior.

Clara nodded and inspected their car’s green paint job.

“We should probably use your phone to call. He’ll be less likely to kill you.” Patrick gave Tessa a cheery smile she didn’t believe.

“But you’re going to tell him with me, right?” Tessa blinked up at him.

“Sure.” He drew the vowel out and ended on a nod.

Tessa pulled out her phone and brought up Scott’s number. She shuffled to stand in front of Patrick who steeled himself and bent to peer over her shoulder.

She pressed the call button and Clara clasped her hands together into a tight ball of prayer.

The call sounds buzzed and repeated several times.

“Maybe he’s not-.” Patrick began full of hope, but was cut off when Scott answered the call with a bright smile.

“Hi, Bug!”

“Hi, Dad.” Tessa’s smile faltered a little. “How’s the conference?”

“Not bad. A bit boring.” He grinned at her and then spoke to the man over her shoulder. “Hi, Chiddy. She being good?”

“The best, as always.” Patrick smiled.

“Having fun at their place?” Scott asked, then as he noticed the trees behind them added, “Where are you guys? At the Gardens?”

“Well, about that, Daddy.” Tessa squirmed. “Um, I’m-. Um. Do you-?”

“Out with it, Tessa. What’s going on?” Scott frowned.

“Well.” Tessa smoothed her hair down behind her ear and griped her braid. “Do you remember that camp?”

“The one I said you couldn’t go to under any circumstances?” Scott asked dryly.

“Um. Yes.” Tessa looked at the ground. “Well, I’m there.”

No one said anything for a while. Yells and woops echoed from the camp and wind made the trees rustle their leaves.

“Tessa.” Scott started, his voice low and quiet as though he were struggling to contain strong emotions. “Why are you there?”

“I- I just-. I really wanted to come, Daddy.” Tessa’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me.”

Patrick rubbed her shoulder.

“Tessa.” Scott called. The phone shook as Tessa brushed at her eyes. “Tessa, look at me.”

She swallowed against the lump in her throat and obeyed.

“Tessa, I’m disappointed. And I’m hurt. I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. Understand?”

Tessa nodded.

“Yes. But please don’t be hurt, Daddy. I don’t want you to be hurt.” Tears started to fall again.

“Then why did you do something I told you not to?” A tick jumped along Scott’s clenched jaw.

“Oh come on, leave her alone. She’s fine. She’ll be fine.” Patrick shuffled to his knees and hugged Tessa into his side.

“You can just stay out of this.” Scott hissed. “Don’t think I’m not coming for you as soon as I get home.”

Tessa’s tears dried a little as Scott’s anger was no longer directed at herself.

“Please don’t be mad at Uncle Chiddy, Daddy. It was my idea.”

Scott sighed. “Someday you’ll understand just why Uncle Chiddy is at fault and that he damn well knows it.”

Patrick rolled his eyes.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? But just know that we had to do this, and all will turn out fine and become clear in a while.”

“No, it’s not okay.” Scott humphed as a voice announced the recommencement of the meeting from behind him. “I have to get back. And you all have a long drive ahead of you. So-.”

“I- I can’t come back yet, Dad.” Tessa pressed her lips together in defiance, Patrick’s reminder of their goal giving her renewed determination.

 

* * *

“Tessa!” Scott snapped the final syllable and glared down at the phone.

“Hey, Scott. Relax, eh? She’s fine. It’s just a summer camp.” Patrick interrupted.

“Chi-, you-.” Scott’s brain refused momentarily to send complete sentences or words to his mouth as he glowered at his best-friend and daughter. He took a deep breath. “It’s not the point! I can’t believe you kidnaped my daughter!”

“Um, yeah.” Patrick looked over his shoulder at something. “Looks like we’ve got to go. Catch you later. Enjoy the conference. Bye.”

Tessa interjected a quick, “Bye, Daddy, I love you!” And Patrick ended the call.

Scott nearly crushed the phone in his hand. Closing his eyes he started a familiar breathing technique to calm himself. She was fine. She was with Chiddy. The snake. Asshole of a best friend, but she’d be fine.

“You have a Tessa, too?”

Scott opened his eyes and looked at the far too handsome blond man to his right who was currently bestowing on him a far too bright grin. He reminded Scott a lot of one of Tessa’s favourite Saturday morning cartoons. Scott would not have been surprised to see glitter fly out of his hair.

“James Wright.” The cartoon thrust his hand toward Scott.

Scott shook it on autopilot and half mumbled, “Scott Moir.”

“I said you have a Tessa as well? So do I! What a coincidence! I’m marrying mine next month!”

Everything the man said seemed to end in exclamation marks. Scott nodded. “Congratulations.”

“Where did you meet your Tessa?” James didn’t take Scott’s reservations about the conversation as any indication that he should perhaps leave, much to Scott’s dismay.

“I’ll bet my Tessa is more beautiful than your Tessa!” James declared proudly.

Well really. In his current mood Scott was desperate to gift the man with a fist to the face. He looked about the room but found no one who was likely to give him permission.

“My Tessa is my eight-year-old daughter.”

“Oh. Oops, sorry man. You win!” James conceded.

“Thanks.” Scott threw a polite but insincere, ‘Nice to meet you’ over his shoulder and left the smiling man to enjoy pondering his imminent nuptials alone.


	4. Flashback - Tessa and the Ladybug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a short flashback explaining how little Tessa came to be nicknamed, ‘Bug’. It’s the first time she sees a ladybug when she’s about two years old. From this point on she begins an obsession with ladybugs and other insects that solidly lasts till she’s six or so, after which her interest dies down to being more of a general appreciation for them, but the nickname has stuck ever since.

“Look, Tessa. It’s a ladybug.” Scott pointed to the tiny creature wandering along the sunny cement.

He let her hand go and squatted behind her as she bent at her waist to inspect the insect.

The tiny ladybug made a sudden turn and scampered toward her toes. Tessa squealed and pushed herself further into the safety of Scott’s arms and the barrier his crouched knees created against the world. She tried to turn and climb up his body, her hands pulling at his clothes and arms.

“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.” She chanted, frantic to escape whatever horrors her mind imagined the ladybug had in store for her.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. You’re okay.” He reassured her and lifted her to sit on one of his knees, his hand securely around her waist.

Out of danger, Tessa calmed and watched as the ladybug ran into the shadow of her father’s knees. Scott turned and together they watched as the insect continued on its way off the cement path. Its tiny, round, red and black body shining in the morning sun. It ran up a grass stem to the small leaf waving at the top where it paused, surveying the world from its new vantage point.

Scott inched his way closer, keeping Tessa on one knee and walking his feet like an ungainly crab.

“Look, honey. It’s fine. It’s just having a look around.”

Tessa leaned forward and slipped off his knee to get a closer look.

“It pretty.” She sighed.

“Yes, it is.” Scott confirmed with a smile.

Tessa reached out to touch the creature and jumped as the ladybug ran from the blade of grass and onto her finger.

She shrieked and squealed as the ladybug ran around and around her wrist while Scott tried to catch it. It ran onto his hand and over his forearm. Tessa burst into peals of laughter. She jumped and skipped in circles as Scott deftly caught the ladybug within his cupped hands.

“Look, Tessa.” Scott grinned. “The ladybug wants to say ‘hi.’” He held his hands toward his bouncing daughter who squealed and skipped a few steps backward.

“No, no, Daddy!” She shook as laughter gripped her small body.

Scott chuckled.

“Come on. Have a look, it’s fine.”

Tessa’s laughter reduced to nervous giggles and she took a cautious step toward him. Scott motioned his cupped hands toward her and she took another brave step. Her hand rested on his forearm as she peered at his hands.

Scott watched as he opened his hands just a little and Tessa looked inside. He could feel the ladybug resting on one of his little fingers. Tessa held his hands and tried to look closer. Scott smiled, glad she was no longer afraid.

“Okay, let’s let her go now.”

Tessa nodded and walked with him a couple of steps as he leant over the grass. Scott opened his hands and they watched as the ladybug ran for freedom into the greenery.

“Bye, Ladybug.” Scott said.

“Bye, Bug.” Tessa repeated with a wave. Scott smiled proudly at the top of her dark curly head.

He stood and held a hand out for her to grab hold of as he began to continue on their way down the path.

“Daddy, Daddy!” Tessa ran a few steps to stand in front of him, halting his progress. “Up! Daddy, up!” She reached and bounced on her toes.

“Okay, okay.” Scott beamed and swung her up to sit on one of his forearms while she rested a hand on his shoulder and surveyed passers-by like a little queen.

 


	5. Chapter 4

Clara, holding Tessa’s bag up to her hip and several pieces of paper in her hand, led her young charge down the gravel path hunting for the number of the cabin she’d been assigned to sleep in. Tessa followed, hugging her pillow to her front and trying to maintain courage. Why had she thought this would be a good idea? Everything in her wanted to run home to safety. She watched in forlorn silence as kids ran around the camp grounds and laughed together, greeting old friends they hadn’t seen since last year. She wondered if she would ever be one of them.

She had a firm reason for being here, a mission to carry out, but she would like to be able to make a friend as well. Her two friends from school she had had for so long she couldn’t remember how they had even become friends in the first place. She loved them and wished more than anything that they were here with her, but they weren’t. They had their own camps to go to. Their own camp friends to see. So she was alone.

‘Just smile and be yourself.’ That’s what her father would say. Tessa smiled against her pillow at the memory of his eyes twinkling down at her. He always had a strange belief floating in his smile, a belief that she could do anything she put her mind to, and if she failed he would keep believing it and tell her to just try again. Well, she wouldn’t fail at this. She straightened her shoulders and looked up just in time to avoid bumping into Clara who paused at a fork in the path.

“Hmm.” Clara mused and studied the small printed map of the camp grounds. “This way, I think.” She stepped to the left and ducked around a tall pine tree. A log cabin lay just beyond it. The numbers 1.6 shone in brass to the side of the wooden door.

“Yep. This is it.” She grinned back at Tessa. “Ready for this, Bug?”

Tessa swallowed back her fear and nodded.

“Okay, then.” Clara climbed the four steps to the small veranda that stretched along the front of the cabin. Tessa followed and waited while Clara knocked on the door.

There was a crash inside followed by a yelp and a thump. Then the door was yanked open and a dark-haired girl with the brightest smile Tessa had ever seen poked her head out.

“Hello.” She greeted them, and then turning her attention to Tessa she asked, “Um, are you staying here?”

“Yes, she is.” Clara answered with a bemused smile and tried to see over the girl’s head to whatever had made the crash.

“Okay, that’s great!” The girl grinned. Then her face fell to a nervous smile. “Um, one second, please. Just wait a- a minute. Um, yeah, okay.” She gave them nods and closed the door again.

Clara and Tessa looked at each other, a little confused, and tried not to laugh. They heard a fumbling sound and an ‘oomf’ and a shuffling. Faint conversation of, ‘Emma, _what_ are you doing?’ followed by, ‘New girl,’ and a deep sigh floated through the log walls.

Then the door was yanked open wide and the girl reappeared, sweeping her arm aside to welcome them in.

“Thank you.” Clara stepped inside and looked around while Tessa slid in beside her.

Despite two windows, one on each wall, the light inside wasn’t very bright and it took a minute for their eyes to adjust. It was a small room with two sets of bunk beds against the windows on the opposite walls. A blonde girl lay on her side on the top of one of the bunks. A book was held open near her and she propped herself up on one elbow. She studied Tessa from her lofty vantage point. The top bunk opposite her held a large suitcase, its lid was lying somewhat closed, but unlocked and items were trying to escape. Several articles of clothing and a water bottle looked like they had been thrown up after it. Four tall cupboards stood at the ends of the bunks. A door at the far end of the room completed the tour.

“Welcome to one six.” The girl who had greeted them flung one arm out to the rest of the room. “I’m Emma.” She stuck her hand out to Tessa.

Tessa released one hand from her pillow and shook Emma’s. “I’m Tessa.” She smiled and retreated her hand to the safety of her pillow. “This is Clara.” She looked up at Clara who also shook Emma’s hand.

“Pleased to meet you, Emma.” Clara looked at the blonde girl. “And-?” She prompted.

The blonde girl only raised an eyebrow in response.

“This is Susannah.” Emma made the introduction for her while Susannah looked back at her book.

“Nice to meet you.” Tessa murmured even though it was clear Susannah had no interest in niceties.

“Well then,” Clara frowned at Susannah and turned back to Emma with a smile. “Where should I put this?” She pointed to Tessa’s bag with the handful of papers.

“Oh right.” Emma stepped forward. “Do you mind sleeping on the bottom?”

Tessa shook her head.

“Okay. Well would you like to sleep under me?” Emma waived her hand to the bed under the messy suitcase.

Tessa nodded with enthusiasm. No part of her wanted to sleep under Susannah who she felt would likely complain if she merely rolled over in the night.

Emma giggled. “Okay. Well, you can use this cupboard here.” She turned the key that had been sitting in the lock and opened the cupboard at the foot of their bunks. Inside there was a shelf at the bottom with a small drawer beneath, then a tall section for hanging clothes and a shelf above it. Tessa didn’t think she’d ever be able to reach the top shelf.

“Here’s your key.” Emma dropped the key into Tessa’s hand. “And over here,” She took a few strides to the far end of the room and opened the door. “Is the bathroom.”

Susannah sat up with a deep sigh. She mumbled something about seeing them for dinner, climbed down from her bunk and left.

“Don’t mind her.” Emma reassured Tessa. “She just doesn’t like noise, or new people, or change, or much of anything really. But she’ll come around. You just have to give her time.” She shrugged apologetically. “Anyway, here’s the bathroom.”

Tessa crossed to her side and peered in while Clara set about hanging her clothes. At one end of the bathroom stood a shower and four places for towels. In the middle, along the wall opposite the door was a washbasin and mirror, a thin long window stretched above the mirror. Tucked down beside the basin next to the far wall was a toilet.

“It’s not very impressive, but at least we don’t have to go outside to a communal block or anything.” Emma offered to shine the best light on the situation.

Tessa nodded. “It’s lovely.”

They turned back to the room and Tessa ran to Clara’s side.

“I’m sorry, I can do that.”

Clara chuckled, “It’s fine, I’m nearly done.” She pulled Tessa’s brand new soft pink ballet leotard and skirt from the bag and shook them out.

“Ooh, are you doing ballet?” Emma asked.

Tessa nodded and replied in apology. “I haven’t ever done it before though.”

“Oh you’ll be fine.” Emma brushed her concerns away. “Just wait till you meet our teacher. She’s wonderful. She’s tough, but she’s really patient and kind. She’ll have you dancing like a pro in no time.”

Clara and Tessa shared a look of conspiracy.

“So you do ballet too, Emma?” Clara asked and hung the leotard and skirt in the cupboard.

“Yeah, for three years now.” She folded her arms and then let them swing to her sides. “I’ve been coming here since I was six.”

“And you’ve had the same teacher all this time?” Clara pushed for more information.

“Yep.” Emma sat on Tessa’s bed and kicked her heal against the floor. “It’s funny actually. You have the same name as her. Tessa. I tried calling her Miss Virtue when I started but she only wants us to call her Tessa. I don’t know, maybe ‘Miss Virtue’ makes her feel old or something. She’s not old though. Or if she is, she’s the prettiest old person I’ve ever seen.”

Clara chuckled and clapped her hands. “Okay, Bug. That’s everything. I’ll put your bag under your bed here. Everything else is in your cupboard. Do you have the key?”

“Yeah.” Tessa stepped closer and turned the lock, putting the key back into her jeans’ pocket. Emma leant back against the bed and watched while they said their good byes.

“Now here are all your camp things. They gave me two sets, one for you and one for me.” She handed half the papers to Tessa. “It’s all the rules and a map and schedule and things. I’m going to write our numbers on here as well, just in case something happens to your phone and you need us.” She pulled a pen from her bag and scribbled her number followed by Patrick’s. “And here’s your key for the cabin door.” She placed the key next to the papers.

Tessa blinked back the tears that were threatening to form again.

Clara hugged her and kissed her cheek.

“Now, look, you’re going to do great. You’re going to have a wonderful time and it’s all going to work out perfectly. You can do this, I know you can.” Clara leaned back and cupped Tessa’s cheeks, sweeping the tears away with her thumbs. “Why are you doing this, Bug?”

“Because Mommy asked.” Tessa replied, her voice just above a whisper.

“And who are you doing it for?” Clara prompted.

“For Daddy.” Tessa pressed her lips together and swallowed.

“Yep, for Daddy.” Clara kissed her forehead. “It will work, I promise. Call if you need anything. We’ll be right here.

“Thanks, Clara.” Tessa wrapped her arms around Clara’s waist and hugged.

“You’re welcome, honey.” Clara gave her a squeeze in return. “Okay, I’ve got to go now. Send me a message or call me tonight and let me know how you are, okay?” Tessa nodded.

Emma jumped off the bed and came to stand next to her. “She’ll be fine. We’ll go over to the main hall after this and see what’s going on.”

“Alright, that sounds good.” Clara nodded. “Okay, bye then.”

“Bye.” Tessa smiled and waved as Clara stepped out the cabin door and left.

Tessa drew in a deep breath and squared her shoulders.

“Want to go see what’s happening?” Emma asked, patting Tessa’s shoulder with a kind smile.

“Sure.” Tessa nodded. She grabbed her cabin key and map and pocketed them with the key to her cupboard. She brushed her fingers over her opposite pocket to make sure her phone was still there. Emma held the door open for her and locked it behind them before they skipped down the wooden steps and crunched along the gravel path toward the main building.

* * *

 

They entered the main building of the campsite and past the office where Tessa and Clara had filled out paperwork earlier. As Tessa followed Emma to the right of the office, Emma pointed down a short hallway and indicated the wooden door with a large glass panel which led to the ballet studio.

Continuing on they entered through wide open double doors and into a small hall that held long plank tables in two rows with matching benches. At the far end of the room beyond the end of the tables was a raised platform with three steps leading up to its height which rose to match that of the tables.

The room was full of kids and adults. They chatted and laughed and ran between the tables and each other as they spotted friends and favourite leaders. Music filled any silence that might possibly have been left. To Tessa and Emma’s left an older boy climbed onto a table and began dancing and punching his fist into the air. As another climbed up to join him a leader with a balding head and broad shoulders called out.

“Stephen! Down!”

The second boy quickly slid back off the table to land on the floor. Stephen, evidently the first boy, turned and beamed at the leader.

“Sure thing, Mr Francis.” He gave a salute to the crowed of campers watching and jumped off the table to the ground with a flourish.

Mr Francis stormed over and began questioning him in low tones. Stephen nodded and left to go to his friends with a roll of his eyes. Mr Francis clenched his jaw and frowned at the boy’s back.

“Come on.” Emma patted Tessa’s shoulder. They weaved their way through the campers. Tessa watching with wide eyes as a boy dropped a worm into a girl’s pocket and other boys laughed and ran away with him.

Concerned as she was for the girl she didn’t see a boy walk across her path until she bumped into his front. He hadn’t been watching where he was going either, preoccupied by small jar full of leaves.

“Oh! I’m sorry!” Tessa exclaimed. Emma stopped and turned back as the boy blinked at Tessa in surprise.

“Hi Julian.” Emma’s eyes crinkled at the edges. “How was your year?”

“Okay.” The left side of the boy’s mouth rose as he pursed his lips.

“Tessa, this is Julian.” Emma waved her hand between them. “Julian, this is Tessa.”

“Nice to meet you.” Tessa held out a hand and waited for Julian to shift his jar to be cradled between one hand and his chest. He took her hand with a grip that was more accustomed to things with bones far more fragile than Tessa’s. A gentle smile spread over his face, his lids blinked over blue eyes.

“Hi.” He greeted her and shook blond curls, a little too long, away from his face. His hand retreated from hers to hold his jar once more.

Tessa eyed the jar which reminded her of those she had kept herself when she was younger. “What’s in there?”

Julian stood straighter and brightened as Emma gave a little sigh under her breath.

“It’s a plest-, um, a lizard.” Julian tried to downplay his excitement.

“A plestiodon fasciatus?” Tessa peered into the jar to see.

Julian broke into a huge smile and held the jar out to Tessa as Emma studied her with interest. Poking out from under a leaf the tiny lizard’s eyes studied its glass prison.

“Yeah, I found it outside our cabin.” Julian beamed and then gasped as a girl spun past with her friends and bumped into his back causing him to stumble toward Tessa. They caught the jar between them in matched horror.

“Sorry!” The girl threw over her shoulder with a laugh, her red hair floating about her head as she twirled off.

“Thanks.” Julian stared at the lizard as he righted himself and held the jar close once more.

“Come on.” Emma tugged on Tessa’s elbow. “We’ll see you later, Julian.”

“Okay,” Julian nodded and didn’t look after them as Tessa called her goodbye.

“You know what he’s talking about?” Emma bumped her shoulder as they squeezed past a couple of boys.

“Yep.” Tessa grinned, seeing no point in hiding her interest in the insect world to someone this friendly.

Emma ducked around a group of girls and stopped in dismay. “Oh, I saw her here before.” She spun around and craned her neck to give herself a better view.

“Who?” Tessa’s brow furrowed, trying to figure out who Emma was looking for.

“Oh, there!” Emma grabbed Tessa’s hand and dived back through the crowd.

Tessa looked up and saw who Emma was pulling her toward. Past the end of one of the tables, Tessa Virtue sat on the top step just below the stage.

Tessa gasped and stared wide eyed as Emma stopped and waited while a group of girls hugged their ballet teacher and left chattering about new clothes and dances. Tessa Virtue smiled after them and swept her gaze around the room till she saw Emma.

“Emma!” She beamed and opened her arms as the girl launched herself over the steps to hug her. “Did you have a good year?” She gave her a squeeze and released her to stand.

“Yep!” Emma grinned and reached for Tessa to guide her closer. “I have a new girl for you to meet.”

Tessa stepped closer, clasping her hands tight together. What if she messed this up? What if she said the wrong thing? She hadn’t been expecting to meet her so soon. She bit her lip as the beautiful woman’s eyes sparkled with warmth at her.

“This is our ballet teacher.” Emma presented her with an adoring sweep of her hand before she turned to the woman and grinned as though she were about to announce the most exciting fact in the world. “And guess what! This is Tessa!”

Tessa Virtue grinned, “Your name is Tessa, too?” She held her hand out and Tessa wiped her hand across her stomach before shaking it. She nodded and a tentative smile crept over her lips.

“Tessa’s going to be in our ballet class.” Emma offered information and patted her shoulders. “And we’re sharing a cabin.”

“That’s wonderful!” Their teacher winked and released her hand. Suspecting the reason for her nervousness, she asked, “Have you ever been to camp before?”

Tessa shook her head and swallowed. She had to think of something to say. What should she say? Her mouth began to form words without asking permission from her mind.

“Why is your name Tessa?” She choked out.

Her eyes widened at the weirdness of the question as Emma grinned and Tessa Virtue chuckled.

“I don’t know, I guess my parents just liked the name.” She caught her tongue between her teeth in merriment. “Why did yours call you Tessa?”

Tessa’s natural impishness surfaced at last and she grinned, “Maybe they liked you.”

Tessa Virtue didn’t quite know what to say to that and laughed instead, happy the girl seemed to be creeping out of her shell.

A loud clanging rang out over their heads and they looked up to see a large man beating a metal cup and plate against each other.

“I’ll see you girls later.” Tessa smiled and waved to them as she stood to join the man and the gathering leaders on the stage.

Emma nodded and Tessa followed her a little way back from the stage to watch.

* * *

 

Later that night Tessa lay in bed, staring at the slats of Emma’s bed above her. She held tight to her phone with both hands and waited for Clara’s reply. The internet at the camp was weak and all she could do was text, but she was grateful she had that at least.

It had been a long day. So much uncertainty and new experiences. While Tessa loved visiting the park with her dad, she was very much a city girl and unexperienced in the great outdoors. Outside their window she could see the tall lamp sending beams of light into the night, illuminating and creating shadows into the trees and cabins. Their curtains blocked most of it but if she tugged the fabric away from the wall a little, she could see out. Moths and bugs fluttered enthusiastically around the light, often bumping into it.

She tried not to think too much about her dad and how he would be grumpy and cooking dinner for only himself. She missed him. She hadn’t been gone long at all, but the weeks stretched ahead of her and she wasn’t sure how long it would be until she saw him again and felt him lift her in a strong hug. She missed him tucking her in. When she was at Patrick and Clara’s Clara would usually do it in her own way, bopping her nose and wishing her fun dreams.

Her dad would lie down next to her on top of her bed covers for a few moments. He would hug her tight, press his forehead to hers before kissing the top of her head with what he called beautiful dream kisses. Whatever they were they worked. It was very rare that Tessa had a bad dream. She chocked on the tears filling her throat and brushed at her eyes with her sheet. No one had tucked her in tonight. Would she have bad dreams? She wanted her dad. She wanted to go home. This had been a terrible idea.

Her phone lit up with a message. Clara was happy she was okay and asked numerous questions about how it had all gone. Had she met Tessa Virtue yet? Were the other kids nice? What had they eaten for dinner?

Tessa blinked her wet eyes, swallowed, and started typing out answers. By the end of the conversation she felt much calmer.

As they signed off Clara messaged, “Have fun dreams, beautiful girl.” She finished it off with hearts and kisses.

“Thank you, you too.” Tessa replied with her own flood of hearts and a few pinecones for good measure.

She sighed, rolled to her side and settled down to try and sleep when her phone lit up again. This time it was her dad.

The message read, ‘Hold your phone to your head and press play.’

A second message followed on its heels. It was a short sound recording.

Tessa obediently held the phone to her forehead and pressed play.

A half second of shuffling was interrupted by the sound of a kiss.

Tessa sniffed at tears and brought her phone down again. A third message waited for her.

It read, ‘Night, Babygirl.’

Tessa wiped at her eyes and tapped out a message in return. ‘Night, Daddy. I love you.’

‘I love you, too, Bug. Sleep well.’

As her phone fell dark she tucked it under her pillow with her hand. Pulling back the curtain a little she let the sliver of light fall across her face, imitating the lights of the city, and drifted into sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone, for your patience in waiting for me to update this fic. And thank you for your comments and everything. I'm sorry it's taken me so long! I'd love it if you would let me know what you though of this chap, specifically if you found the scene with both Tessas confusing. I'm trying to make it as clear as possible, but I'd like to know how it is for you.


	6. Chapter 5

Tessa followed Emma into through the wooden and glass door and into the ballet studio for their first class. The room was a short rectangle. One short wall was filled with tall glass windows, through which sunlight streamed and Tessa could see over the garden of flowers and bushes, and down the hill to the lake. At either end of the wall of windows tall panels of wood were folded back in order to let in the daylight in addition to the lights overhead.

The wall opposite the door through which Tessa and Emma entered was covered with mirrors. Floor to ceiling mirrors. So many mirrors had her a bit nervous. Why were there so many mirrors? A wooden bar ran along the length of the wall at about the height of Tessa’s shoulders.

The other short wall was blank save for an outline of what had once been a door but had since been blocked in. Tessa found out later that the room had been the original main hall of the camp and when new extension had been added to make room for larger numbers of campers, the old room had been converted into a ballet studio.

The wall next to Tessa and Emma was mostly empty apart for a row of pale grey lockers. All the girls had taken one and were storing any cardigans and sweaters they had, along with their shoes and socks as they swapped them for ballet slippers. Most of the girls wore slippers like Tessa’s, but one of the older girls had pointe shoes. She sat in the corner of the room and stretched over her legs while several younger girls gave hushed ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ of appreciation.

All of the girls wore either pink or black leotards and skirts like Tessa did. All of the other girls, even Emma, wore their hair in a bun. Tessa was immediately self-conscious of her own ponytail. Emma had assured her it was okay, but now she thought she might have just been being kind.

“Come on.” Emma led the way to two spare lockers and Tessa copied her in removing her light summer cardigan and taking her new soft pink slippers from their bag. She sat on the floor to remove her shoes and socks and pulled the slippers onto her feet. They hugged her toes in a way and she gave a giggle as she stood and twirled in a circle. The soft soles whispered on the wood floor.

The door opened again and Tessa Virtue entered. She was already dressed for class. Black leggings that reached just below her knees, a short black skirt similar to Tessa’s own pink one. A black leotard and charcoal grey wrap, tied about her waist.

“Morning, girls.” She greeted them all with smiles and they echoed a cherry greeting back to her.

After placing her bag on the floor near the lockers and swapping her flat shoes for ballet slippers with split soles, she stepped to the centre of the room, clapping and waving her hands for them to gather around.

The class went pretty well, Tessa thought, considering she had never done ballet before. She spent most of the morning copying Emma and hiding behind her and it seemed to work for the most part. It was soon over and Tessa waited for Emma to finish talking to two of the other girls so they could walk back together.

She twisted sections of her ponytail around her fingers and bit her lip while she studied the bun of the nearest girl chatting to her friend while they readied themselves to leave. How did they do it? There seemed to be some twisting involved, but she couldn’t see how it stayed there. She wished she could get a closer look. Maybe she could ask Emma later.

“Are you thinking of doing a bun in your hair?”

She jumped and found Tessa leaning down near her in conspiracy, her voice low so only the two of them could hear.

“Yeah.” She released her ponytail and gripped her fingers together at her stomach instead while she admitted to the floor, “But I don’t know how.”

“That’s okay.” Tessa stood up straight, her spine stacked perfectly to her neck which tilted swan-like to the side. “Who normally does your hair?”

“My dad.”

“Oh. And he doesn’t know how to do a bun?”

“No. I don’t think so.” Her brow furrowed as she explained. “He’s never given me one before.”

“Well, they aren’t too difficult. You made a lovely ponytail today and that’s half of a bun already.” Tessa held her hand out. “Would you like me to show you how?”

“Oh yes!” Tessa beamed up at her and then remembered her manners and rocked back onto her heels and added, “I mean, please, if it isn’t too much bother.”

Tessa laughed and patted her back. “It’s no bother at all. You wait here and I’ll be back with the things we need.” She walked off waving for the girls to leave the room and go do whatever they wanted to while waiting for lunch.

Emma left as well after Tessa explained what was happening. They promised to meet later just before lunch.

While she waited Tessa sat on the smooth wooden floor and stretched her legs out in front of her to admire her slippers. After a few moments she decided she should practice the moves she’d learnt today. The rest of the girls had all done ballet before so she was the only one who really didn’t know what she was doing. And it really showed when they were all able to flow gracefully through the exercises and she nearly fell over. She’d learnt to keep a tight hold of the bar after that.

She stood next to the bar and, smoothing her hand across the wood, arranged her feet out as horizontal to each other as she could make them. With careful slow movements she dropped and bent her knees and rose up again. In the mirror she saw her feet inching back toward each other and their normal position. She frowned at them and pushed them back again.

“That looks good.” Tessa was back, and carrying a black bag with a grey tartan pattern around the top. She placed the bag on the floor and looked at Tessa’s feet. “Here.” She offered and knelt to arrange her small feet into the position they should be. “Can you feel that? What they feel like when they’re here?”

Tessa nodded. Her feet were stretching, particularly at her ankles and along the insides.

“Good. Now concentrate on that feeling and don’t let it go.” Tessa rose and held a hand out to mirror Tessa’s. “Now look up at me and…” She dropped toward her perfectly turned out feet and motioned for Tessa to do the same.

She managed to drop without wobbling or losing the stretch feeling in her feet, watching the encouraging eyes smiling down at her.

“There you go! Well done.” They grinned at each other.

“Okay, come here and I’ll show you the bun.” Tessa motioned her over near the table that held the music player and pushed the bag onto it before drawing back the zip. “Okay. Now, you’ve already got a hair tie so we’ll use that. And we need hair pins and a net.” She placed each of the items onto the table as Tessa watched in curiosity. “Because it’s just for practice we’ll do a pretty basic one and won’t use the hairspray or anything. But at the end of camp, when we do the Talent Night, I’ll give you a proper one, okay?”

“Okay.” Tessa nodded and turned as she was prompted to. Her hair tie was removed and a hairbrush pulled smoothly through her hair. It felt so nice. A bit different to when her dad brushed her hair. He always seemed to do it as though he was getting a job done, Tessa did it with more admiration and skill. If she met a tangle she held the hair firm and worked at it in such a way that it wouldn’t pull on her head. The even pressure of the brush on her scalp and tugging through her hair felt oddly peaceful.

“You have lovely hair.” Tessa’s fingers ran through the dark locks, getting the strands to sit straight against one another. It was a rich colour and a little fluffy but not too much. Not so much it would be difficult to manage and instead gave her natural volume a lot of others would kill for. “I wish my hair was this colour.”

Tessa studied the woman’s hair with wide-eyed confusion in the mirror. But her hair was a lovely nut brown colour, and so smooth in its perfect bun.

Tessa laughed at her expression and bent near her ear. “I’ll tell you a secret. I dye it.”

“Oh.” Tessa chuckled. “What colour is it really?”

“You know, it’s been so long, I’m not sure I remember. Lighter brown, I think. With far too much grey. That I know.”

“Grey?!” Tessa’s eyes flew wide again as her hair was tugged through the hair tie. “But you’re too young!”

Tessa laughed. “Thank you. But as it turns out, every woman you know has been lying to you. Most of us start to go grey around our mid-30s.”

“Oh.” She filed that information away. She would ask Clara if she also dyed her hair next time she saw her.

“Alright. So you have your pony tail back again, like you did so beautifully this morning.” Tessa patted the top and sides of her head in satisfaction. “Now for a bun, all you have to do is twist it around and pin it, okay. So like this.”

She flicked the pony tail around and then poked in a pin to hold it, twisted some more, and another pin, and all the way around until a neat curl sat on the back of Tessa’s head and she tucked the ends in with one last pin.

“Okay, shake your head and see how it feels.”

Tessa did so and grinned as none of her hair fell lose.

“Alright. Your turn.” With a few deft movements, her hair was returned to its ponytail base and the pins lay next to her on the table.

Tessa obeyed and reached back for her ponytail. She did her best to copy the bun, twisting and pinning and she managed something somewhat similar. It was looser though and she was pretty sure it would fall out after she ran around for a bit.

“It’s okay. You got really close. You just need to pull a bit tighter and place the pins a little lower next to your head. Try it again.”

This time she got really close and the bun hardly moved as she shook her head.

“Great job!” Tessa clapped and picked up the hairnet. “Now this is to keep all your lovely work together. All it is, is this.” She placed the net over Tessa’s bun, pulled, twisted and placed it back over itself. “And then you use a couple more pins to hold it. And there you go.”

“It’s really pretty. Thank you!” Tessa beamed and admired her hair in the tall mirror. She really looked like a ballerina now. She wanted to keep the pretty hairstyle as long as she could and asked, “Could I keep it in for today and give them back at dinner?” She wondered how she was going to do it herself tomorrow without them.

“No, it’s okay. I don’t need them back.” Tessa waved at her. “You keep these ones. I have plenty more.”

“Thank you!” She grinned and bounced on her toes, she launched herself at the woman and hugged her around the waist. Then, as she heard Tessa’s ‘oof’ of surprise, she remembered that not everyone liked hugs and stepped away with a swift, “Oh, I’m sorry!”

Tessa laughed and pulled her back for another tight hug. “It’s fine. And you’re very welcome.”

“Dad says not everyone likes hugs.” Tessa’s face fell as she squeezed, glad that Tessa wasn’t one of those people.

“He’s right.” She smiled and patted the girl’s shoulders and back, sensing she needed a longer hug than usual and being more than willing to give it. “You shouldn’t hug everyone you meet.”

“That’s what he says.” Tessa stepped back and linked her hands together over her stomach.

“But, I don’t mind.” A little sadness crept into her smile. “I don’t get as many hugs as I used to so I like them when I get them.” Then she brightened and added, “Especially from you girls.”

She patted Tessa’s shoulder again before stepping away to repack her bag and put away the music equipment. “You’d better go get ready for lunch. I’ll see you later.”

Tessa nodded and went to swap her shoes and grab her cardigan. As she left, she thought she saw her teacher bite her lower lip and wondered if that meant anything. She wasn’t sure how she was going to work out if Tessa still liked her dad or not. She wished she could just ask her, but that didn’t seem right.

 

* * *

 

After lunch Tessa lounged against a tree, enjoying the two hours they had free before afternoon activities. She balanced her phone against her knees and one finger to keep it from falling. The screen displayed two people moving across the ice in sweeping beauty. She smiled and sighed to herself, grateful she’d thought to have the ever helpful AI, Sandra, download a few of her favourite ones to her phone instead of relying on the camp’s nearly non-existent internet.

“What are you watching?” Emma flopped down, leaned against the tree and peered at the screen over Tessa’s shoulder.

Tessa jumped and angled the phone a little away from Emma. Should she show her? This was really important. What if she didn’t understand? She bit the inside of her lip. Looking up at Emma’s enthusiastic smile she slowly turned the phone around and returned the video to the beginning.

“Do you have buds?” She asked, smoothing her hand over her own nestled against her ear.

“Yup.” Emma rummaged in her pocket and drew out her own phone and a small package containing two small pink and gold ear buds. She returned her phone and their case to her pocket and waved the devices over Tessa’s phone. The phone flashed up a smiling cartoon who gave them a thumbs up and mimed putting ear buds into its ears. Emma did the same. And Tessa taped the triangle for ‘play’.

“Whoa.” Emma breathed and then fell silent as she watched the dance flow in angelic white across the ice.

As the camera provided a close view of their faces at the end. Emma leaned back against the tree and sighed. “That’s so pretty. Who are they? The girl looks kinda like Tessa.”

Tessa grinned and nodded. “It is Tessa.”

“What?!” Emma sat bolt upright. “No!” She grabbed the phone from Tessa’s hands and perused the image closely. “Well, would you look at that. When was this?”

“All the way back in 2010.” Tessa beamed.

Emma let out a low whistle and a mischievous twinkle glinted in her eyes. “Who’s the guy? He’s really cute.” She trailed off as Tessa lost her battle with composure and fell in fits of laughter onto the grass.

Tessa clutched her stomach and tried desperately to calm herself as Emma leaned over her and showed her the image in confusion. “What? He is. Look at those eyes. And his hair.” Roars launched from within Tessa all over again and Emma was forced to watch her perplexed until she could calm herself enough to sit up, pushing her palms against the tree’s roots and trunk.

Tessa hiccupped as Emma raised an impatient eyebrow toward her hairline.

“It’s-. It’s my dad.” She choked out.

Both Emma’s eyebrows flew upwards and her eyes widened as she studied Tessa with renewed interest. “What?” She drew out the vowel as far as it would go.

“Yup. They used to do ice dancing together.” Tessa beamed before adding proudly, “They were pretty good too.”

“Whoa.” Emma gazed in amazement at the screen before something occurred to her and she scooted closer. “Wait. This is your dad,” She pointed to the screen and then at Tessa. “And your name is Tessa.” Tessa nodded. “You need to tell me everything right now!”

And so she did. Everything about her mom and reading the letter on her eighth birthday, all the way up to the current masterplan. By the time she finished Emma had pronounced herself ‘In’ and more detailed plans began to be formed.

 

* * *

 

Tessa cradled her mug of coffee like a lifeline as she re-entered the main hall after dinner. It had been a very long day of camp and it wasn’t over yet. Although she loved being with the kids and looked forward to this camp all year, she tired of the noise and enthusiasm and needed to take steps to renew her energy for the evening sessions.

Technically she wasn’t on duty this evening, and therefore should have been able to head to the quieter stillness of her cabin, put her noise reducing headphones over her ears and enjoy the book that waited for her. But the camp manager, Anthony Francis, liked all leaders to be there at least for the first few nights while they grew reacquainted with the campers, and got to know the new ones for the first time.

One of the camp’s selling points, and one of the things Tessa was most proud of, was that they were small enough to know their campers well. Therefore introversion and tiredness weren’t seen as valid excuses for hiding herself away, hence the mug of coffee large enough to get her through the evening, even if it would interfere with her sleep later. Right now she needed it if she was going to be anywhere near her best self for their kids.

As expected, the main hall buzzed with activity. The designated group of campers had trooped off to help with the after dinner clean up and Games Night had begun. Board games and cards were piled at the ends of the long tables by two of the other leaders and music played over the room. Kids and leaders grouped up and grabbed games they wanted to play.

Two tables balanced wooden towers of Jenga, others slapped or pondered handfuls of cards. One group bravely started in on Monopoly. Tessa wondered if they had a plan in place for what would happen at the end of the evening when the game remained unfinished.

“Tessa!”

Tessa gasped a little and gave a thankful sigh her mug had been held in her right hand as Emma bounced close and grabbed her left arm. The coffee swirled, but didn’t spill.

“Can you play with us?!” Emma grinned up at her and Tessa couldn’t refuse her excited grin.

“Okay.” She smiled back. “What are we playing?”

“Chronology!” Emma grabbed Tessa’s hand and pulled her toward the end of one table where Julian and Tessa waited on opposite sides of the table, a box of cards open between them.

Julian wasn’t a kid Tessa had much to do with. She saw him around and knew he was a part of the science and biology program the camp ran. He was a bright boy who usually had an insect friend of some sort about him somewhere. Tessa briefly searched for tonight’s companion. Oh yes. There it was. The discarded shell of some insect Tessa couldn’t identify clung to his shirt like a brooch. Well she supposed she could be grateful it wasn’t alive.

Tessa still wore the bun she’d help her create. She’d done well. It had barely shifted in the few hours since lunch. Tessa was an odd mystery to her. A new camper this year, and one who had enrolled at the last minute. Her last name had not escaped Tessa’s attention. Tessa Moir. She steadfastly refused to remember how many times she’d written that name in search of the perfect signature. A signature she never had even the hope of a right to claim.

But as peculiar a coincidence as her name was, Tessa had been enrolled by her guardian, a woman by the name of Clara Chan. So it was clear that she had no real connection to anyone Tessa might have wished for. No matter how familiar the girl’s smile seemed.

“You team up with Tessa, and I’ll go with Julian.” Emma announced and jogged around the table to sit next to the blond boy who looked for all the world like he’d been roped into this, but not opposed to staying.

Tessa nodded and swinging down to sit over the long plank seat, she placed her coffee before her.

“Hi.” Tessa greeted her with some hesitation in her quiet voice.

Tessa smiled at her and held up her hand for a high five, hoping to draw her out of her shell again. “Hi. Teammates?”

“Yup.” The girl grinned and slapped her hand before settling into a more relaxed posture. It wasn’t particularly odd how tense this girl always seemed to be when she first started talking to her. She chalked it up to being around an unknown adult, but Tessa was glad she seemed to be quicker and quicker to relax in her presence. Hopefully within a couple of days the nervous tension wouldn’t appear at all.

“Okay. We need team names!” Emma announced and turned to Julian. “What do you want to be called?”

“The Praying Mantises.” He announced with a somewhat creepy grin.

“Okay.” Emma nodded. “Deadly. Kind of icky. Why not.”

Tessa chuckled at Emma’s reaction and turned to her girl at her side. “What would you like to be?”

“I think our names would work well.” She beamed.

Tessa laughed and played with her mug. “The Tessas?”

Tessa grinned and swayed forward, her elbows sliding out over the table. “No, I mean our last names. Virtue Moir. It can be like a squiggle.” She traced out a V followed by an M on the table top and grinned.

Tessa’s smiled faltered for a second at the sound of those particular syllables all in a line, sounds her ears hadn’t heard in many years. And coupled with what had been an early version of their logo before someone had pointed out how an M was pretty much made to carry a V. She bit back the past and the ache it dragged up. A past of which these kids could have no idea. She was soon smiling and nodding her agreement. She couldn’t deny that it was a great team name.

“Okay.” Emma clapped. “Does everyone know how to play?”

Team Virtue Moir nodded and Julian shook his head.

Emma turned to him to explain. “We start with one card each and then read cards out and we have to say where the event comes in history. You’ll see. It’s fun.”

Julian nodded his willingness to try.

“Alright.” Emma dealt the each team one card each and then reached for the first question. “The U.S. wins the Women’s World Cup Championship of soccer in this year.”

Neither the Moir or Virtue team members knew the exact answer to that, but both agreed that it would probably be after their first card, the invention of the Gutenberg printing press in 1440. They were correct and the 1999 dated card was placed to the right of 1440.

And so the game continued. Some cards were won, some were lost. All three blinked at Julian in amazement when he knew the exact year the word ‘cell’ had been coined in relation to biology. 1665. Who knew? Julian, of course, but who else would possibly know?

Tessa shook her head and finished up her coffee, imagining Julian one day leading the science world stage. She’d be happy to be able to say she once played Chronology with him and was one of his leaders at a summer camp.

“Next question then.” Emma reached for the box and drew out the card, careful to keep it hidden as she read, “A North American team wins Ice Dance for the first time at the Olympics in this year.”

Tessa’s breath froze in her lungs and she was glad she’d already swallowed the mouthful of coffee. What was with all the reminders popping up lately?

Next to her, Tessa quietly held her finger over their timeline. She hovered between 1989 and 1999, and 1999 and 2016, and chewed on the nails of her other hand while she gave Tessa a questioning look.

Tessa smiled and, not trusting her voice in that moment, took hold of her girl’s hand and guided her to point between the 1999 and 2016 cards.

“Oh thank you. I didn’t know that.”

Tessa nodded and wished for all the world that her coffee wasn’t gone so she would have something to distract herself from the bold 2010 card Emma placed as Tessa shifted her finger.

She was beyond grateful when Tessa grabbed for the next card and they moved on to Emma, Julian, and a question about the invention of the toaster.

 

* * *

 

“Oh! I thought I was going to die when the question was about the Olympics!” Emma laughed and clung to Tessa’s arm as they walked towards their cabin.

“Why?” Julian asked. His hands were shoved comfortably in his pockets and his arms definitely weren’t linked with the girls’.

“Um. Never mind.” Tessa choked. “No reason. It was just a really hard question.”

“Sure.” Julian shook his head in disbelief at her explanation, gracing them both with a definitive ‘girls are weird’ expression. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay. Bye.” They chorused and waved as he took the separate fork that led toward the boys’ area of the camp. Tessa and Emma fell into each other laughing again.

“Oh. It was so bad! I thought I would die.” Tessa gasped. “And when I said Virtue Moir. I thought she would definitely say no. What do you think it means? Why did she agree?”

“I don’t know.” Emma shook her head and they sobered a bit.

“How are we going to work out if she still likes dad?”

“I don’t know.” Emma, rubbed her arm. “I couldn’t tell anything, could you?”

Tessa shook her head in woeful disappointment. “We’ll just have to try something else, I guess.”

“Are you sure your dad likes her?”

“I think so. He said her name pretty quickly when I played that game with him.”

Emma nodded. “Hmm.”

They fell into silence and walked on, the twigs and stones of the path cracking and crunching under their feet.

“I guess… Maybe we should just get him to come and then we’ll see.”

“I don’t know.” Tessa sighed. “He’s pretty busy. I don’t want to ask him to come if there’s nothing. And what if she doesn’t like him. I don’t want him to be hurt.”

Emma hummed her understanding.

“Well. I suppose we’ll just try other things and wait and see.” Emma brightened and she clapped. “Oh! I have an idea we can try tomorrow morning!”

Tessa’s smile grew as Emma relayed her idea. This would definitely work.


	7. Chapter 6

“Come on!” Emma urged in a loud whisper. She held the door of the cabin open and Tessa squeezed through. They had both woken early and rushed to dress for ballet as silently as possible so as not to wake the grumpy Susannah. They ran along the path, through the early morning mist that clung to the pine trees. Down on the lake they could see the white wisps hovering over the water.

Emma’s plan was that they would arrive early to the studio and put on their favourite of the numerous programs they’d watched their teacher and Tessa’s father skate the day before. Their teacher would arrive to set up the room just before breakfast and Emma’s plan was that their dancing would trigger her memories and give them a sign of how she felt about Tessa’s dad.

As plans went, it seemed foolproof. Right up until the moment they both ran into the main doors to the hall and found them locked.  The glass wobbled a little as they stumbled back. They stared at each other, stunned and concerned.

Tessa rubbed her hands over her upper arms. Her thin ballet cover up wasn’t providing near enough warmth for the mountain morning.

“What do we do?”

“Um.” Emma looked the doors up and down trying to find a way in. “Maybe there’s a window open somewhere?”

“Let’s check.” Tessa nodded and they began a search around the building, pushing on each window and door they could find. They were all locked.

Back at the main doors they sighed dejectedly at their foiled plan. It would have worked so well.

“Why do they lock the doors anyway?” Emma grumbled. “What do they think we will steal? Last night’s stupid stew?”

Tessa shook her head, too saddened by the turn of events to express much enthusiasm or annoyance.

“What are you girls doing here?”

They jumped and turned to find Patricia, the camp secretary looking down at them. One hand rested on her ample hip and the other jingled keys.

“Pat!” Emma exclaimed. “How are you? You look lovely this morning!” She took hold of the woman’s elbow and gave her a hug.

“Uh huh.” Patricia raised an eyebrow. “What are you after, Emma?”

“Could you let us into the ballet studio, please?” Emma batted her eyelids and Tessa raised her clasped hands in plea.

“What do you need with the studio at this hour?”

“I-I’m new at ballet and I’m really um bad at it.” Tessa stammered.

“Really bad.” Emma agreed.

“Emma was going to help me practice so I can catch up.”

Patricia eyed them in wary disbelief.

“Okay.” She sighed. “I guess you can’t do much damage in there anyway.” She stepped forward and inserted her key into the lock.

“Thanks, Pat!” Emma hugged her as she opened the doors and the girls skipped inside and ran down the hall toward the studio in relief.

They giggled in anticipation as they swapped their shoes for ballet slippers and connected Tessa’s phone to the sound equipment. The video of Mahler was set to play.

“Now,” Emma grinned as she grabbed Tessa’s hands and they twirled around each other, mimicking the movements of the dance. “When Tessa comes she’ll remember and then she’ll show us that she still loves your dad.”

“I hope so.” Tessa’s eyes sparkled in excitement.

They laughed and moved their hands through the air, spinning and dancing. It was a bit awkward, since they both wanted to dance the girl’s part and instead of dancing together, they often ended up moving similarly with imaginary boys. The spinning part worked well though, since both parts were the same and they each twirled on one foot, their slippers whispering on the wooden boards. As they reached for each other’s hands once more, a stern voice called them to a halt.

“Girls!”

They bumped into each other and stood still, staring wide eyed at their teacher as the chords of music continued to fill the room.

Tessa wasn’t smiling as she crossed the room to the equipment. Her hand shook as she disconnected the phone and held it between them for either to take. “I’m not going to ask what you’re doing in here, but it’s time for breakfast. I’ll see you after for class.”

She stepped aside in cue for them to leave.

Tessa gingerly took her phone. “Thank you. S-sorry.” She bit her lip.

“We’re sorry.” Emma echoed.

Neither girl was entirely certain what they were sorry for, but it seemed that they should be. The blank look on their teacher’s face and the clench of her jaw were unnerving. They backed away, bumping into each other, both repeating quiet apologies as they grabbed their shoes from the floor.

Tessa gave them a brief smile of assurance and she nodded. “It’s okay. I’ll see you soon.” As an afterthought when they neared the door, she added, “Eat a good breakfast. You’re going to work hard this morning.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Tessa nodded politely as Emma said the same but replaced the ‘ma’am’ with ‘Tessa’.

They bumped into the door and fled the room, darting into the main hall as it filled with hungry campers.

“I don’t think that was the right thing.” Tears swam in Tessa’s eyes as Emma threw an arm about her shoulders and hugged. “She didn’t really react. Just–. Did she seem angry?”

“Don’t worry. It’ll be okay. We’ll think of something else.”

 

* * *

 

A deep sigh filtered into the hallway.

“Tessa”

Tessa froze at the doorway to the computer room. Her hands gripped the box of art supplies, turning her finger tips white. The box needed to be delivered to the main hall for the afternoon craft session. She wasn’t in charge of those, but with all the mess they came with each leader was required to help out on different days. But that voice. She was sure she’d heard it. Was her mind playing tricks on her? With all the reminders over the last few days, was she beginning to hallucinate?

“Tessa.” There it was again. His voice. “I love you. Come on, I miss you. Come home.”

What?

Tessa’s heart beat thundered in her ears. Scott. Where was he? What was–.The sound was coming from the small computer room the kids often used to vidcall with their parents during the after lunch break, it and the office were the only places with good internet reception in the whole camp.

She peered in and saw Tessa sitting at one of them. And there he was, on the screen, and doing that pleading thing he’d always done with his eyes and lower lip when he wanted something he knew he wasn’t going to get or couldn’t have. His face had aged a bit, which was to be expected, of course he would look different at forty than he had at thirty when she had last seen him. But it wasn’t that different. His eyes still crinkled in the same way. His hair was pretty much the same aside from a light dusting of grey at his temples. But there was something, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Was it that he had more lines?

“I know. I love you, too, Dad. But I don’t want to come home yet. I’m having lots of fun. Please, can I stay? Please?” The last ‘please’ as drawn out to emphasise the girl’s pleading.

Maybe that was the difference – his demeanour as he spoke to his daughter.

His daughter.

He had a daughter.

And he’d named her Tessa.

Her stomach clenched. Shivers rose up her spine and she shuddered. She stepped backwards and shook her head. She needed to leave. Needed to go… somewhere. Anywhere else. Her feet obeyed and she fled.

With the briefest presence of mind she ducked into the main hall, shoved the box on the table for the craft leader, Claire, and left. She ran all the way to her cabin and fumbled her key out of her pocket to let herself in. Her roommate, Victoria, wasn’t there, as was to be expected. The older woman was no doubt off foraging for wildlife and foliage with her group of campers and Stan, the caretaker who often joined in on the science walks. They’d gone on a longer walk today and taken packed lunches.

Tessa paced the cabin. The nervous energy bubbled up inside her, forcing her to rock and stand as soon as she sat on the side her bed. He was here. No, not really. On the vidcall. But his face. His voice. It was as though she’d felt his hand ghost across her shoulders. Her stomach churned into knots. What did it mean? Why would he give his daughter her name? She hadn’t seen anything of him or Emily, or anyone else from her old life in so long. But it made no sense.

The thoughts ran through her mind like a speed train. One, then the next, and the next, too many questions followed by too much longing. He’s not yours. He’s not yours. She repeated the habitual mantra to herself. He chose Emily not you. In the end all she’d been was a sister, a friend, all of those things. Her own realisation that she loved him had come too late. Much too late.

The energy calmed and sank into the pain of long ago. Tessa sank with it onto her bed. She sat and lay on her side, cheek pressed against the bedspread, her sleeping bag rustling beneath it. Her hands curled against her heart. She closed her eyes and tried to breathe through the heartache. Deep breaths. In and out. Don’t think, just breathe.

Then came the anger and the tears. She clenched the bedspread into her fist and punched the mattress. Why wasn’t she over this? It had been years! She’d worked so hard to put him behind her. Wouldn’t she ever be free? He was free. Happy and living his life with his family. Why couldn’t she be happy too?

Frustration at her own patheticness sent tears streaming from her eyes. She wiped at them, trying to avoid her make up. She sat up and stumbled to the bathroom to wash and fix her face. Craft. She had to help with craft.

 

* * *

 

Tessa watched as the girl she could only now assume was her namesake carefully wound the bright pink ribbon into a loop and secured it against the end of her pencil. A yellow feather was then chosen to join the ribbon. It wasn’t so much the care with which Tessa crafted her creation that caught her eye. It was her thumb. Or to be more specific, the small notch on the side of her hand at the base of her thumb. It was remarkably similar to one she’d known on someone else’s hand. A dip she used to rest and curl her fingers against when holding his hand had been taken for granted.

Her little fingers paused, buried in feathers, and she looked up to find her watching in curiosity. Tessa smiled and gave a small shake of her head, silent declaration of ‘It’s nothing. Keep going.’ She received a smile in return and Tessa bent back over her work. She wondered if the girl would be shocked by how much she missed her father.

“Okay,” Announced Claire, shuffling a stack of papers. “Now that you’ve finished your pencils, we’re going to use them to write letters home.”

She began to hand out the sheets of paper, one to each camper, keeping the stack of spares to herself. Tessa stood ready to help whichever camper requested for it first.

As the pages passed by the campers, Claire called out, “Your moms have been badgering me that we don’t tell them enough of what you’re up to, so you’re going to tell them. And everyone’s going to write a letter to their mom.”

Tessa frowned at the edge in Claire’s voice. She knew the leader had received a stressful phone call from a parent that morning, but that was hardly the fault of the kids. Her eyes swept over them, hoping none took the leader’s words to heart.

Her gaze returned to Tessa she noticed the girl’s head was bowed and her paper shook in her hands. A tear splashed onto the page and the girl shoved away from the table in quiet haste.

“Excuse me,” she mumbled, never lifting her head, and ran for the double doors, ignoring Claire’s calls for her to sit back down.

Tessa’s mouth opened in surprise and she looked at Emma, hoping the girl who had befriended her would shed some light on the situation.

Emma watched her friend in concern, hesitant whether to follow or to stay seated under Claire’s stern gaze. Tessa caught her eye and Emma beckoned her to lean close over the table. She did so, avoiding the numerous colourful craft options, scissors and glue. Emma cupped her hands over Tessa’s ear and whispered, “She doesn’t have a mom. Hers died when she was a baby.”

“Oh.” Tessa’s heart fell in sadness and concern. She straightened and gave Emma’s shoulder a squeeze.

“I’ll be back.” She informed Claire and headed for the doors to find the tearful girl.

It didn’t take long. Leaving the main doors she saw Tessa sitting on a bench by the path, still clutching the paper and her pencil. It was fairly quiet with all the campers engaged in the various afternoon activities. A group was kayaking down on the lake. Their calls and laughter filtered up the hill to mingle with the wind in the firs and the chirping of birds going about their daily routines.

Tessa sat with care next to the girl on the bench. “Hi,” She started, uncertain exactly what to say to help.

“Hi.” Came the polite but almost inaudible reply.

“You made a very beautiful pencil today.” Tessa brushed her fingers over the bright pink and yellow feathers and ribbons in the girl’s hand. “Are these your favourite colours?”

The girl nodded in silence.

Tessa searched for the right thing to say. She had numerous questions begging to be asked. When did she die? Why did she die? What are you doing here now? And how much do you know?  Does your dad know I’m here? Did he give you Mahler to torment me? But no. This moment wasn’t about questions, but about the little one next to her hunched under the pain in her heart with her chin to her chest.

“I knew your mom.” She began as gently as possible.

The only response was to a further hunch over her page as her shoulders shook.

Tessa’s brow furrowed in concern. She hoped this would be the right path to take.

“She was a lovely woman. Everyone thought so. She had a big heart and wonderful smile for everyone. And she loved to laugh.”

Ugh, Tessa though to herself. Not doing a good job of this at all.

The girl sighed and swallowed against her tears. She nodded.

Tessa reached out to place a hand on her shoulder. She felt her small body relax just a bit.

“You look like her, you know?”

She looked up at that. Tearful eyes blinking at her. “Really? Most people say I look like Dad.”

“It’s true, you do look like him too. You have his eyes and hair, but your nose and mouth and chin are all your mom.”

She gave a watery smile and wiped at her eyes. “No one ever said that before.”

Tessa returned her smile and swept her hand over her shoulder. “Well you do. Just as beautiful.”

“Thank you.” She seemed to be trying to find a way to process this information. Perhaps trying to remember a photo she’d seen.

“Do you feel a bit better?”

She nodded in silence.

“Would you like to come back or would you rather take some time by yourself?”

She seemed grateful for the option but shook her head. “I’ll come back.”

“Alright then.” Tessa gave her shoulders a squeeze and together they returned to the hall.

 

* * *

 

Scott walked through the quiet apartment from the kitchen to the living room. He placed the pack of beers on the coffee table and turned on the sports channel. Ads heralded the end of one segment and the start of the next. He wasn’t sure what it would be, and he didn’t much care. There weren’t any games he was particularly interested in so anything would do.

Over the noise of the TV and the city outside, the crack of the beer can, the shift of the sofa as he sat, the apartment was deafeningly quiet. It made him uneasy. Tessa had never been a loud child. She loved to dance and to chatter to him, but she had never been overly silly or obnoxious. A golden child some had called her, praising his efforts in raising her. Scott didn’t feel like he’d had much to do with it. He’d simply been gifted with a treasure who somehow knew how to be polite and caring as though she’d learned it before birth.

It was more her presence he missed when she wasn’t here. He missed her curling up on the sofa next to him, her feet tucked under her bottom as she grew enthusiastic at whatever event they were watching. That was probably his biggest influence on her. He chuckled. His little girl loved watching sports.

The first time he’d taken her to a Blue Jays game she’d been two years old. His mother had convinced him the atmosphere would be too loud for her ears until then. True or not, at two she’d loved it. Standing on the seat between him and Patrick, she’d waved her flag and hands in excitement every time the crowd roared. Her delighted bouncing had Scott holding his hands loosely in front of her the whole time lest she pitch forward to the concrete.

Between the third and fourth innings the audience camera had caught them and Tessa had squealed in happiness as both Scott and Patrick blew raspberries on her cheeks. Her hands had flown up to hug their heads, her flag almost blinding her father.

The ads finally ended and the channel transitioned into the next sports segment.

Golf.

How perfect.

Missing one Tessa usually led to missing the other and that was not a hole he could afford to fall into. Although maybe now, with no one directly relying on him, he could let that door open a crack. Let a few of his favourite memories wash over him. He reached for one and found it wasn’t really there. It was, he could feel it hovering, but the only thing he could grasp hold of were her eyes.

Beautiful eyes that had held the world for him, until he’d messed up in the worst way and lost her forever. It was cliché but when she’d gone she’d taken a large part of himself with her. Almost too large for him to bear. Even now he’d think of something funny that would have made Tessa’s eyes sparkle and have her leaning toward him as though raising her face to the sun. He’d stopped expecting that urge to fade. He figured he was doomed to spend his whole life feeling her absence. If it hadn’t been for Emily, he was certain he’d have lost his grip on life. And then he’d lost her, too.

He knew it wasn’t fair to keep his daughter so close. He’d have to let her go and grow at some point. But with his track record of relationships with the women closest to him, he had to admit, the thought terrified him. He just couldn’t lose her, too. He’d never told anyone that, though he thought Patrick and Clara suspected. Their assurances of the bond between fathers and daughters didn’t do much to help. Clara had a terrible relationship with her father. Though that was hardly her fault. He was a drifter drunk with an obsession for get rich quick schemes and only turned up every six months or so to beg money from them.

He wished he could have kept all of them close. Emily, Tessa, and Tessa. But as he could only have one, he was bound and determined to keep her as long as he could. Thoughts of her growing up and moving away in whichever direction her life took were a long way off. He could at least enjoy her presence for the next ten years or so. He figured that was fair and not asking too much.

One beer turned into four as he watched the golfers fix their stance, hit the ball, and trundle their way along the course. One woman reminded him of his lost partner. She didn’t look a thing like her but the combination of alcohol, melancholy, and perhaps the way she shifted her hips as she took the stance, had his mind replacing red hair with brown, height with a more petite stature. She laughed and grinned at him as she swung at the ball with perfect precision and it flew away over the green to roll within inches of the hole. She jumped in delight and threw her hands in the air, whirling to run and hug him.

Her body full of energy and joy, he hugged her tight as she wriggled and hugged him strong, whispering thanks in his ear. Then she’d bounced away to gather her things and leave for the hole. She flashed him a wide smile and beckoned for him to follow, ‘Come after me.’

“I tried.” He whispered to her, tears pricking at his eyes.

God, he’d tried. He’d never stopped trying. She was impossible to find. He’d searched everywhere he’d thought she’d be, had taken to attending fashion shows on the off chance she’d appear. He’d searched London, Toronto, Montreal, even New York and Paris, tacking on extra days when he’d been sent to those locations on business.

He’d moved to Toronto and become a businessman in order to be someone she’d be proud of if he ever did bump into her again. It was also partly because he hoped this life would increase his chances of finding her, and partly because he couldn’t bring himself to face ice again, certainly not on a daily basis.

But as hard as he’d searched, she’d remained an elusive shadow in his heart. He’d thought he’d seen her once in a shopping street and had bolted toward her, doing his best to dodge shoppers. Just as he was about to catch up the woman had turned to look in a shop window and had glanced toward him. Not her. Someone else. He gave the woman an awkward smile and turned back the way he’d come. He’d lost his favourite umbrella that day. Having left it by his coffee in his flight toward her, someone else had valued it and picked it up.

No, he’d never find her. One day he needed to accept that fact and just stop hoping. Hope was painful. Tonight though, he wanted her. Wanted her next to him, snuggling in to watch a movie, laughing at his jokes, and chiding him for drinking too many beers.

He chuckled wryly at his own thoughts and sank down on the sofa. Lulled into sleep by the polite claps on the TV and the memory of his former partner’s hugs and smiles, his mostly empty beer can fell from his grip and rolled under the couch.

 

* * *

 

“Lilly, you need to do other things,” Tessa urged. She felt the extra hour of one on one training was more than enough and was hopeful the girl would join in with the last hour of craft activities. “Ballet can’t be the only thing you are.”

Disdain warped the girl’s nose into a sneer before she turned away.

“What would you know? You don’t even teach real ballet.” With that she scooped up her pointe shoes and stalked from the room.

Tessa sighed and whispered to the silent room. “Yes. What would I know?” She knew the girl had intense problems at home. She probably shouldn’t be so hard on her for using ballet as an outlet for her frustration, but if there was anything Tessa had learnt over her life, it was that balance was important. She hoped it wouldn’t take Lilly too much longer to learn that. And the thing was, Lilly’s dancing would likely improve if she wasn’t so angry every time she moved.

Tessa walked to the equipment and switched the music from the classical ballet music she’d been working on with the older camper to a local radio station. She was more than ready to relax, herself. Smoothing out her workout top, she shook her arms and legs to relax them and readied herself to dance whatever the radio presenters felt like giving her. The music led her into flowing movements, stretching and tugging her body across the floor boards. She lost herself in the beat and the bliss of exertion.

A couple of songs in, she had ceased to take much notice of anything around her. The soft thumps of her feet against the wood, the warmth of her muscles, the music lifting her thoughts from her, were all that filled her mind. She didn’t see the door open a couple of inches and two small faces peer into the room, one chin resting on the head of the other.

The song drew to a close and was replaced by another slightly slower and more melancholy. _Well I heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord._ Tessa moved by instinct to turn it off. As her hand reached for the radio the next line gripped her and gave her pause. _But you don’t really care for music, do you?_ Instead of pressing the button her hand moved to wave through the air and spin her back into dance.

She fell into a mix of moves drawn from the present moment and long pushed aside memory. Her mind drifted to him, drawn by some powerful thread that somehow still connected them, as tangled, grubby, and taut as it had become by pain and distance.

Her arms wrapped around herself and reached for an invisible body. The more she moved, the more the longing grew until it was consuming her from the inside. Her heart ached with need of him. Needing him smiling at her, hugging her, setting her stray locks of hair to sit just right, thinking up jokes just to make her laugh.

Why wasn’t he here? Why wasn’t she wherever he was? How had they been separated so irrevocably? Was it her fault? Was it his? Did it even matter anymore? Questions clawed at her and gripped her heart tight, forcing it into her throat and pricking her eyes with tears.

The song drew to a close and was replaced by an ad for Bill’s Carpentry Supplies. Tessa slide down the wall to the floor and buried her face against her knees. She hugged her legs to herself and let the tears and longing rock her body.

At the door, Emma patted the shorter girl’s shoulder and pulled her away. Her face was serious as she spoke, low and quiet. “We need to get your dad.”

Tessa nodded in solemn agreement.

She stepped away from the studio and walked away down the short corridor toward the afternoon light.

“But how will we get him to come here?” Emma puzzled aloud.

“Oh that part is easy.” Tessa grinned.

Emma raised her eyebrows. “But it isn’t anywhere near the end of camp yet. We still have a whole week to go!”

Tessa dismissed her concerns with a wave of her hand. The ribbon and fabric ties from their bracelet-making craft session that afternoon fluttered from her wrist.

“He’ll come if I need him to.” She nodded in complete assurance. “Once he was at a conference all the way in Regina and I was staying with Clara and Uncle Chiddy and I got sick. He came home right away.”

Tessa bent to pick up a pretty rock from the path and studied it. “I don’t like lying to him.” She sighed. “But if I say I’m not well, he’ll come here to take me home and then all we have to do is make sure they see each other.”

“How about if you were really sick? Would you feel better about it?” Emma put her hands on one hip. “It might make it more convincing too.”

“Sure.” Tessa nodded and dropped the rock. “But how do we make me sick?”

Emma’s eyes light up in mischievous delight. “Come on!” She grabbed Tessa’s hand and ran down the path, both girls laughing and giggling as the pine-scented air filled their lungs.

A scant fifteen minutes later they stood outside the cabin Julian shared with three other boys and waited for him to reappear. When he did he carried a cloth bag that bulged as large as his own head. The cloth was black and covered in cartoon versions of stick insects.

“Here it is.” He grinned and sat down on the steps to the cabin. Sitting the bag on his lap he opened it and Tessa’s eyes grew large.

Inside the bag was more candy than she’d ever seen in one place in her whole life. There was everything from gobstoppers to jelly babies to caramel fudge to sour gems to chocolate bars.

Tessa let out a slow, amazed breath.

“I think you should make sure to eat a mix of things.” Julian began to pile candy into her hands. “I find the worst is the chocolate and the sour together, but we should add in the rest just to be sure. But not the gobstoppers because those will take too long.”

Emma nodded along with his reasoning and Tessa began to put candy into her mouth and chew.

“What do we owe you, Julian?” Emma leaned against the railing, eager to know exactly what they were in for.

“Oh it’s fine.” Julian shrugged. “I wasn’t going to eat it all anyway. Mom always gives me way too much. But,” He pointed flowing bracelet on Tessa’s wrist. “I wouldn’t mind one of those that looks like leaves.”

Tessa smiled between bites of fudge. “Sure. I’ll make you one tomorrow. Thanks, Julian.”

“No problem.” Julian grinned, apparently happy at the thought of his future accessory. “Happy to help.”

 

* * *

 

“Daddy?”

“Hey Bug.” He smiled in greeting and then grew serious as he saw her face. “What’s wrong? You okay?” Scott searched her face for signs injury or illness.

“No.” Tears filled Tessa’s eyes and trickled down her cheeks as she brushed at them. “My tummy hurts really bad.” The last word choked out as she started to cry.

It really did hurt. Pains like someone stabbing her all over her stomach. She was never going to eat candy again.

“Alright, Babygirl. Hold on. I’ll be there soon as I can.”

“Thank you.” She sniffed. “Love you. Have to go.” She added urgently and held one hand over her mouth.

She hurriedly waved goodbye and tapped the screen to end the call just before her stomach rebelled. She grabbed the bucket the nurse had left with her for the purpose as the wave of brown left her mouth in a cascade of horrid sugars.

When at last her body calmed and stopped retching, she rinsed her mouth out with the glass of water that had been placed near the bucket and wiped her mouth on her sleeve. She lay back against the infirmary bed and its strange crackly pillow.

She’d succeeded. She wasn’t sure in this moment whether or not she’d paid too high a price, but he was coming. Right then Tessa didn’t really care about the plan and her mother’s wishes. All she wanted was her dad. She wanted to snuggle into his arms and feel him smoothing her hair and kissing her forehead. She wanted to listen to his voice as he said nice things to her or read her stories.

But he was coming. He’d be here soon.

She smiled to herself and let her eyes close as she drifted into an exhausted sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics quoted are from 'Hallelujah' as sung by Jeff Buckley.


	8. Chapter 7

Once most of the candy had left her stomach and Tessa had had a nap in the nurse’s station, she felt much better. So much better that when the grandfatherly nurse, Mr Browne had come in with a small bowl of soup, she’d been able to eat all of it and keep it down. Its warmth soothed her tummy and made her feel even better, especially since she’d missed dinner.

He’d let her out of the small clinic with a stern warning against eating so much candy. She grinned and waved at him before walking happily back to her cabin. The night was warm and with the path lit by lamps it wasn’t scary at all to be by herself. Overhead the stars winked at her and pine trees waved. When she arrived at the cabin, she gingerly opened the door, hoping not to wake anyone who might have been asleep already.

She grinned when Emma waved to her through the dim light from her top bunk. Tessa walked over, doing her best to be silent and not wake Susannah who had turned toward her wall.

Reaching Emma, Tessa leaned up and whispered in her ear, “He said he’ll come tomorrow.”

Emma ginned in delight and gave Tessa an excited thumbs up. Tessa grinned back and after swapping her clothes for pyjamas, snuggled into her own bed.

In the morning, her stomach felt even better and she chewed down her scrambled eggs and toast with the best of them.

All day she bounced from excitement to fear and back to excitement again. The excitement was from getting to see her dad again after not having seen him for the longest time. It was weird, now that she knew he was coming, the part of her that was missing him was getting stronger and stronger. She wanted to demand he turn up immediately. There was also the excitement of how surprised he would be at seeing her teacher again. That part was like Christmas when she was certain she’d found him the best present ever and couldn’t wait for him to open it. Then there was the fear at what he would do about how she’d disobeyed and lied to him. If there was one thing Tessa’s dad didn’t like, it was lies.

Would he be happy enough at seeing Tessa Virtue again that he’d forgive her right away? She wasn’t sure, but she daydreamed all day about what would happen when they saw each other. She imagined they’d run to each other and spin around in a great big hug and that he might even ask her to marry him right then and there. Emma said that was unrealistic. She agreed up to the spinning hug, but thought instead of a proposal there would be kissing.

From the moment they woke up they whispered scenario after scenario to each other, falling suspiciously silent whenever others came to close to them, especially the older Tessa.

When it was almost five o’clock and he still hadn’t turned up Tessa started to worry. Maybe he wouldn’t come today after all. Maybe something had happened to him. Maybe he didn’t really think she was sick. Emma patted her back and assured her that she still had hope. It made Tessa feel a little better, but she was still uncertain.

With a sigh she turned back to the craft she was finishing up. Because it had been raining this afternoon all the outdoor activities had been rescheduled and the whole camp was involved in a craft activity involving paper, glue, and every decoration under the sun. Nature stuff like twigs and leaves to shiny glitter, sequins and fluffy feathers of every colour were strewn over the hall tables. The teachers walked along passing requested items and watching over the proceedings. Long pieces of paper stretched the length of the tables and each camper created a masterpiece on their section. The paper would later be hung as a giant camp mural around the hall.

As they were nearing pack up time, their ballet teacher came down the row giving out praise for each creation and offering the colours of glitter and sequins she held.

Tessa waved her hand to get her attention and smiled as she came near.

“Oh that’s beautiful!” She admired the garden scene sitting on Tessa’s section of the mural. “What would you like, honey?”

“Can I have some gold glitter here, please?” Tessa pointed to the glue she’d placed for the sun and its rays.

“Sure.” The bottle was held out over Tessa’s picture and a little glitter shaken down. “Blow on it carefully to make the extra bits go away.” She instructed and nodded as Tessa obeyed and the extra tiny gold flecks flittered off the picture and onto the paper tablecloth.

She straightened up and held the glitter bottle out over the table. “Would anyone else like glitter, or sequins?” She shook her tray in offering. A chorus of ‘no, thank you’s answered her.

The doors to the main hall flew open.

“Tessa!”

The demand floated above the din of chattering children who all fell into a hushed silence and stared at the man who held the doors open with both hands.

Tessa shrank smaller on her seat at the disapproving tone in her father’s voice. Emma peered around her back and under the arm of their ballet teacher who still held the bottle of glitter stretched out over their heads.

The bottle slipped from her fingers and fell with a thunk to the table. A plume of gold erupted and covered everything from pens, paper and craft objects to the kids who would mysteriously find it in their hair ten months later.

The tray of sequins shook in her hand. Emma carefully took it from her in case it followed the way of the glitter. She dared to give her hip a tiny shove, pushing her in the direction of the equally frozen man.

Tessa took a step, her hands still miming holding the tray.

Scott did nothing but gape at her.

One of the other leaders whispered into the hush, “Oh my God.”

With a swallow and rub of her hands down the sides of her hips she began to walk.

One foot in front of the other until she was standing before him, a good distance still between them.

“H-hi.” She whispered.

He nodded. “Hi.” His voice was gruff and like he hadn’t spoken for days. The doors fell closed behind him. His gaze remained solid and staring at her, while hers roamed over him, as though she were trying to take in everything about him.

His hand moved toward her and as if on auto pilot she read it as an invitation to hug. She opened her arms and reached for him, stopping when she found his hand hovering at the level of her stomach.

With a tiny shake of her head at the misunderstanding, she leaned back and held out her hand at the precise moment he let his drop and reached to hug her instead. She gave a nervous giggle. He grinned as he swapped back again and gripped her hand.

Back at the table, Emma leaned close to Tessa’s ear and teased in a whisper, “He’s still really cute.”

Tessa gasped and clapped her hand over Emma’s mouth in horror that anyone would think that about her dad, which had been the exact reason Emma had teased her.

The adults standing in the doorway heard the clap and together looked up to see Tessa holding her hand tight over Emma’s mouth.

Tessa flinched as her dad’s expression shifted from amazed to stern and he murmured, “Excuse me.” He pointed his finger at his daughter, who removed her hand from Emma’s mouth, and then at the ground in front of his feet. “Here. Now.” He spoke low and as the noise level in the room returned to normal, likely no one else heard it.

But Tessa heard it.

She heard it as clearly as the day she’d thrown a glass on the floor in frustration when she was five. It had shattered near the kitchen cabinets. She’d honestly thought the glass had been plastic and expected the cup to bounce. She’d frozen in fright and surprise when it hadn’t. Then her dad had said, ‘Here. Now.” Fear had crept up her spine as she’d walked out of the kitchen toward him, her head lowered to the ground until she could see his feet.

It had turned out okay. After he’d cleaned up the kitchen he took her into the living room and sat with her on his lap. She had to tell him everything and by the end she felt better. She hadn’t been allowed to watch TV that night, but that wasn’t so bad, especially when her dad had pulled down puzzles to do together instead.

Now, though, what would he do now? This time she’d done so much more than throw a glass. She’d lied to him, tricked him, and deliberately disobeyed him, all on the list of the worst crimes she could commit, and she’d done them several times over in the past week.

Tessa tensed and began to walk as quickly as her reluctant feet would carry her until she stood before her father. She didn’t want to look at her teacher, didn’t want to know if she disapproved of her too.

Her dad knelt and said nothing. He reached for her, running his hands over her shoulders and up to her throat and cheeks, checking her for illness or injury.

“I’m- I’m okay now.” Tessa said, as he spun her to press his hands over her stomach and back.

“So I see.” His teeth gritted. “You and I are going to have a talk later.”

Tessa nodded, tears stinging her eyes. “Yes, Daddy.” She chanced a glance up at her teacher and was a relieved to find her smiling at her.

Her dad hummed low and stood again, he left his hand on her shoulder. As he turned back to face her teacher his grip relaxed until his hand was only resting on her.

“Tessa.” He said her teacher’s name differently to how he said hers. More carefully somehow, as though he hadn’t been saying it every day for the past eight years. “I’m sorry to ask, but do you have any spare beds? My car broke down coming through town. The mechanic was nice enough to give me a lift out here but I need somewhere stay, just for tonight.

“Oh.” She nodded. “Sure. Of course. I’m sure we do. Come with me.” She motioned for him to follow her back through the doors and toward the office.

Tessa’s dad didn’t let go of her shoulder so, as she was guided through the doors, she threw a quick glance back at Emma who gave her an encouraging thumbs up and grin. Tessa wished she felt as hopeful as her friend.

In the office, Tessa’s teacher took charge, asking the secretary, Patricia, to do a quick search for unoccupied beds. It was a little slow going at first as Patricia had a hard time looking away from Tessa’s dad and when she did it was only to look at Tessa’s teacher by her side and back to her dad again.

A soft “Trish” and nudge from Tessa’s teacher had the secretary shaking her head and mumbling “Sorry” before focusing on the screen before her.

They discovered a teacher’s cabin at the far end of the boys’ side of camp was unoccupied. Patricia wasted no time in entering him into the system. For some reason Tessa’s dad’s drivers licence had her biting back a smile. She handed it back to him with a sweet smirk and a “Thank you, Mr Moir.” Her eyes were sparkling and Tessa thought she might burst into laughter. She sobered for a second when Tessa’s teacher poked her in the back of her shoulder.

Tessa didn’t understand the joke but soon they were on their way out the door, leaving the secretary to enjoy whatever was amusing her by herself.

It was an odd walk to the cabin. No one said anything.

Tessa hung back a little way, partially afraid her dad would remember how angry he was with her, but mostly because she was curious to see what they did.

What they did was nothing.

Whenever either of them opened their mouth to say something they would look at the other and stay silent. Lots of looking. Looking at the rock and pine needle covered ground, the trees that whispered when the wind blew through them, and each other. Tessa rolled her eyes. This wasn’t going how she expected. Shouldn’t they be running into each other’s arms and hugging and kissing and all that stuff she saw on TV? She was starting to feel like she’d made a huge mistake and that they didn’t like each other after all.

The first thing that was said after they left the office was when Tessa’s teacher turned toward a cabin and climbed the steps saying, “Here we are.”

They entered and she quickly turned on the lights, launching into a short tour of the cabin. It was identical to the cabin Tessa shared with Emma and Susannah, only this cabin had two beds instead of four bunks.

At the end of the tour she turned to them and said, “Dinner will be soon. Maybe Tessa can bring you?” She looked at Tessa who nodded in agreement.

“Okay. Here are your keys. This one is your door and this one is for the cupboard.” She held them up in turn and then reached to drop them into his hand. As she did he caught her wrist and held her hand.

“Thank you.” He smiled warmly and she nodded. As she pulled her hand back she took a deep breath as though she hadn’t been breathing for a bit. Tessa wondered if her teacher should see a doctor about asthma or something. Having difficulty breathing wasn’t good. There was a girl in her class at school who had to carry a puffer around with her in case she stopped breathing.

After her teacher had left, Tessa’s dad closed the door and turned to her. The serious frown had returned to his face. Any tiny bit of hope Tessa had held that he might forget to tell her off and punish her disappeared. It had been a silly hope in any case, he never forgot stuff like this.

“Now.” He said and seated himself on the edge of one of the beds. He took her hands and pulled her to stand in front of him. He gave her a stern but encouraging smile. “Tell me what you’ve done wrong, Bug.”

Tessa hung her head. Her eyes stared past their joined hands and his knees, focusing on nothing.

“I lied.” She admitted.

“Mhmm. What did you lie about?” He prompted.

“I said I was going to stay with Uncle Chiddy and Aunt Clara and instead I came here. And I said I was sick.” At that she looked up and fought her case. “But I really was sick! It felt really bad!”

“I could tell you were really sick.” Her dad nodded. “How did you get sick?”

Tessa hung her head again, “I ate too much candy.”

“Why did you do that?”

“I wanted you to come here.”

“So you were trying to trick me into doing something as well as lying?”

Tessa’s tears spilled over as she nodded.

“Ah Babygirl. Come here.” He pulled her closer and settled her onto his lap. He hugged her close, resting his chin on the top of her head while she cried and said over and over how sorry she was. He rubbed her back and waited till her tears calmed to sniffles.

“Now.” He lifted her away from his chest, prompting her to sit up straighter. “I’m not going to punish you here at camp, but when we get home you will be, so what do you think your punishment should be?”

Tessa sighed deeply. She wondered if everyone’s dad made them negotiate their punishment or if that was just hers. She really wished he would just choose for her instead of making her pick. “No TV for a week?”

“A month.” He countered.

“A month?” Tessa squeaked and twisted on his lap and held his shoulders to implore mercy. “That’s so long! Two weeks?”

He pressed his lips together in thought and then nodded. “I think the stomach ache you gave yourself counts as punishment, you’re never going to do that again, are you?” Tessa shook her head. “And I know you’re really sorry about what you’ve done,” Tessa nodded as solemnly as she could, “So yes, two weeks it is.”

“Thank you, Daddy.” Tessa grinned and snuggled close to him again, wrapping her arms about him in a squeezy hug that was enthusiastically returned.

“Don’t leave like this again, okay?”

His arms tightened around her a bit more and Tessa patted him.

“I know. I’m all you have of mom, right?”

He sat back and looked her in the eye. “No, Tessa. You’re all I have of you.”

Tessa smiled and hugged him again. “I’m glad you’re here, Dad.”

“I am, too, Babygirl.” He kissed the top of her head and whispered again, “I am, too.”

 

* * *

 

It took everything Tessa had to make her feet continue to walk over the crunching dirt path away from the cabin. The pull inside her begging to turn and run back, hug him and never let go was stronger than it had ever been. How could she be so close and not be next to him, not feel his hand in hers, not to see him grinning down at her? That handshake had been so… it hadn’t been enough. Her skin craved his. She wanted to take his hand back and inspect it, turning it over and over in hers, running her fingertips over old creases and new ones.

But she had to leave. He needed to see his daughter. His daughter! Wasn’t that something? He’d had a daughter and named her ‘Tessa’. She had no idea what that meant. Why on earth would he– Could it possibly mean he felt something for her? Tessa frowned and gave herself a mental shake. Her thoughts could just stop going down that path this second. Just because he named his daughter after her and just because Emily wasn’t here anymore certainly did not mean he was interested in her.

He was Scott Moir for heaven’s sake. It was ridiculous to think he wouldn’t have found someone else in all these years. Tessa hadn’t mentioned another woman around, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t one. Just, calm down and stop letting your thoughts run wild.

Tessa pulled at a piece of pine tree as she passed. She ran the long needles over her palm, feeling the tingles of the strong green strands and doing her best to avoid the sticky sap. She let them slip over her fingers as she pulled them into a swift plait.

She’d see him again. At dinner at least. Maybe more answers would come with time. Hopefully.

That dinner was awkward would be an understatement.

Tessa sighed.

When Scott had been led back into the main hall by his daughter she’d considered whether it would be a good idea to sit with them or not. She really wanted too, but maybe she should leave them alone, but maybe that would look odd if she didn’t sit with him. She was grateful when Tessa had solved her dilemma by asking her to sit with them and Scott had smiled in approval of the plan, but yes, dinner had been awkward.

It started with the peas.

Tonight’s dinner had been meatloaf with mashed potato, carrots and peas. As usual campers and teachers alike lined up to pass by the kitchen window with plates to hold out. As the portions were plonked or placed, depending on which kid was serving, on the plates they moved along the line toward the cutlery and then out to the hall to find seats at the long tables.

Tessa went first followed by Scott, with his daughter, Emma, and Julian bringing up the end of their group. As one of the kids, Tiffany, or Tiff as she preferred, held a spoonful of peas out over Scott’s plate, Tessa shook her head and told the girl, “No.” It was a well-established fact that Scott Moir hated peas. More times than Tessa could count they’d been in a situation with peas being served and Scott would shovel them onto her plate.

Since Tessa had had no problem with peas she would accept the duty of eating them for him and pass him something she didn’t like much. She thought peas were cute as vegetables went. The taste wasn’t bad either as long as they were the sweet ones.

Giving her such a surprise her mouth actually opened in that cartoon way as she stared at him, Scott shook his head and held his plate out to Tiff for a rounded spoon of what he’d often referred to in the past as ‘evil green balls.’ He took a step down the line and gave his daughter a steady look as she pouted up at him and shoved her plate toward Tiff with all the enjoyment of someone about to die.

Apparently the dad version of Scott Moir ate peas and subjected his offspring to the same. Tessa nearly burst out laughing once the unsettling feeling of being wrong about his wishes subsided.

She didn’t like not knowing him. Didn’t like not knowing that he now ate peas for the good of his daughter. Didn’t like not knowing he now took milk in his coffee. Didn’t like how he had knowledge of people she didn’t know, people he reported on to Tessa. Who was Clara? It felt like she didn’t know him at all. Like he was a stranger sitting next to her. The boy she could have predicted down to the way he would pull out his chair and sway toward her as he sat was now a man she didn’t feel like she knew at all.

She knew it was unfair of her to expect that he wouldn’t have changed at all in ten years, but seeing it in practice, feeling it, it made her… nervous.

 

* * *

 

Much later after all the campers had been dispersed to their cabins for lights out, the shadow of a man sitting on the bench caused Tessa to pause on her way to her cabin. Scott. Even a decade later she’d recognise him anywhere. He leant forward, elbows to his knees and rubbed his palms together. Such a familiar sight of him deep in thought caused a tightness in her heart, maybe some things hadn’t changed.

Whether this was a good decision or not, Tessa found her feet turning and heading toward him. As she neared he sat straighter.

“Hi.” Tessa smiled and pulled her jacket tighter about herself.

“Hi.” He smiled back, shuffled over a bit, and waved for her to sit next to him on the bench if she wanted.

“What are you doing out here?” She asked as she perched on the wooden plank, a good body width of distance between them.

“Just thinking.” His smile tightened.

Tessa nodded. She wondered what he’d been thinking over but decided she probably shouldn’t pry.

“Do you have enough blankets?” As soon as the words were half way out her mouth she knew it was a silly question. He had always run hot when he slept. Too many blankets were more likely. She amended the question. “Enough towels, and things?”

His smile relaxed as his eyes travelled over her face. “Yeah. It’s all there.”

“Okay.”

Silence fell between them again. So many things she wanted to ask and no idea where or how to begin.

He cleared his throat. “So, you teach ballet?”

“Yeah.” Tessa smiled shyly. “Just here though. Not professionally. Just campers having fun.”

“It’s good.” Scott nodded and grinned. She wondered if he was about to tease her and call her ‘Tutu’ again, but instead he simply said. “That’s good.”

“T-Tessa’s really good.” She offered, falling into the report she often gave parents of their children. Only this time she meant it wholeheartedly. “She has a great feel for music.”

“Thanks, yeah, she does. She’s always dancing around the place.” Scott nodded, proud of his daughter.

“She has a lot of natural grace, too.”

“Well, we know she didn’t get that from me.” He joked.

Tessa chuckled.

“Oh, you weren’t as bad as all that.”

Scott gave her a look through the dim light, declaring himself to be exactly that bad and worse, and that she knew it.

Tessa shook her head.

“Look, I’m sorry if it’s weird.” Scott waved a hand toward her. “Is it weird?”

“Sorry?” Tessa frowned, trying to decide what he meant.

“Her being called Tessa.”

“Oh.” Tessa ducked her head for a moment.

“It- It was Emily. She insisted.” Scott waved his hand in explanation. “It’s kind of hard to ignore a dying woman’s wish. I just– I didn’t think– I hoped you wouldn’t mind.”

“No, no, it’s fine. Very flattering, actually.” Tessa smiled. “She’s a wonderful girl to share a name with.”

Scott nodded his gratefulness.

They fell into silence once more.

“Scott. I’m sorry.” Tessa put a hand to the bench between them. “About Emily. She was lovely. I really liked her. It wasn’t fair. She didn’t deserve–”

Scott nodded and cut her off. “Thanks.” His voice light with a tinge of the gruffness he was trying to ward off. “She was.”

Silence fell about them until Tessa drew the courage to quietly ask, “You never remarried?”

Scott shook his head and a slow smile crinkled the edges of his eyes. “Never found who I was looking for.”

Tessa nodded. She wasn’t sure how to read the intensity in his eyes so she fought against the hope tugging at her heart and nervously looked down at her fingers entwined in her lap.

He cleared his throat. “But what have you been up to? Ten years is a lot of ground to cover.”

“Hmm.” Tessa smiled and let him change the subject. “Not much. Well, this and that. I got my Masters in psychology.”

“Really?” Scott chuckled and grinned. “Always knew you could do it. But good for you.” He patted her hand in his enthusiasm before retreating again, as though concerned she didn’t want him touching her. “So you’re a shrink now? What am I thinking?”

 “Yeah, I’m a shrink.” Tessa laughed and mimicked their joint psychologist of years ago. “And I don’t know, Scott, you tell me.”

Scott groaned and leaned back to watch the stars twinkling overheard. Tessa followed his lead and raised her gaze heavenward.

“I’m thinking the stars look better out here.” He sighed.

Tessa giggled. “Yeah, they do.”

She felt his gaze rest on her face and hoped he couldn’t see her blush in the dark.

“Especially that one.” He murmured and pointed to one of the millions of pin pricks shining above them.

Tessa tried to follow his pointed finger to discover which he meant.

“That one?” She pointed to an orange one.

“No.” He shook his head and scooted closer across the bench. He raised his hand to cover hers, warm against the cool night. He moved her finger to point to a bright white one nearby. “This one.” His breath tingled her ear as he whispered. She shivered and froze, hoping for nothing more than for him to stay right where he was for as long as possible, no matter how much their raised arms might ache from the effort.

Instead he lowered their arms and moved away.

“It’s getting cold.” He stood and rubbed his hands over the top of his legs. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Tess.”

Tessa nodded and stood as well.

“See you tomorrow.” She whispered and watched as he strode off to his cabin before leaving for her own.

 

* * *

 

As adults left, two girls appeared from their hiding place behind the nearby trees.

“This is terrible!” Tessa cried. “It’s all going wrong! They aren’t doing anything!” She flung her arms out and stomped in a line up and down the path.

“I know.” Emma sighed in disappointment and joined in the pacing, she walked in the opposite direction to her friend, their paths crossing in front of the seat Tessa’s dad and their teacher had just been sitting on.

“No hugging. No kissing.” Tessa frowned and grumbled. “Maybe they don’t even really like each other.”

“I don’t think that’s true.” Emma tried to reason with her. “I still think they do they’re just… I don’t know.” She had no explanation for the adults’ behaviour either.

“’It’s getting cold. See you tomorrow.’” Tessa lowered her voice to quote her dad. “Ugh! They didn’t even say ‘I love you!’”

“Oh!” Emma stopped in the middle of the pace and grabbed Tessa’s shoulders. “Maybe we can make them do it!”

“How?” Tessa frowned. “I don’t want to lie more, and I’m pretty sure he wants us to go home tomorrow.”

“No, you won’t have to. This time it will be me.” Emma offered her services with a flourish. “If you can get him to stay until night time, I can do it in the charade game!”

Tessa frowned in puzzlement but nodded anyway. The next night a camp-wide game of charades had been planned. The whole camp would split into two teams and battle it out. She wasn’t sure how Emma was going to make it work, but she sighed and agreed, “Okay.” At this point she’d try anything.


	9. Flashback - Ten Years Earlier

“Tessa! Tessa!”

Tessa opened her eyes, startled at the voice. Who was calling her?

She stared at her feet, they were bare. She wore her pyjamas, long sky blue pants with tiny bears on them. They matched her tank top.

Around her feet were bushes and bushes of red roses.

So many. All fragrant and full. Some deep red, some lighter, but all full and open and reaching toward her with their petals eager for her touch.

She reached down and skimmed her fingers over them.

Their softness and fragrance made her want to cry.

Not from sadness, from something else. She couldn’t name it. But whatever it was was drifting up through her, consuming her. She felt full to bursting of… something.

“Tess!”

The voice called again and she looked up, away from the roses that caressed her legs as she turned, searching for the source of the voice.

She saw him, standing behind her, away from the flowers on a gravel path. He wore pyjamas too. Just the bottoms, red and checkered.

Scott.

She smiled.

He lifted the small hand of the baby boy in his arms and waved it at her with a grin.

Tessa stared at the baby as he stared back at her.

“Who is he?” Her brow furrowed in curiosity.

“Our son, of course.” Scott beamed with pride.

“We don’t have a son.” Tessa looked up at him, puzzled.

Scott shrugged as if her confusion wasn’t important to him.

“I guess he grew while you weren’t watching.”

Scott went back to playing with the baby’s arms and chuckling as he played back and reached for Scott’s face.

Tessa gripped the roses in her hands, holding onto the bushes for stability as the strange emotion rose to envelope her.

Love.

It was love.

She loved him.

Tessa blinked her eyes open and stared in amazement at the ceiling.

She loved him.

Honest to goodness loved him.

She sighed and breathed, feeling the happiness well her chest.

She had to tell him!

She rolled out of bed and bounced, more awake than she’d ever been in any other morning of her life. Skipping to her hotel room cupboard she pulled it open and began yanking out clothes. She whirled with one after the other to the floor length mirror, holding them up and considering, refusing, and considering again.

Even though they were on holiday, she’d unpacked fully, making the single hotel room into her own for the duration of their stay. She’d had the option of rooming with other members of their group but had decided against. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the other girls, but for a whole month, she needed her space.

The holiday had been Chiddy’s idea. As a bunch of them finished competing for good he’d declared they all needed an extended summer holiday in a tiny seaside town where no one really knew them. And here they were, having taken over a fair section of this hotel for a month.

At last she landed on an outfit she considered suitable. Jeans and a top Scott had once complimented her on. She knew it made the best of her figure and the colour made her eyes shine. As though they could shine any more today. She felt like she was glowing everywhere. It was so cliché but so true and she loved it. Every fairy tale seemed completely true. Did she even need shoes? She’d probably float to him. She giggled at her own silliness and strapped cute heels to her feet.

The hotel was mostly quiet as she skipped through it. Most of their group, and the rest of the hotel patrons were on holiday and that meant sleeping in and staying out late. He would probably still be asleep after partying till goodness knows what time. Tessa tended to turn in much earlier than most of them, even though she often slept in much later than this.

What should she do? Breakfast? She didn’t think she’d be able to sit still long enough. Maybe she’d head into town and just see what happened. A glance at her phone told her he wouldn’t be awake for at least another two or so hours.

She made her way through the quiet hotel and found her car. The drive into town was short and soon she was wandering along the streets window shopping and considering. Her heart fluttered and danced and wouldn’t leave her alone, even after she laughed at it and told it to stop being silly and calm down.

She didn’t even know what he’d say yet. Would he like this? Would he gently reject her? She had no idea. She tried to reason with herself. He’d been having fun with a new girl from this town, seeing her a lot, inviting her to all of their group’s events. Maybe he wouldn’t want to know this right now. Emily was nice, and funny. Tessa liked her a lot and welcomed her company. She brought a sort of excitement to the group, always coming up with fun new things to do.

Tessa wandered past a small men’s boutique. Should she buy him something? Why not. He needed a new shirt. She bit back a smile and happily worked her way through the racks, searching for the perfect shirt for him.

She found it. Tucked away behind some others a shirt in the perfect colour for him and a little edgy, proclaiming Scott Moir to her. She took it to the cashier and soon left with it snug in a brown paper bag that she swung in her hand.

Wandering along in a daze, her heart was full to bursting as her mind floated lovingly over every thought of him. She jumped a mile high when he pulled up next to her and honked.

“Tess!” He leapt from his car and ran to the sidewalk, grabbing her elbows and stopping her. He hugged her tight, squashing the brown paper bag, her handbag and all.

Why was he so happy? Tessa laughed, delight spilling from all over.

“Good morning.” She beamed.

“Tess.” He held her again at her elbows, drawing in a big breath as though he hadn’t for a while.

Tessa laughed, “Yes?”

“Tess, I’m going to ask Emily to move in with me.” He took another deep breath in a feeble attempt to still the joy threatening to break his face. “I think… I think I want to marry her. I think I finally found her, Tess.”

Scott grinned and reached to spin her in a hug. Excitement and delight poured from him. So much happiness. And not for her. Tessa’s heart shattered as he spun them. She held him tight and forced back her tears.

“That’s wonderful.” She hugged his neck. “I’m so happy for you.” She let him go as he set her back on her feet.

“Okay!” Scott grinned and kissed her forehead. “I’m going to go ask her. Ahh.” He grunted and pulled her into another joyful hug before releasing her and bouncing off to his car with a wave.

Tessa rocked on her heels.

She stared down at the bag in her hand.

What should she do with it?

Return it? Give it away? No. She couldn’t… didn’t want it. Couldn’t hold it another second. She ran to the nearest rubbish bin and shoved it in.

Maybe a homeless person would find it. She didn’t care. She just needed to… needed to be somewhere else. Anywhere. Away. Just away.

She ran.

Ran to her car and threw it into drive.

She ended up at the cliff overlooking the sea, part of her favourite walk here. She’d discovered it the third day after they’d arrived. Parking her car, she ran up the cliff to the bench she knew was up there. High up and hopefully above this terrible feeling she knew would kill her if she didn’t move and run.

Finding the bench, she fell onto it and let the tears pour from her.

Great wracking sobs tore her apart and she barely heard them wrenching from her throat above the blood rushing in her ears and the waves crashing against the cliff below.

Too late. Much, much too late.

Or maybe not. Maybe it was never to be in the first place.

She’d thought he was, but maybe he’d never been hers. Not like this.

Partners and nothing more.

Her phone flashed and beeped.

She frowned at it through the watery haze of tears.

It was him.

Something about a party.

The last thing Tessa wanted to do was go to a party, with him, and her, and their happiness.

She switched her phone off and threw it into her bag.

How long she sat and sobbed she didn’t know. Her tears dried into a silent starring calm.

The waves were much closer now.

The tide had come in.

And the sky was darker. Shadows shifting from the bench.

“Tessa?” A soft voice called from down the path.

She looked up to see Emily walking toward her.

“Hi.” She smiled as best she could and moved so Emily could sit beside her.

“I thought you might be here. Your phone was off.” Her voice faltered as she studied Tessa. “Are you..?”

Tessa sat straighter and smiled brighter in the hope that Emily wouldn’t finish that sentence with ‘okay’.

“Um.” Emily drew in a breath, studying Tessa’s face. “We’re going to a party at Hudson’s tonight. Do you want to come?”

‘We.’ Tessa fought back a grimace of pain. That had used to be her ‘we’. No it hadn’t. Don’t be silly. It was never your ‘we’.

Tessa shook her head. “No. I’m sorry. Thank you for the invitation.” She stood. “I– I have plans.”

Leaning down, she gave Emily a quick hug. “Congratulations.” She whispered. “Be good to him.”

She left, not looking back to see what Emily thought of her. Not bearing to see pity or happiness or any emotion at all in the other woman’s eyes. Her feet carried her down the path toward her car.

She knew what she would do that night.

There was a train seat with her name on it.


	10. Chapter 8

Tessa frowned at the small hole over beside the potted tree. Two metres away. She could get it in. She could. Lining up behind the brightly coloured golf ball she drew her short club back and tapped the ball into motion.

It rolled.

And rolled.

And stopped.

So close to the hole, it ran out of energy and stopped with a tiny roll backward. Tessa sighed and tried not to see it as a metaphor for life.

She stepped close to the ball and tapped it in before leaning down to pick it up.

Six. On a two par hole.

Mini golf had never been her forte. Normal golf, she wasn’t so bad at. No pro, but she could manage not to embarrass herself too badly and she’d gotten better over the years, but mini golf with its tiny towns and gardens and hills and plastic clubs and everything? It eluded her.

She looked up, weighting the ball in her hand. Before her, kids and camp leaders wound around the course. Laughter and frustration and more laughter darted back and forth through the air. Well at least in general the campers were having fun.

She spotted a camper plonk down onto a stump and hit his club on the ground. He angrily shook his head and scrubbed tears from his eyes with his fist. Josh.

Tessa turned to her group of five campers lined up to attack her hole after her. She called to the designated score taker.

“Zoe!” And held up six fingers when Zoe raised her head. She tried to ignore the wide eyes of surprise in the girl’s eyes. _Yes, yes, your teacher is terrible at mini golf, let’s move on and hope for better luck with the next challenge_.

All day the teams of campers and leaders would take on challenges leading up to the charades game tonight and the eventual winners. A few local businesses had been invited in for the tournament to set up and run different activities, such as this mini golf course run by the local mini golf business. The gymnastics club was running an obstacle course in her ballet studio. An adventure store oversaw a timed kayak race down on the lake. The local Lions club was looking after a lunch of sandwiches and a barbeque dinner. It was a chance for the businesses to build awareness, especially since half the campers came from the local area, and to get involved with the kids.

Josh. Tessa turned and left the rest of her group to trail through the hole behind her. She sat on a stump next to him.

“What’s up, Josh?”

Josh glared at the dirt and scrubbed again at his eyes. He grunted and didn’t say anything, kicking at his florescent green club with the toe of his shoe.

“You don’t like mini golf?” Tessa smiled kindly at him.

He shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s okay. I’m not very good at it either.” She admitted. “Which of the challenges would you rather be doing?”

He drew in a watery breath. “Kayak.”

“Ooh kayak is a good one. I like that, too.”

Josh kicked again at the dirt as though disliking the similarity. “But you’re just a girl.”

Tessa grit her teeth together. Now probably wasn’t the time to debate the misogynistic attitudes Josh was repeating. She knew his father. She feared would take a long time to free this particular boy of such views, if he would ever be free.

“No girl is ever ‘just a girl.’”

Tessa froze and felt the intense awareness shiver through her at the sound of Scott’s voice above them.

She and Josh rose at the same time and turned to see him. He stood, feet to the width of his hips, arms folded over his chest. A bright pink club hung from one hand beneath his elbow.

“Certainly not this one.” Scott met her eyes and Tessa felt the familiar yet so distant approval and support she’d missed so much.

Scott turned to Josh whose tears had cleared in the surprise of being addressed by such an impressive man. Scott put a hand on the boy’s shoulder and bent to meet his eyes. “No one is ever ‘just an anything.’ Remember that and go be good at what you’re good at.”

Josh nodded furiously, “Yes, sir.” He left to re-join his group as Scott released him with a pat on his shoulder.

“Mini golf getting the best of you?”

Tessa frowned. “Maybe.”

Scott laughed at her annoyance.

“You never were very good at it.”

Tessa’s spine lengthened and she rose as tall as she could. “I’m fine at it.”

“Oh really?” He teased. “What was that a six on a two? Little Susie over there is doing better than you.” He flung his hand in the direction of a random child who drew her club back and hit her ball with all her might. It flew directly toward a tiny barn, bounced off, and rolled over a hill and into her hole with a soft thunk. She shrieked with joy, her straight, sandy blonde hair and purple club waving in the air as she jumped and her team cheered.

“Her name is Natalie and that was a fluke.” Tessa humphed at the girl who possessed all the coordination and finesse of a bull. Although she couldn’t resist the smile that crept into her eyes at the momentary success of one who was usually only happy with her nose in a book and hiding from physical activity of any kind.

“I don’t know, Tess. You’re being beaten by children.”

Even though she knew she was largely at fault, old anger and pain at past events and his absence from her life flared within her at his teasing. “What would you know?” She retorted and spun from him, her dark hair flouncing in his face.

She made to stalk away but he caught her hand and yanked her back to him. Her back collided with his front, her arm twisted a little behind her and trapped in his grip. She froze.

“I’m thinking you need a lesson.” He commented.

“I do not. Let go of me.” She turned her head sideways in an attempt to warn him off, ignoring the pleading of her heart for him to hug her tight and never let go. What did hearts know anyway, other than how to cause pain?

Scott spoke low near her ear. “Is that really what you want?” He lowered her arm, but instead of releasing her hand he circled her wrist with his fingers and stroked down her palm.

Tessa shivered and her voice wavered a little as she murmured. “Yes. Let me go.”

“Okay.” He released her hand and stepped back. Tessa shuddered at the sudden coolness of air at her back where he’d been so warm. She didn’t look at him as she quietly cleared her throat and walked back to her team.

She did really well at keeping her eyes off him until she reached the group and snuck a peek back. He was watching her, or studying her more like. Tessa lifted her chin to the air and pretended to steadfastly ignored him.

A slow smile spread over his lips as though he saw right through her, which he probably did. She had never been very good at hiding her feelings from him, hiding anything from him. Except her love. That had escaped his notice. But she couldn’t really hold that against him, it had escaped her notice too until it had been too late.

As the last of her group made his way through the hole she watched Scott return to his group, which included his daughter and her friends.

Tessa watched as he lifted and spun her namesake in his arms, her legs kicked out and delight spread over her face. She shook her head and forced a smile. _Oh Tessa, stop it_. She scolded herself. _You are not jealous of an eight year old._

Scott spun his daughter back to the ground where she wobbled on her feet and shook her head of dizziness. He laughed as she exaggerated the movement and hung from his hand. He looked up at Tessa who started and looked away, marching her group swiftly to the next hole.

The rest of the day passed with them barely meeting. Tessa tried to believe she was grateful for that.

 

* * *

 

“Did you see that?!” Julian bounced over to Tessa and Emma as both girls looked up and simultaneously asked, ‘See what?’

“Your dad! He was holding Ms Virtue!” Julian had never gotten the hang of calling an adult by their first name, no matter how many times it was requested. His grandmother would have been appalled at his lack of manners and if there was one person Julian didn’t want to disappoint it was his grandmother.

“What?!” Tessa and Emma chorused and advanced on him for intense details.

“How?! Where?!”

“What were they doing?!”

“Are they still there?!”

“No, I they stopped. She left.” Julian waved his golf club and hands. “And um, like this…” He trailed off as his eyes asked Emma’s permission to demonstrate. He cautiously stepped closer to her and held her hand behind her back for the briefest second before stepping away again.

“That doesn’t seem like much.” Tessa frowned.

“I don’t know,” Julian defended. “He was leaning over her shoulder and stuff.”

“Well maybe.” Emma agreed that it could have meant something.

“Oh, shh shh.” Julian’s eyes went wide and he waved them quiet as he saw Scott striding toward them.

“I wish we’d seen it.” Tessa pouted at the plastic turf of the mini golf course.

“Seen what, Bug?” Scott poked her back with his finger and lifted her into the air to spin her about.

“Nothing, Dad.” Tessa laughed at the sudden height and thrill of the force pushing her legs out.

“That’s better.” Scott’s eyes twinkled as he lowered her back to the ground and held her shoulders as the spinning in her head slowed and gave her back her balance. “No glum faces today. Not with this awesome game of mini golf which we are going to win!”

He threw his fists in the air in early victory and grinned down at them as each of them beamed back and chuckles came from the rest of their group.

“Who’s next?” Scott looked over the group and a boy raised his hand. “Stuart. Awesome. Come on.” He high-fived the boy and led him to the start of the hole.

 

* * *

 

Scott surveyed the teams of children, camp leaders, and locals who’d stuck around after their work of the day was done. It had been a long day, he couldn’t remember when he’d felt this worn out from just playing games. Darkness had fallen sometime after dinner and he lounged back in the small open area of semi circled tiered seating carved into the hillside and lined with stone and wood. Tall lights did their best to shine down into the amphitheatre through Ontario’s bug population that gathered about them. He’d pointed them out to his daughter with a cheerful, “Hey Bug, it’s your people.” She frowned back at him and tried to hide her amusement at his bad joke.

His daughter now sat between his legs a tier down. She rested her arms over his shins as he leaned back against the tier above him. He wriggled her with his feet every now and then, just to hear her insincere complaint of, ‘Daaaaaad.’ She leaned over his leg to whisper and giggle to her friend.

He was glad she’d found Emma. He’d been concerned about her out in the world on her own. She was a bright and loving child, but her heart wasn’t the toughest. He couldn’t bear to see her friendless or hurt. And for all her exuberance, Emma seemed a good sort. Although, what they found to laugh, giggle, and whisper constantly about all day was beyond him.

Behind them and over to the right sat Tessa. His other Tessa, although she wasn’t his any longer he’d continued to think of her that way. A group of campers sat about her, chattering away about their day. She smiled and encouraged, but he saw the tiredness in her. The slope of her shoulders, the slow deliberateness with which she moved. She needed quiet, peace. In the past this would have been the point where she would hide behind him, lean her cheek against his back and breathe, gathering her strength to finish out the day. He wished he could pull her over, tuck her into him and guard her for a moment.

Although those moments may have appeared to hold more for her than for him, the truth was he’d loved them. Her trust and belief in him had given him strength in return. No matter what crazy foolishness he’d managed to be caught up in, especially the tireder and more exuberant he’d become, she’d never wavered in her belief and trust. That did something to him, he couldn’t place it exactly and he wasn’t usually one to sit and dwell on things, but he couldn’t deny that it had been something.

With Emily it had been different. He’d loved her but she was more separate from him. She’d never needed to hide behind him, hadn’t needed his strength. He felt she’d given more to him than he’d given her. She’d hugged him because he needed it, not so much because she did. Life had been good with her, as short as it had been. But he’d missed Tessa, missed her since the moment he’d watched the train pull from the station, taking her from him. He’d missed her more over the next few weeks and months as it began to sink in that he wouldn’t see her again, possibly ever.

It had been his fault, he knew. He hadn’t recognised his own feelings in time. Even so, he refused to feel sorry for his actions, refused to feel sorry for having married a wonderful woman and for having the girl who now sat between his feet. It was the path his life had taken and he would enjoy the good things. But still, he missed his best friend.

“Emma?” The camp secretary, stood on the small stage that was more of a platform and waved the girl over.

Emma jumped up and grinned to her friends as she left to help out.

It was time for the grand finale charades game and announcement of the winners.

Emma stood on the stage and held a box of cards as Patricia gave congratulations to everyone for the wonderful day of games and sportsmanship. Everyone was a winner, everyone had done well. Scott nodded along to the common refrain.

Patricia went on to explain the final charades game which would determine the winners of the tournament.  The smaller teams they had competed in through the day were now joined into two big teams. The charades game would follow through each member of the camp. Everyone would get an opportunity to either guess or to act out the answer.

They began with great hilarity as a stern Mr Francis acted out ‘frog’ to one of the smaller girls who found it hard to guess through her laughter as he hopped about the stage.

Continuing through pair after pair, groans at missed easy ones, laughter at funny ones, applause at successfully guessed and acted difficult ones. They came to the last pairing.

“Scott and Tessa.” Called Patricia before clarifying, “Um, Ms Virtue.”

Scott patted his daughter as he extricated himself from her and she grinned up at him.

He stepped up to the platform and bent toward Tessa as she joined him, “You want to guess?”

He knew it would take her less costly energy to guess than to act. She nodded and smiled her thanks.

“Okay, let’s do this.” He held his hand out to Emma who placed a white card in it upside down with a secretive smile.

Tessa stood on the other side of the platform ready to guess as fast as she could and push their team into the winning position. They needed her to guess in under a minute to win. In the past that would have been easy, he could have conveyed the answer to her in two seconds, but now, perhaps not.

He looked down and flipped the card over in his hand. Concern filtered into him.

Movie.

Three words.

_I love you._

He swallowed. The easiest thing in the world to mime. And so utterly true. But. He studied the card. How should he do this? His eyes flickered to Tessa who waited patiently for him to start miming. She’d understand, wouldn’t she? It was just the card. He didn’t want her to run. Above all he didn’t want her to disappear on him again.

“Ready?” Patricia called. “And go!”

Tessa waited wide-eyed, urging him to begin. If this was too soon… No, it was the card. She would understand. He handed the card back to Emma who had an odd glint of glee in her eye. He might have to question her on that later.

He cleared his throat and rubbed his palms together.

“Praying? Nervous? Scared?” Tessa flung guesses at him and laughing.

How to tell this woman he loved her. Scott ran his hand through his hair.

“Really, really nervous.” Tessa grinned. “Hurry up!”

Trust her to remember his nervous habits. He shrugged his shoulders and began.

He lifted his hands to mime movie.

“Movie!” She flung at him as soon as his hands rose.

He nodded and held up three fingers.

“Three words.” She watched him closely.

He held up one finger.

“First word.”

He nodded and then pointed to himself.

“Me.” As soon as his brow furrowed she threw out, “I.” He nodded.

His hands folded over his heart.

The urgency and excitement to win faded from Tessa’s eyes replaced by something else. Was it fear? “Love.”

He nodded, knowing she had the entire sentence already. She wasn’t even watching his hands now, her eyes were firmly fixed on him, wide and focused.

He reached his hand out and pointed at her.

“You.” She whispered and he nodded. Clearing her throat she looked away from him and repeated louder for the audience and judge. “I love you.”

“That’s it!” Patricia cried and stopped the timer. “Forty-four seconds. We have our winners!”

Scott watched as Tessa stepped from the platform, carefully watching her feet and looking anywhere but at him. He needed her eyes. Needed to see what she was thinking.

Patricia waved and cheered as their team rose in the tiers and whooped and called. The other team slumped and called somewhat sincere congratulations. Campers and adults began to be herded toward the main hall for a late snack and hot chocolate before bed for some and heading home for others.

He lost sight of her among the moving bodies, then found her again on the periphery. She looked away from everyone, off down over the dark lake. Side stepping children, he made his way to her. He slipped his hand down her arm, elbow to hand and was relieved when her fingers curved into his as they had in the past.

“Come with me for a minute.” He pulled her away from the group.

She wouldn’t meet his eyes, instead murmured, “I can’t. I have to help.” She gestured to the campers.

“There are plenty of adults around tonight. It won’t be long.”

She paused before nodding and following.

In silence, he led her down the hill to the lake and out onto the wooden rotunda. Her hand was warm in his and perfect, like a memory and promise all at once.

They walked side by side, their footsteps on the wooden boards echoing to the waves lapping at the posts and bank below. At the edge, they stopped, each with their free hand resting on the railing. Lights from the hall on the hill above filtered down and shone against the dark water.

Scott turned to her. “Tess, I–”

She held up a hand to quieten him before letting it fall to his chest. He covered it with his own.

“Please don’t say anything.”

She seemed sad, wistful. What was she thinking? He wanted to beg her to tell him. To let him into her mind. To reach her. To do whatever he could to keep her.

“Just…” She sighed and swallowed.

Her eyes shone like the light on the water behind her. Her head tilted up to him, lips moving slightly with her breath.

He stepped closer, feeling her hand over his heart close to fist his shirt. Her other hand gripped his tighter and tentatively pulled his hand behind her. He took the hint and spread his hand over her lower back. He bent his head and brushed his lips over hers. He felt her short intake of breath before she pressed toward him. He knew she wanted more, but he was determined to make this last. He brushed her lips again, kissing her top lip, her bottom, the sides of her mouth. Her breath skittered over his skin, calling him to more and more.

He kissed her firmly, lips pressing against hers. His heart reached to her with every endearment he could think of. He wanted to wrap her in them all and fold her into himself. He pulled her against himself, wrapping his arms around her, hands holding and stroking from her hair down the curve of her back.

He reached into her mouth, exploring and searching with his tongue. Her contented and yearning sighs urged him on, more, more. Her hands moved over his back, hanging onto his shoulders, smoothing through his hair, back down his back to hug him tighter.

He released her mouth to kiss her neck and hug her against him, doing his best to let no air between them. He sighed deep contentment against her neck.

She went quiet in his arms, her grip lessening and her hands falling, stilled, to his waist.

“Tess?”

He let her go, mostly, keeping his hands on her shoulders and rubbing down to her elbows.

“I’m sorry. I’m– I should have told you before.” Her voice lowered as she whispered to herself, her voice coloured in dismay and disappointment in herself, “I forgot.” She reached into her jean’s pocket and pulled out a ring. A diamond ring. Sparkly and deadly. “I’m engaged.”

Scott dropped his hands from her shoulders.

Engaged.

That would be right. Took him ten years to find her again and when he did she was engaged. He wanted to hit something. Hard. To some it might seem fine, only engaged, not married. But he knew Tessa. Things might have changed between them, they might have changed, but these things, this part of her? No, he knew her and there was no way Tessa would become engaged to someone she didn’t fully intend to marry. Didn’t fully love.

He’d misread her. Sure, she’d kissed him. But it had been something else. She didn’t love him. She loved whoever this was, whoever sat sparkling in her palm.

Scott nodded and stepped further from her.

“Congratulations.” He choked out, his voice hard and gruff. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” He gave her the best, most encouraging smile he could muster. It was tight and thin and probably didn’t look like a smile at all.

“I’m sorry.” She turned and walked away toward the bank, her hand rose to her forehead as she moved faster and broke into a run up the hill.

“No, I’m sorry.” He muttered after her and punched his hand at the wooden railing. Too late. Much too late.

 

* * *

 

Tessa ran, her feet crunching on the path. When she reached the top she looked toward the main hall. She couldn’t bear to be in there now. Not with him. Not with his daughter. Not with the family she longed to have. She turned and ran down the path toward the carpark and driveway.

Why did everything have to be so messed up? She loved him. Wanted him desperately. Why couldn’t she have waited? Why did she have to agree to marry James? She knew the answer to that. She loved James, she did. It was different, but she did.

But Scott, Scott she loved as deeply as she breathed. She felt like he was in her, never more so than now. She tried to reason with herself, to explain things away, to be rational. You don’t know if he loves you. He never said. It was just a charades game. Just the card he’d been given.

But that kiss. Could he really kiss her like that if he didn’t love her? It had filled her from the top of her head down to curl her toes in her shoes. She hadn’t expected him to kiss her, the most she’d hoped for was a hug. A real full hug like he used to give her, when he’d hold her and squeeze her, protecting and enveloping her.

Oh Scott. Her heart choked her throat. Could she live without him? Again? Forever?

She felt a strong hand fall to her shoulder and squeeze.

She stopped and gave a choked gasp as her eyes fell shut. She hadn’t heard him coming behind her. Too caught in her own thoughts.

A sob tore from her throat.

“I love you.” She choked, admitting the truth of it. The truth of everything. “I love you.” She felt depleted. Everything in her melted, her strength gone. She was nothing but this fact. “I love you.”

A chuckle came from behind her and hands turned her around. “Well, that’s good. I love you too!”

Tessa’s eyes flew wide as she jerked her head up.

James.

“Hi.” He grinned and pulled her close for a hug, her hands hung at her sides in shock before finally lifting to flutter at his waist. “My work finished early so I thought I’d come surprise you. You’re leaving here tomorrow, right?”

“Mhmm.” Tessa nodded over his shoulder. She couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“I just wanted to come out and say hi. I have a hotel in town for tonight and then I’ll be back tomorrow morning. Did you have a good day?” He turned her under his arm and walked back her toward the main hall.

“Yeah.” She nodded.

“What were you running from?” He hugged her closer to his side.

“Nothing.” She let out a resigned sigh. “The past.”


	11. Chapter 9

Scott watched as his daughter carefully lifted the mug of hot chocolate to her mouth and swallowed, trying to catch marshmallows in the process. He smiled and mused, not for the first time, how nice it would be to be eight again. Free from all the pressures of adult life with little concern other than how to drink hot chocolate.

Eight. The year his life had taken a drastically different turn from how it might have unfolded. By the following year he had been committed to that path. All because of a little girl, younger than his daughter, who’d flounced into his life, covered it in pink tulle and sparkles and turned it into something far, far better than anything he could have imagined or managed on his own.

Tessa looked up and grinned. He smirked at her hot chocolate and marshmallow moustache. Then seeing her puzzled look past him, Scott turned and frowned as the other girl of his musings entered the busy main hall as an adult with a man by her side. If this was the fiancé he’d heard about earlier, the man had ridiculously good timing.

They moved closer and Scott read reluctance in every bone of his former partner’s body. Her hands struggled not to clench into fists at her sides.

The man looked oddly familiar.

A short distance away, a smile lit up the man’s features.

He recognised him. The irritating man who had spoken to him just as he’d received the call that his daughter had essentially run away from home.

The cartoon. She was marrying the cartoon.

“Hey, phone man!” A bright grin stretched the man’s features wider than Scott would have thought possible. “James. From the conference,” He clarified and stuck out his hand. Scott gave him a short nod, forced himself to take the man’s hand, and remained silent.

James spotted Tessa, clutching her mug and hovering by Scott’s arm.

“Is that your Tessa?” He asked beaming down at the cautious girl who was blinking up at him in confusion and curiosity.

James didn’t wait for confirmation. He turned to the woman next to him and announced with pride. “This is my Tessa.” He threw his arms about her waist and hauled her close, his cheek pressed to hers as she bent away from him.

He seemed to either not notice or not care, that Tessa tensed and froze in his arms nor that Scott’s expression hardened to a blank mask and the girl’s to something like horror.

“Yes.” Scott reached out to run his hand over his daughter’s hair and down her back, drawing her closer. His eyes never left Tessa’s as she tried to gently free herself from James’ embrace and sent Scott looks of deep apology. “This is my Tessa.”

After a moment Scott patted his daughter’s back.

“I need to get her to bed. We’ll see you later.” He walked away, taking her with him while they each looked back and saw Tessa struggle from her fiancé’s embrace, giving him a tight smile before turning to help with other children.

 

* * *

 

Tessa walked into the main hall. Last day of camp. Breakfast was in full swing and most campers chatted happily and some cried at the idea of leaving their friends behind for another year. The din had her bee-lining for the coffee pot the kitchen staff provided in a slightly hidden location for the camp’s caffeine dependent adults.

She’d tossed and turned all night, waking up several times to shift the covers back onto the single bed then to stare into the darkness before sleep could claim her again. Her mind had raced to work out what she should do.

She could marry James as expected, as planned. It would be the best and most correct thing to do.

She could leave him and marry Scott, be with Scott. She wanted to. She longed for it, still. But he hadn’t asked her, hadn’t given any sign of wanting to be with her other than that kiss. What if it had just been that he’d been happy to see her again and his excitement had taken over? He had always reacted a bit over the top to things, although he seemed to have calmed a little in that respect, but still.

Tessa’s hand shook a little as she held the mug up to the pot. She thought better of it and placed the mug on the bench before pouring. A little cream. A little sugar. A spoon, a nose-poker as James liked to call them.

She turned from the bench and faced the main hall, stirring her coffee as she moved out of the way for the next bleary-eyed, coffee-driven adult.

She spotted Scott with Tessa and her friends. He was waving a little sausage at Julian and animating what seemed to be an animal of sorts. She smiled. He’d always gotten on well with kids. A camp like this was just the place for him.

Gemma one of the younger kitchen staff moved along the rows picking up extra used crockery and placing them in the tub on her hip. She didn’t need to be doing that, the kids were all instructed to place their own plates in the tubs near the kitchen. Likely she should have been doing washing up or something.

As Gemma approached the group it became apparent what her intention was. She’d undone an extra button and leaned over Scott’s shoulder in order to ‘reach’ for his finished plate, offering him an eyeful of her ample chest as she did so. Scott turned to her and gave her a big smile, helping to place the plates in her tub.

Tessa’s heart froze.

Her mind offered explanations and reasoning. It doesn’t mean anything. He’s just being nice. He smiles at everyone. But her heart wasn’t listening. Instead it was swamped by the hurt of the past and the years of her life before it as she’d seen the girls he’d dated and felt the sting of rejection each time, despite the fact that they had never intended to date while they competed together. Still, with each one she felt the inadequacies of her own body. Too small in some areas and too big in others. He liked girls like Gemma, although Tessa frowned and thought he might have raised the age restrictions.

She wouldn’t do this to herself. She refused to go through the pain of watching him date others, marry others. If not Gemma, as her mind tried to logically point out, there would be others. Also, and this she felt was the real point, she wouldn’t do to James what had been done to herself. She wouldn’t put him through that after all the waiting and annoyance and so on she’d already put him through.

This wedding needed to happen and as soon as possible before she changed her mind and ruined everyone’s lives.

Tessa thumped her mug down and marched off to pack her bags.

 

* * *

 

“Tessa!”

Tessa had just reached the main hall after ambling up from the cabin she’d spent so many fun nights giggling to Emma. She’d managed the whole way without her bag dragging on the ground, having hoisted it with both hands and bending over so her hip could aid the effort. After turning around to see Emma and Julian racing toward her, she dropped her bag onto the ground near the mound of other camper’s luggage and placed her pillow on top.

“What?” She asked as she reached her, Emma grabbing her hands and Julian waving his own. Both drew in deep gulps of air as they struggled to bring their breathing under control.

Emma recovered first. “Where’s your dad?”

“He’s bringing his bags from his cabin.” Tessa blinked at them in concern.

“We need him to come now!” Julian waved his arms and wrapped them over his head.

“We were just talking to Patricia and she said that Tessa has already left.” Emma pulled on Tessa’s hands.

Tessa’s heart fell. So that was why she hadn’t seen her since breakfast.

“I thought she might have said goodbye.”

“But that’s not everything. Patricia said she’s getting married.”

“What?” Tessa’s eyes widened. She really had failed. Her mother would be so disappointed. Tears pricked at her eyes.

“So we need to find your dad so he can go and stop her.” Julian pointed out. “Come on!”

They each took one of Tessa’s hands and ran toward the path that would lead to the boys side of the camp and found Scott walking up the path toward them, his bag slung back over one shoulder.

“Dad!” Tessa yelled, jerking his gaze from the phone he was frowning at in his hand.

“Dad!” She gasped out as all three skidded to a halt in front of him.

“What? What?” He asked, mimicking her repetition.

“Is the car fixed? We need to go!” She tugged on his elbow.

“I’m not sure yet, Bug. I need to find some reception. My phone isn’t working.” He waved it through the air continuing his search. “Why the rush? Don’t like it here anymore?”

“There’s internet in the office. You can call from there too.” Emma offered helpfully, a little calmer than Tessa who was growing more agitated by the second.

That their plans were rapidly falling to pieces was too much for Tessa to bear and the tears were already stinging at her eyes, waiting for the smallest trigger to spill over and down her cheeks.

“What’s up, baby girl?” Scott bent to gather her into his side. He dropped his bag next to hers and hugged her in the same motion.

“It’s… it’s not working.” Tessa struggled out.

“What’s not working? It’ll be fine, we’ll call the mechanic.” He offered and stood, taking her hand and walking toward the office. Julian and Emma trailed at his heels.

“No.” Tessa tried to explain, but gave up and focused her attention on not crying.

They reached the office and Scott held the door open for all of them to file in.

“Hi Patricia.” He greeted the secretary who gave him a studied look. She nodded in greeting. “Could I use your phone? I need to contact the mechanic.”

Patricia nodded again and passed the phone over the desk.

Scott found the right number in his own phone and keyed it into the office phone. He held it to his ear and listened to the ring. A glance down showed Tessa watching him tearfully. He patted and rubbed her cheek and pulled her close again.

The others were silent until Patricia’s curiosity got the better of her and she asked, “Are you going after her?

“After who?” Scott asked, wondering why the mechanic was taking so long to pick up.

“Tessa.” Patricia folded her arms, expectant of an affirmative. As Scott appeared puzzled she continued. “She’s left to get married. I thought you’d go and stop her.”

Scott’s eyes widened at the news and he opened his mouth in surprise and an attempt to answer.

“Good morning.” A thin, young, male voice as yet unused to playing receptionist spoke up from the phone. “This is Bob. Erm… the mechanic… Um, how can I help you?”

Scott cleared his throat and frowned in the general direction of no one. “Yes, Scott Moir. You have my car there. How are the repairs going on it? I was told it would be ready this morning.”

“One second, sir.” Rustling of papers and a few keyboard taps ensued. “I’m sorry, sir. It appears your car requires a part that we don’t have in stock. We need to get one in from Toronto. It will take no longer than five days to complete the job.”

“Five days?!” Scott’s stern disapproval had no doubt made the young man on the other end of the phone jump. It had certainly caught the attention of those around him.

“Yes, sir. I’m afraid there isn’t anything I can do about it.”

Scott huffed. “It’s fine. You have my phone number?” The man repeated the number they had on file and he nodded against the phone. “Okay, let me know how it goes.”

He hung up and handed the phone back to Patricia.

Tessa asked. “We can’t leave? What will we do? How will we find Tessa?”

Scott frowned and looked down at her, then at each of them.

“Alright, what’s going on? You’re all strangely interested in this.”

“Nothing’s going on.” Emma offered.

Patricia inserted, “Oh come on, even children can see you’re perfect for each other, even if you haven’t seen each other for a decade.”

“No, there’s more to this. It started a while ago.” He eyed his daughter suspiciously.

“Oh!” Tessa jumped and grabbed her own phone from her pocket, the reminder of how the plan started prompting her into action. A quick glance revealed her phone’s reception was working in the office for now so she hit the call button for the correct number and waited.

At the pickup she brightly greeted and asked, “Uncle Chiddy? Can you come get us? Dad’s car is broken.” At her surrogate uncle’s assurance that he’d be there as soon as he could, she hung up and grinned at her dad.

“He’s coming.”

“Hmm.” Scott crossed his arms over his chest. “How come your phone works here and mine doesn’t?”

Tessa shrugged, “I don’t know. Usually it doesn’t.”

 

* * *

 

They waited four hours for Patrick to free himself from his job and to drive out. During which time, Patricia told Julian and Emma in no uncertain terms that they had to return with their own parents and could most definitely not go with Tessa to see how things turned out. Tessa pinky-swore to send them messages and let them know what happened.

Car after car arrived and left the camp, taking crying and waving campers with them until the father and daughter were left alone apart from the permanent camp staff who disappeared in various directions to continue their work.

Scott and Tessa used the extra time to build a town with stones from the drive, twigs, dirt, leaves, and flowers. Patrick accidentally drove over one end of it, flattening the school as he screeched to a halt and Clara waved out the window at them.

They both climbed out to help with the bags and as Patrick approached Scott a little warily, and with good reason, Scott pulled back his fist and punched him across the cheek. Red blossomed to the surface of his skin and graced his cheekbone. He gave Scott a nod of acceptance and then grunted as Scott grabbed him in a bear hug, shook him, and plonked him back on the ground.

“Found her did you?” Patrick observed.

Scott grunted in the affirmative and gave him a lighter tap on the back of his head.

Clara looked at Tessa, shrugged, and by way of explanation muttered, “Boys.”

Halfway back to Toronto it occurred to Tessa that they didn’t know where the wedding was taking place.

Her father humphed and spoke up, “I never said I was going to go and get her as you seem to have in your head. She’s a grown woman and can make her own decisions. We have to respect that. Can’t just charge in there and take her.” The last was said with a slight wistful longing lying beneath it.

“Did you tell her you love her?” Patrick asked, waving one hand from the wheel. “Tell her you’ve been searching for her since she left?”

Scott looked at him in surprise.

“Yeah, I knew.” Patrick pointed out, “And yeah, you’re going.”

Clara cleared her throat and sat up straighter in her seat. “I found it.” She waved her phone, having begun a search as soon as she’d had found reception again. “The Watford Estate. It’s listed in the schedule for tonight at 6pm.”

“Oh no,” Tessa whispered.

Scott said nothing, but the tick that usually made Tessa freeze in whatever she was doing jumped along his jawline.

“She always did work fast.” Patrick commented.

“It’s okay. We can get there.” Clara checked the time on her phone. “We still have four hours.”

“It’ll take us three to get there.” Scott pointed out, having looked up the estate’s location on his own phone as soon as she’d announced it.

“We’ll be okay.” Clara turned to Tessa. “Ready for a trip, Bug?”

Tessa replied brightly, “Yeah!” She threw both hands in the air and grinned at her father. He did his best to look disgruntled but a tiny smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth.

 

* * *

 

Three hours later, give or take a few minutes for a pit stop part way which included the purchase of a bag of cookies and juice to share, they arrived.

The estate building sprawled white and majestic, like a crown on the countryside, and surrounded with beautifully arranged gardens. With just under an hour to go the carpark was already filling with guests. Patrick parked a little out of the way and they all clambered out.

“Let’s go find her!” Tessa urged, and grabbed her father’s hand, pulling him toward the house. Patrick and Clara followed.

Stepping inside they found a few early guests standing about among soft twinkling music, strings of tiny lights, vases of pink and white flowers, and large ribbon bows around pots.

The chapel was decorated in a similar fashion and chatter flowed quietly around.

“Where is she?” Tessa whispered, afraid to break the beautiful ambience of the place.

“I don’t know.” Scott answered, looking around. “But she will.” He eyed an older woman standing near the wide flight of stairs. He looked back at Patrick who nodded to him.

Scott gave Tessa’s hand a nervous squeeze. It was rare to see her father this nervous. In fact she couldn’t remember the last time she had. She followed him over and stood quietly while he waited for the woman’s attention away from a staff member carrying yet another vase of flowers.

He cleared his throat and greeted her.

“Kate.”

The woman turned to them and seeing him, her chin lifted and her eyes gained a complexity of emotions, anger, disappointment, wariness.

“Hello, Scott.”

She waited for him to explain his presence, unprepared to be the one to begin conversation.

He floundered a second. His mind had been so fixed on what to say to Tessa that he hadn’t considered what he might say to her mother.

“Kate, I’m sorry. Can I see her?”

It was the best he could come up with.

She raised her chin a fraction further.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Come on, Kate.” Patrick interjected.

“Chiddy.” She greeted him with a brief nod before turning back to Scott. “You broke my daughter’s heart and then left her alone to suffer for years, why should I let you in on her wedding day?”

Scott bristled at the idea that he’d been the one to do the leaving at all, but choked it down and nodded. “I know I have no right to see her.”

“You know why he has to, Kate.” Patrick tried to help again.

Scott could come up with nothing more than, “Please Kate.”

Kate’s brow creased, the war in her mind evident on her face. Help the man she’d looked on as a son, or be true to her daughter’s wishes.

“Please,” Tessa’s smaller voice lifted from where she stood at Scott’s elbow, clinging to his hand. “Please,” she began again. “Can I see her? I’m Tessa, too.” It seemed obvious to her that people with the same name should be able to see each other without too much difficulty.

Kate’s eyes widened as they swept over Tessa, really seeing her for the first time. She looked from the girl to her father.

Scott nodded and squeezed Tessa’s hand.

“Kate, I’d like you to meet my daughter, Tessa.”

Kate blinked and swallowed slowly.

She stepped to the side and nodded with a soft, “Go up.”

Tessa moved to follow her father but Kate caught her hand.

“Would you stay and talk with me for a moment?”

Tessa looked at Scott who nodded and leapt up the stairs two at a time and disappeared around the bend at the top before Kate could change her mind. He heard Patrick introduce Kate to Clara.

It didn’t take him long to find the right room. A couple of young women he didn’t recognise, dressed in identical floaty soft pink dresses left as he approached.

He gave a sharp knock to the wooden door and without waiting for acknowledgement, turned the handle and pushed inside.

 

* * *

 

Tessa inspected herself in the three tall mirrors angled to show different views of her appearance. She smoothed her hands down her dress. Her wedding dress. It was beautiful. A white, beaded and fitted bodice disappearing into layers of tulle upon tulle.

It hadn’t been her first choice. She might have preferred something with more elegance to it, but she knew it was what James wanted, knew he’d longed to see her float toward him on a cloud of skirt. He’d whispered it in her ear once as they had sipped wine in front of a crackling winter fire and talked of dreams and wishes.

She’d been fortunate to find this dress in only one furious hour of shopping through the bridal stores of Toronto. Her mother and Jordan had supported her the whole day. She knew she was making life difficult for everyone by demanding the wedding take place this weekend. The wedding planner had been a godsend, and thankfully James had already had most of the wedding arranged. It had taken him hardly any time at all to add the final touches while Tessa had been given the single job of finding herself a dress.

Some guests who might have come hadn’t been able to make it with the short notice and Tessa did feel badly about that, but the panic and urgency filling her spurred her on. Not for the first time she sighed over being a psychologist with so many issues of her own. It was a miracle that she’d always had a mysterious knack for compartmentalising her feelings and concerns away from her job and to focus on her clients. Perhaps it came from all those years of focus on the ice. Although there, she’d had someone else to help keep her focus.

_Oh Tessa, don’t think of him_. She scolded herself and her hands shook as the fluttered down the layers of her skirt.

The door opened with a creak and she looked up expecting to see James’ younger sisters, her bridesmaids, return in a giggle of curled and twirled young womanhood.

Instead her eyes met those of the very man she was desperate to put from her mind.

“Scott!” She gasped, “I’m getting married in an hour!”

“So I heard.” He replied and closed the door behind himself. Without looking at his watch, he corrected her, “In forty-three minutes.”

He strode across the room and grabbed her hands. “Better make this quick.” He studied her eyes, watching the emotions play over them as she they always had, fright, want, love, worry.

“I love you, Tessa. Always have, always will.”

Tessa blinked in surprise and the suddenness of the declaration.

“Y-you.” Her mouth opened, words absent. “You.”

“Yes.” He smirked, full of hope at her response. “You, me, us.” He grinned and leaned forward to catch her shocked open lips with his own.

She seemed to melt into him for a moment before her hands rose to his chest and she pushed against him with all her might.

“No! What are you doing?” She fluttered her hands about her dress and whirled to check her lipstick in the mirror.

“What am I doing?” Scott teased. “Pretty obvious, I thought.”

She whirled back at him, her skirts swirling angrily. “You can’t just come here like this! It’s my wedding day! Do you know what I’ve done, what I’ve been through, I… what I’ve… You left me!”

“I left you? No, let’s be truthful here. You left me, Tessa!” The tick along his jaw added to the tone of his voice and betraying just how much that had hurt him. He sighed and swallowed, dragging his emotions back under control. “You left.”

Tessa bowed her head and fought her tears. There was no doubt that tonight she would be collapsing into bed, emotionally spent.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. “But, you left me first.”

“What do you mean? I was always there.”

“No. You always left me. Over and over. With each of them.”

Understanding dawned on him. He’d always meant physically, but she’d felt abandoned emotionally. As though he hadn’t loved her always and through every moment of his life. He grasped her elbows and held her still, leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers. He sighed.

Feeling the change in his demeanour her own responded, the fight went out of her and she curved into him as naturally as she always had.

“I love you, T.” His breath caressed her face as he spoke. “I loved you then and I love you now. Back then I didn’t realise how or how much.” He pulled back and scooped his hands around her face, cradling her jaw, fingers skimming over her neck and into her hair. “When you left, I was so angry. So angry and hurt and… I didn’t know what I was feeling. You know me, I just react, not so good at thinking through. It took people a good few months to get me to calm down enough to look for you. And by then you were gone. Completely. I couldn’t even find Kate or anyone.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Tessa repeated like a mantra.

“Where’d you go?” Scott lowered his hands and wrapped them around her, pulling her against him in a hug. Her arms went about his waist and she sighed, letting him hold her as her hands hugged and stroked his back.

“I was at the lake house for a while. Just thinking. I needed to work out how I felt and what to do and everything.” She spoke against the metal zipper of his jacket. “While I was there mom got a job offer that meant moving to Toronto. We sold the house and went. We’ve been there ever since.”

Her arms tightened around his waist as she remembered the night by the gentle, lapping waves as wine spilt over her hands and she watched through her tears as she hit delete on email addresses and online accounts. “I guess I needed a blank slate. I got a new phone, new email, everything.”

Scott groaned and kissed her neck, her cheek and moved to her mouth. “I’m sorry.” He murmured against her lips. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Never meant to…” He pressed his lips to hers, nibbling and tasting.

“I looked for you everywhere I could think of.” He admitted between kisses. “I’ve been to so many fashion shows, ballets, and cafes you wouldn’t believe it.”

Tessa gave a soft giggle and teased, “So that’s why you look so stylish now.” She tugged on his in style jacket as her heart swelled.

Tears fell down her cheeks to mingle with his kisses and she pushed into him, her arms winding tight about his neck. Her heart filled with excitement as she began to believe it might all be true. _He loves me, really loves me._

“Come with me.” He kissed her ear.

Tessa drew away. She kept hold of his hand, not willing to relinquish all contact just yet. She shook her head. “I can’t.”

“You can’t,” he repeated as though trying to wrap his mind around this. “Why not? You love me, Tess.”

“I do,” she nodded. “But I can’t do this to him. Leave him at the altar? In front of all his family and friends?” She shook her head again. “It isn’t fair to him.”

“Isn’t fair?” Scott gripped her hand tighter and waved his other in the air. “How fair is it to marry him when you love me?”

Tessa caught her lower lip as her eyes began to fill again. “I can’t. You don’t know what he’s done. What he’s been to me. He’s been so patient with everything, loving me when I was trying so hard to push him away. He’s been so constant, Scott. I can’t.”

She reached for his jacket, smoothing and grasping it, trying to get him to look at her and… and to what, to be okay? “Please Scott, I can’t do to him what…” She trailed off.

“What I did to you.” He finished for her, pushing her hands away and stepping from her.

Tessa gripped her hands together, wringing and digging her nails against her skin. More than anything she wished he would ignore her request and just take her, steal her, take the decision out of her hands and be the bad guy for her. But she knew he wouldn’t. Knew he’d respect her choices. Never in her life had she so desired to be disrespected.

“Okay.” Scott nodded, his teeth clenching and releasing. “Congratulations, Tessa." He gave her the brightest smile he could manage. It almost reached his eyes. "I hope you’ll be very happy.” He leaned down, a hand resting on her shoulder as he pressed a fleeting kiss to her cheek. “Goodbye.”

He turned and walked toward the door as she whispered after him, “Bye.”


	12. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter. Wow - it feels a little surreal to say that. There will be a short epilogue up soon but other than that, this is a wrap. Thank you so much for all of your support through this and I very much hope you enjoy this chapter!

Tessa hovered outside the open doors leading into the chapel, trying fervently to calm her nervous stomach as it tried to rebel and rid her of the last meal she’d eaten. Had it been lunch? Her father stood by the door waiting for her to take his arm. James’ sisters arranged her voluminous white skirt carefully about her feet so it would move just right as she walked. She hugged each of them and thanked them as they exclaimed their happiness that she would soon be their real sister. They would walk first down the red carpeted aisle.

Her own sister, who would walk next, hugged her tighter and whispered how much she loved her. Tessa nodded and swallowed, silently hoping to any being that would listen that she was doing the right thing. She couldn’t shake this fear that had settled into the pit of her stomach that she really wasn’t, although she was certain that she was. Wasn’t she?

The music began to spill from inside the chapel. The women lined up and the first began her walk, flowers held just so before her and smiling to those gathered and standing to welcome her entrance. One followed another. Just before she began Jordan threw her an encouraging, yet slightly concerned smile and began her own walk down the aisle.

Tessa smiled shakily and her hand shivered as she placed it on her father’s forearm. He covered her hand with his other and rubbed it encouragingly.

“You look beautiful.” He smiled.

Tessa nodded in thanks.

“Come on.” He moved them to the door and at the music’s change began to walk her toward the altar at the far end.

The altar had been covered in a cloth and flowers, and placed before an arch festooned with similar flowers. The groomsmen stood before it to one side, the bridesmaids on the other. James stood before the groomsmen, his face lit with pride and love for her. She did her best to smile back, to make herself just as excited for this beginning of their new life together.

She looked around the guests, those who had been able to make it. His family warmly welcoming her, except for a couple of distant cousins who felt she wasn’t quite good enough. Her own side was full of encouraging and admiring faces. She swept over them, searching for her mother. She found her near the front and Tessa’s heart jerked from her chest to her throat. Next to her mother, Scott’s daughter Tessa stood on her seat. Her eyes wide and wet with tears and fear, her hands clasped over her chest. Next to her was Scott himself.

How they came to be standing next to her mother in the front row she would ask later and discover that when left behind with Kate, Patrick, Clara, and Tessa had regaled her with the events of the past few weeks and on Scott’s return from her room Kate had insisted he and his daughter sit with her for the ceremony.

For now Tessa found herself caught by Scott’s supportive gaze, carefully trying to conceal love and sadness and failing at both.

Tessa’s feet froze. They planted themselves into the floor and refused to move no matter how much she urged and begged them. The music continued unheedingly of her plight. She wrenched her gaze from Scott and stared down at her dress, begging her feet to move and to continue her journey to the front of the chapel.

“Tessa?” Her father asked low and tugged at her arm. “Are you okay, honey? Tessa?”

She looked up and managed a nod, but still her feet wouldn’t move. This was a nightmare. She couldn’t move, everyone starring at her, she was certain that if she looked down she’d find herself naked. She looked at the front where the arch, ornate flowers, bridesmaids and groomsmen waited. Her friends. And James.

James’ expression was one she hadn’t seen before. He looked concerned? Maybe annoyed? She couldn’t tell. Then he frowned and lowered his head, staring right into her. Willing her to move?

Tessa felt tears pushing at the back of her eyes, demanding release. She was messing everything up. Their beautiful wedding day and her stupid feet were ruining it. She couldn’t move forward, couldn’t run. She was just… stuck.

James left his position and strode toward her. Her bouquet shook as he approached.

Leaning close his hand closed over her wrist behind the bouquet and she gripped it tighter.

“I told you I would drag you to the altar, didn’t I?” He whispered in her ear, reminding her of words he’d spoken in jest as he’d watched her pack for camp. She could find no words to reply, simply swallowed against her tears.

He tightened his grip on her wrist and pulled. Her feet had no choice but to move. It was move or fall face first into the aisle. Her body chose survival. Her feet clunked like lead under her delicate dress. Her bouquet shaking in her hand caught by his, she scooped at her skirt with her free hand, trying to save it and herself.

Gasps rose from the guests. Her father watched in slight shock, his hand reaching dumfounded after her. She glanced over at Scott and saw he’d taken steps toward her, only to be stopped by Patrick Chan in the row behind him and his own indecision over whether or not to interfere.

In front of the altar, James stopped and whirled her around to face him, turning her back to Scott. He grabbed her other hand and held them both between them.

“Tessa.” He began, his expression more serious than she’d ever seen him. “I love you.”

“I-I know.” Tessa’s voice cracked under her tears and she nodded.

“No. You don’t.” James shook his head and his expression softened a little. “You think you do, but you don’t.” He took a breath and let it release. She watched him, confused. “Tessa. I love you for being here. You give so much of yourself to me. I’m incredibly fortunate to have met you, to have known you, and to have you standing here in front of me. You’ve made me happy beyond anything.”

He released one of her hands and smoothed his fingers over her temple and into her hair. “But here’s the kicker, sweetheart…”

He leaned down and kissed her forehead, pressing his cheek against her skin for a moment.

He sighed.

“I love you.”

He pulled back and turned her in his arms until he held her back against his front, his hands resting on her beaded waist.

“And this is what love is.”

He lifted her chin till her eyes met Scott’s.

“Go to him, Tessa. You’re his and he’s yours.”

“But…” Tessa started and tried to turn back to him.

“No.” He answered her protest. “I’ll be fine. You know this is right. I want you happy.”

Tessa’s tears spilled over and she pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Th-thank you.” She whispered.

James nodded and gave a gruff acknowledgement. “Now go on, no more running. Don’t make me push you.” His attempt at a joke fell a little flat and the sparkle didn’t reach his eyes.

Tessa squeezed his hand and gave him a watery smile in return.

She stepped from him and moved toward Scott, her feet wanted to run forward but this time she held them in check. She stopped a couple of steps from him, suddenly shy, her eyes fixed on the floor, and with no idea how to ask. Would you have me? Can I stay with you? Be with you?

She stuttered out, “W-would you..? Can I..?” She nervously raised her eyes to his and gasped as Scott launched forward in reply and scooped one arm around her waist, one up her back to hold her head. He lifted her against his front and kissed her strong and firm leaving no doubt in her mind that the answer to all her questions was yes. The bouquet tumbled from her hand as her arms wrapped around his neck and she kissed him back delirious with thankfulness.

Murmurs of indignation rose from some of the guests while cheers came from the others. A few ‘thank God’s were thrown into the mix. She leaned back from him a little and a short glance over her shoulder showed that James and his immediate family had disappeared.

Scott let her slip back to her feet, took her hand, and with strides quick enough to be nudging into running territory, headed down the aisle for the exit.

“Wait.” She held both hands over his and pulled him to slow down. “I can’t run in these.”

Scott growled and stopped. He turned and swept her up in his arms, tulle floating into the air around them.

“Sorry.” Tessa laughed and patted at the layers of skirt, trying to keep it out of his way.

Scott grinned. “Doesn’t matter. It’s kind of nice to have your skirt in my face again.”

Tessa coughed on her laughter and patted his chest. “I can’t believe you just said that.” She looped her arms around his neck and held herself up, pressing her forehead to his temple with a sigh.

Behind them, giddy with excitement, his daughter grabbed at the fallen forgotten bouquet and missed. She bobbed up to address the crowd and called, “Bye!” She grabbed at the bouquet again and jumped up with it in her hand. “Thanks for having us!” And with that she ran through the open doors and after her father and his armfuls of white tulle. Patrick and Clara followed, guarding her in slight fear that anyone might interfere.

Scott refused to put Tessa down until they reached the car. Even then he let her go only so much as to let her feet touch the ground, his arm remained firmly wrapped around her waist, his expression daring anyone to try and separate them again.

 

* * *

 

As Tessa, followed by Patrick and Clara, also reached the car Patrick called out, “Hey, Bug, you want to stay with us tonight?”

Tessa furrowed her brow and looked around the adults. All four wore matching, oddly coaxing smiles. She didn’t really. Everything had just worked out and she wanted to see what happened next. She wanted to ask why but that seemed like it would be rude, she didn’t want to make them think she didn’t want to go to their place, even though she really didn’t.

Instead she went with a noncommittal, “Um.”

Patrick raised an eyebrow at Scott who gave a tiny nod and he turned back to Tessa. She inched a little closer to her father who rubbed her shoulder as Patrick caught her hand and shook it bobbing down into a squat. He added, “Not for a long time, just for tonight. Your dad and Tessa have a lot to talk about and we can go see Giovanni.” Clara nodded behind him, her face in a wide smile.

It all felt very strange to Tessa like there was something more to all this that the adults weren’t willing to tell her. She looked up at Tessa and Scott who both seemed to be holding their breath, their eyes kind and hesitant. She turned back to Patrick and nodded. “Okay. I’ll come over.”

“Thanks, Bug.” Patrick smiled and stood. “I think Giovanni has a new pizza he wanted to try out on you. He’s been bugging me to bring you down for ages.”

Clara huffed, “’Ages.’ He asked you twice.”

“In the same night.” The gravel crunched beneath Patrick’s feet as he turned and opened his hands in evidence. Clara rolled her eyes and a smirk appeared at the corner of her mouth.

“Anyway.” She turned to give Tessa a warm smile and stuck out her hand. “In all this, we haven’t been introduced.” Tessa took her hand. “I’m Clara. His wife.” She chucked her chin in Patrick’s direction.

Tessa’s eyes lit up. “You got married?” She asked Patrick who nodded and tried to look unhappy about it. Tessa laughed and turned back to Clara. “I’m so pleased to meet you.”

“And I you.” Clara grinned. “You have no idea. We need to do coffee.”

Tessa laughed and nodded. “Definitely.”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough plotting.” Scott broke their hands apart and nudged Clara back to Patrick. “You don’t even know each other yet.” He clapped his hands and patted the roof of the car. “Everyone in.” He directed and nudged both Tessas toward the doors. “Quick before someone tries to stop us.”

They all laughed began the consideration of how best to work the seating arrangements. It was quickly decided that Tessa with her ‘giant white floof of a dress,’ as Patrick declared it, should take the front passenger seat. He muttered under his breath that he’d always assumed she’d go for something sleeker and that it would have been easier if she had. Tessa didn’t reply and Patrick shrugged and rattled his keys toward the driver’s seat. He would drive, it was his car after all. The other three would arrange themselves into the back. Clara behind Patrick, Tessa in the middle, and then Scott on the other side behind the passenger seat.

“Tessa! Scott! Wait!” Came a familiar voice calling across the carpark and accompanied by shoes running over gravel. They turned back to see Kate running toward them and waving an overnight bag.

Reaching them, she pushed the bag into her daughter’s hands and hugged her over it. “You’ll probably need that.” She blinked at fresh tears as they wet her reddened eyes.

“Thanks, Mom.” Tessa kissed her cheek and hugged her again. “I’m sorry.”

“Pfft.” Kate waved at her. “Don’t you dare.”

She turned to Scott next and pulled him into a hug. “Oh you nearly gave me a heart attack.” She kissed his cheek and he pulled her close, wrapping his arms tight about her.

“You damn well better marry my daughter.” She whispered in his ear.

“I will.” He promised in a returned whisper. “If she’ll have me.”

Kate smacked his arm as he released her. “Silly boy.”

She turned then to the girl who stared up at her with wide eyes. Kate gave her a big smile and a gentle kiss to her cheek. “You. Are amazing.” She patted her shoulder. “You have no idea how long…” Kate stopped as tears choked her voice. “Just amazing.” She whispered and straightened up.

She turned to face them all and waved. “I’ll see you all later. Take care of each other.” She threw a wave to Patrick and Clara.

A bubble of voices drifted over the carpark and they looked up to see the wedding guests, including the rest of Tessa’s family and a number of James’, spilling from the church.

“Go.” Kate instructed. “If you don’t leave now you’ll be here forever.”

The others arranged themselves into their seats and Scott nodded. “Thanks Kate.” He jumped in after his daughter who scrambled across to the middle and picked up her seatbelt. Patrick glanced around in a quick check to make sure everyone was in and belted he took off, crunching gravel toward the large gates.

 

* * *

 

The initial excitement of having ‘stolen’ a bride from her wedding, and for three of the car’s occupants the additional relief at completing the secret plan, kept everyone in high spirits and they chatted about every aspect they could think to discuss. Each story was topped by someone else. Clara, Patrick, and Tessa especially had stories to exclaim over having not been a part of the immediate goings on and having observed the crowd a bit. Scott and Tessa stayed mostly quiet, listening and laughing at the others.

“Oh and what about the lady with the giant feather!” Tessa chuckled as the girl waved her hands from the top of her head toward the ceiling of the car which she brushed with her fingertips. “She went like…” A demonstration followed where her small eyes bulged, and her cheeks were puffed. She shook her head in a comic squeal.

Scott chuckled and Clara exclaimed, “Oh yes! I saw her.”

Tessa took turned over her shoulder and added in, “That must have been Aunt Shirley.” She cleared her throat and sat a little straighter. “I mean, James’ Aunt Shirley. She was always very over the top.” She fell quiet again and sank back a little into her chair.

She was thankful when Patrick immediately launched into a description of an usher who’d dropped their handful of ceremony pamphlets and her own quiet seemed to go unnoticed. She fervently hoped that she’d done the right thing. She felt like she had. James had told her to go after all and she was certain there was no place on earth she’d rather be than right here. Well she’d like to be rid of this dress. The tight bodice was digging into her. It was a dress made for standing, not sitting, and they had a couple of hours to drive back to Toronto. She shifted her shoulders a bit and tried to sit straighter, attempting to relieve the pressure on her front. She smoothed her hands over the piles of tulle. It was a bit of a miracle that she fit into the car in this floof. She smiled a little nervously down at it. Patrick was right, it was a floof.

The reality of how close she’d come to being married right now sunk in and she bit her lip at the enormity of it. It would have been wrong. Away from the situation and the emotion of it all, she saw that now. She’d almost messed up so many things. If it hadn’t been for James, she would have. The knowledge sent shivers through her.

She jumped as fingertips touched the back of her upper arm through the gap between her chair and the car door. A soft intake of breath filled her lungs as the fingers reached around her arm, warm and comforting. She released the breath as Scott’s fingers stroked downward. She moved her arm closer to him and wriggled it down the side of her chair. He lingered over the inside of her elbow and then sank further, looping around her wrist and settling finally to thread their fingers together, palms kissing.

Tessa breathed deep and lay her head back against the headrest, turning her face toward the window and him. She felt him rest his forehead against the back of her headrest and turn his face toward his daughter who continued to animatedly discuss events with Clara and Patrick. Scott’s thumb swept over her hand in small strokes, sending waves of contentment and peace through her. Her eyes grew heavy. She blinked them against the passing scenery and let them close for a moment.

 

* * *

 

At long last they drove through the streets of Toronto toward the tall building that housed Scott and Tessa’s apartment. Patrick pulled into the park normally reserved for Scott’s car and one by one they climbed out, stretching and pulling their muscles back into place. Both Tessas had slept most of the way and Scott had napped briefly, during which his daughter had fallen over to sleep with her head wedged between his back and the seat. Clara and Patrick had laughed at her before Clara gently tugged her out and coaxed her to lay across her lap.

Now she blinked into the dim light of the carpark and stumbled toward the elevator with the others, her legs growing stronger with each step.

Scott opened the door and they entered the small entry way.

Tessa looked up, hope and anxiousness playing across her face, “Do you like our place?”

Tessa smiled back at her and nodded. “It’s lovely.” She assured, even though she’d seen nothing but the entry floorboards.

“Come on, grab your things.” Patrick poked the girl in her shoulder and she ran off to get the additional items she wanted to add to her bag in the car from camp.

Tessa wandered into the main living area of the apartment with the others. She took in the kitchen, dining area, couches, TV, and the view from the large windows. She turned to find Scott watching her with the same question in his eyes as his daughter had asked. She smiled back at him and nodded the same answer she’d given before.

Footsteps thumped down the hall and Tessa was back with a small pink bag with a white bunny on the side.

“Alright.” Patrick clapped, “We’re off. See you tomorrow.” He thumped Scott on the arm and gave Tessa a quick hug, saying, “I’m glad you’re back.”

Clara waved goodbye as Tessa ran over and hugged them both with surprising strength for someone her size before Clara herded her toward the door.

The chatting and calls farewell fell into an echoing silence as the heavy door was shut and the automatic lock sounded.

Tessa clasped her hands in front of her and Scott shuffled his feet, hands rising to his hips and falling again.

“Want a drink?” He offered, uncertain if out of politeness, assumption that she was thirsty or just as something to say and fill the nervous void that had fallen between them.

The sound of his voice shook Tessa a little and she smiled, “Actually I think I just want to get out of this.” She shook her skirt with one hand and lifted her overnight bag.

“Sure. Yeah.” Scott nodded and took the bag from her. He headed off down the hall and she followed. He pointed out rooms as they passed. Tessa’s room, obvious by the flower on the door. The bathroom opposite. The office next to Tessa’s room. And lastly, opposite the office, he pushed open the door to his bedroom.

She wasn’t sure exactly what she expected from his room now, but this was pretty much it. Strong striped blocks of colour on the bedspread, a rectangular rug, a wooden box at the end of his bed that must be more storage. Curtains to block the city lights, and a door that she assumed led to a small en suite bathroom.

He placed her bag on the foot of the bed and moved to the door, giving her a nod and telling her to take her time. She smiled back as he closed the door and beat a retreat down the hall.

Tessa drew in a deep breath and released it as she unzipped her bag. She found a pair of pyjamas that would be suitable. Thankfully she’d thought to pack a more comfortable, sedate pair as well as the sexy lingerie she had previously planned to change into, at the start of her honeymoon.

She began with her hair. It was easy enough. She hadn’t worn a veil and her hair had been simply curled and left to hang freely apart from a few pins which held the waves up at the side of her head. She removed them and massaged the skin beneath.

She moved to undo her dress next and discovered the problem she probably should have considered earlier, there was no way she was getting this dress off herself. It was done up the back and the dress simply would not shift on her body enough for her to get it undone herself.

She pursed her lips and rolled her eyes to the wall at the cliché she was stumbling into, but there was nothing for it. She opened the door and saw Scott sitting in one of the dining chairs at the far end of the apartment. He leaned back in the chair, one ankle resting over the opposite knee, and flipping through a magazine.

“Scott?” She called. She hadn’t said it loud but he glanced up immediately and started toward her. When he’d drawn near she turned a little, showing him her back, “Um,” Tessa swayed as she brushed her buttons with her fingertips. “Could you..?”

“Oh. Yeah.” He followed her back into the room and stood closer, the tulle embracing his legs.

He brushed his fingers over the top of the bodice and down the row of troublesome buttons.

“You sure you have enough buttons on this?”

Tessa giggled and pressed her hand to her lips. There were eighteen small, white fabric-covered buttons, down her back in groups of two.

“It’s not all there are.” She said apologetically. The buttons were largely decorative, although also somewhat functional. Hidden beneath them were also hooks and eyes giving strength to the bodice. So much so that she wore nothing underneath. A part of her skipped in wonder at what he’d do when he discovered that.

She held her hair over her shoulder as he set to work pushing the buttons through their tiny loops. He’d undone the top two sets when he tugged at the bodice to open it that far and grunted as he found his plan thwarted by the little hooks. Tessa resisted the urge to laugh at his deep sigh of derision.

Dutifully he undid them, one by one. Buttons, then hooks, buttons, then hooks. As each set fell open his fingers brushed her skin beneath and she found herself looking forward to each brief touch.

Scott reached the bottom of the set of fastenings and exposing her whole back to the air. He moved back to her shoulders, stroking down her arms and back up. Tessa sighed at the touch of his hands, her breath catching as his fingers slipped beneath the fabric to stroke her skin. His lips fell to the base of her neck. Following the movement of her body, his hands travelled down to rest where her waist curved to her hips.

Tessa leaned back against him, her cheek resting against his shoulder. She turned her face to him and sighed as he whispered her name against her lips. His hands moved beneath her dress and all thought of discussing their future was put on hold for a while.

 

* * *

 

The next morning Tessa opened her eyes and blinked at the small ray of sunlight reaching into the room through a gap in the curtains. The whole of yesterday seemed so surreal now. She felt as though she were still dreaming and soon she’d wake to find herself back in her bedroom in her own small house on the other side of the city.

The arm that lay heavy across her stomach insisted that despite all likelihood to the contrary, she was indeed here. ‘Here’ also known as ‘Scott’s bed’. How this was reality her heart had yet to explain fully to her mind, yet real it was. She shifted to face him, watching the sunlight tease at the edge of one eye. She lifted her hand and shielded him from its light.

He grunted, half awake and pulled her closer, cuddling her into his side and tangling their legs together.

“Mmph, Tessa.” He murmured.

“Yeah.” She replied and lifted his hand to her lips for a kiss.

“You sure you aren’t imaginary?”

Tessa giggled, “I was going to ask you the same thing.” She nuzzled his nose with her own and kissed him.

“Mm, much better than imaginary.” He rolled onto his back and pulled her over to lie on top of him, looping his arms about her waist and holding her fast.

“You dreamed about me?” She asked, tracing a path with her fingers across his cheek to his lips.

“Yeah. A lot.” He admitted. “Tried not to, but you were always there trying to get back in.” He cleared his throat at the admission. “You?”

“Mhmm. Too often. You made it kind of hard to move on.”

“I’d like to say I’m sorry for that, but I’m really not.”

Tessa grinned. “You’re silly.”

Scott grinned back at her. “Yup.” He cupped her face with his hands and held her still while he played over her lips with his own.

After a time he stopped and sighed.

“I guess we should get up. No telling when Chiddy and Clara are going to drop Bug on us.”

Tessa nodded in agreement and moved to the side of the bed. As she sat up Scott shifted after her, looped her waist with his arms again, and kissed her side.

“You aren’t helping.” Tessa teased and ruffled his hair.

Scott only gave her an impish grin in return.

“You hit the shower first. I’ll pass in a towel.” He released her and they parted, her to the shower and him to the hallway cupboard for a fresh towel.

When she’d finished, Tessa towelled her hair dry as he showered and she hunted through her bag for clothes for the day. Her pyjamas were returned to it fresh and unused.

Once he was out and dressed, he pressed a strong kiss to her lips and led her down the hall for breakfast. He deposited her on one of the tall stools against the kitchen bench.

“What would you like? I’m pretty good at pancakes now.” He grinned and then teased. “Or would you prefer a very romantic poached egg.”

Tessa laughed and gave him a light slap at the old joke. “Pancakes sound great.”

He gave her a bright smile and leaned down to kiss her again. “I’m really glad you’re here.” He murmured against her lips.

“Me too,” Tessa smiled and kissed him back.

He reluctantly drew himself from her and after making them each a mug of coffee, began arranging the necessary items for a pancake breakfast.

Tessa watched him in happiness as he bustled about feeding her pancakes from a shared plate along with chocolate and coffee. She decided emphatically that there was no better place on earth than right here. She had no doubt that this was where she should be, but she felt tiny pangs of apology toward James creep into her heart, though she knew he would be fine. Oddly apologies toward Emily crept in after those for James. She knew she shouldn’t at all feel badly toward a woman who had been gone for eight years, but still, the niggling concern remained. Would she have been okay with this? Assuming this all worked out and Tessa fervently hoped it would, would Emily be okay with Tessa having a hand in raising her daughter?

Scott reached over and tipped her head up with a knuckle under her chin. He kissed her and held another bite of pancake to her lips. She obediently took it and chewed.

“You’re overthinking things, aren’t you?” He commented, it wasn’t really a question.

She let out a short breath and nodded, swallowing the piece of pancake.

“I’m just… I don’t…” She stopped there as the door to the apartment flew open and Tessa ran in in a flurry of bags and pillow.

“I’m home!” She yelled.

“We’re right here, Bug.” Scott called back at a much lower decibel and turned to his daughter. “What’s with the yelling?”

“Oops,” she said and grinned in half apology. He fluffed her ponytail in affectionate chastisement.

Patrick and Clara followed the whirlwind in and looked relieved at finding Scott and Tessa dressed and at breakfast.

“So-ooo, how are things?” Patrick wriggled his eyebrows suggestively and Clara gave him a light punch in the stomach, at which he doubled over and pretended to be wounded.

Scott chose to ignore the teasing and asked his daughter if she’d had pizza.

“Yup! We did.” Her eyes lit up. “Giovani has an apple crumble pizza now.” Her voice gave the words ‘apple crumble’ a hushed reverence.

“Huh, how does that work?” Scott’s brow furrowed in puzzlement.

“It’s a pizza base without any tomato or cheese or anything, and just apple and crumble and stuff. It’s really good.” She explained.

Scott considered the prospect thoughtfully and nodded as the described dessert drew together in his mind.

“Alright, well we’re off again.” Clara announced, pushing Patrick toward the door. “Things to do and places to be.” She offered by way of uninformative explanation.

“Bye Bug,” She turned to Tessa and scooped her into a hug and kissed her cheek. Patrick gave her a hug too and they both waved a cheery farewell.

As they left Scott prompted his daughter, “Bags away, please.”

She grinned, happy to be home, hoisted them up and made her way to her room with them.

“And you.” Scott turned to Tessa as he took their shared plate and rinsed it off. “What’s up?” He refilled their coffee mugs and taking her hand, pulled her to sit on the couch.

 

* * *

 

Tessa finished putting all her things away with lightning speed and dumped her large pile of washing into the basket in the bathroom. She danced lightly down the hall to the living area. Happiness at having fulfilled her mother’s request lifted her onto her toes as she spun.

As she reached the end of the hallway Tessa’s voice, a little sad and concerned, reached her ears.

“Do you feel like that, too?”

She paused mid-twirl, caught for a moment by the question. She could see her father and Tessa sitting on the couch. Her dad was leaning forward and rubbed a hand over his face. Tessa was curled onto one knee to face him. She continued, “That we’re betraying her memory or that she would be hurt by this?’’

Scott nodded and reached for Tessa’s hand.

“It’s silly. She’d be fine. She’d like it. I know that, but I can’t seem to shake it.” He admitted.

Tessa nodded and agreed quietly. “Me too.”

Tessa knew they were talking about her mother and turned back to her room. She pulled out her birthday letter and returned to the living room.

“Hi Bug.” Her father greeted and rubbed her back as she leant over the back of the couch. Tessa smiled up at her.

“Dad. Tessa. There’s something you should see.” She drew the letter out in front of her and held it down between them.

“Is this your letter?” Scott asked, taking the white envelope from her hands.

“Yeah.”

Scott turned to the woman on the couch to explain. “Emily wrote Bug a bunch of letters before she died. This was the one for her eighth birthday. Which she wouldn’t let me read before now.” Scott reached back over the couch and down to give her side a playful squeeze.

Tessa giggled and squirmed. “Just read it.” She swatted his hand away. “You need to read it, too.” She told the other Tessa, patting her shoulder and nudging her closer.

“Okay, if you’re sure.” Tessa smiled and shuffled closer to see the page as Scott held it open for all three to read.

Tessa swayed against the back of the couch as the adults read. She knew it all by heart anyway.

Shortly after starting to read Tessa gasped and covered her mouth with a hand, her eyes wide as she read on.

Tessa studied her father. His face was serious and still until he neared the end when his shoulders began to shake and tears swam in his eyes.

He shoved the letter at the woman next to him to finish reading and covered his face with his hands, drawing in deep breaths as he sought to drag his emotions back under control.

Tessa reached out to rub her father’s back in the long soothing sweeps he used to comfort her.

With a choked cry he reached for her and pulled her over the back of the couch and into his arms as the other Tessa ducked out of the way of her flying feet, her eyes fixed to the white sheet of paper as she read it through again. He cradled his daughter on his lap and buried his face against her back. He hugged her as though he could reach through time and hug her mother.

He whispered ‘thank you’ over and over against her hair and kissed her head.

Tessa grinned through tears and reached to pull the woman she knew would soon be her new mother into the hug with them. Her dad sniffed back his tears and wrapped his arms around them both.

“This might not be the time, but it feels like it.” Her dad released her and leaned away a little, settling her onto his lap more securely.

She watched as he reached out and brushed his thumbs over the tears on Tessa’s cheek.

With no more preamble than a deep breath he asked, “Marry me, Tessa?”

Tessa nodded, and half laughed half choked on tears of happiness. “Yes.” A bright smile shone from her like a brilliant sun through a rainy day.

Tessa’s dad punched the air and gave a cheer, jostling her in his lap. He leaned over and kissed his fiancé firmly.

Tessa bounced on his knees, clapping and cheering.

Her dad drew them both back into his arms for more hugs.

A few big squeezes later Tessa jumped suddenly remembered the hat hanging up in her room that her mother had mentioned in the letter as having been passed on to her by this Tessa. She ran to her room to grab it and returned to hold it out a little shyly.

“Would you like to have this back? I guess it’s really yours, huh.”

Tessa smiled warmly at her and stroked the white knitted yarn of the hat in fond remembrance. “It’s okay. You keep it. I’m sure it looks best on you anyway.” She took the hat from her hands and placed it on her head, arranging her dark hair nicely under it. “Beautiful,” she pronounced.

Tessa grinned and looked at her dad who winked at her. After a pause she asked if they could go to the park. She wanted to show off her favourite parts.

Her dad chuckled and nodded. Plans were made for a picnic lunch.

 

* * *

 

They wandered the pathways of the park for a couple of hours before finding a good spot beneath a shade tree for lunch. They chatted about anything that came to mind, Tessa’s school, her friends, the number of squirrels in the park, their favourite flowers and birds. As the subject of insects came around Tessa gasped and reached for her phone.

“I promised to let Emma and Julian know what happened. Can I take a photo of us to show them?”

At their agreement she turned the camera on all three of them and snapped the photo as her dad and Tessa leaned over her shoulders and smiled. She sent the photo to her two friends with the comment, “Ahhhhhh! It worked!”

Her dad stretched and lay back on the picnic rug. His arms flung wide and he drew them both down with him.

“I don’t know which one of you I want to kiss more, so it’ll have to be both.” He placed five kisses on his daughter’s cheeks as she lay tucked into his side and then five on his fiancé’s.

“I love my Tessas!” He rolled over Tessa to pull his fiancé into his arms as well.

“Ah, Dad! You’re squishing me!”

“You’re fine.” He ignored her plea.

Tessa wriggled under his arms and gave an exaggerated gasp for air.

He relaxed his arms as all three burst out laughing.

Tessa squirmed her body around to face the woman who would soon be her new mother. They grinned at each other for a moment until Tessa said, “I’m glad you’re in our family now.”

Tessa nodded in agreement. Her voice sounded a little choked as she whispered, “I am too.” She hugged her close and kissed her head. “Thank you, Tessa.”

“That’s okay.” Tessa grinned as her father chuckled.

Tessa wriggled around again, this time to lie on her back. Her new mom and her dad both hugged her with their arms crossed over her middle. They leaned closer to each other over her head and Tessa could hear almost silent kissing sounds and whispers of ‘I love you.’

Tessa looked up at the clouds floating high above the sweeping tree branches and imagined she could see her mom watching all three of them. She winked at her, grinned, and pretended to blow her mom a kiss. In her mind she saw her mom catch the kiss and hold it to her heart before blowing one back to her and holding two thumbs up. Tessa held onto the arms over her tummy as she giggled and wriggled her legs in happiness.

 

 


	13. Epilogue

A new wedding was planned and took place three months later in an elegant yet relaxed country wedding which ended in joyous dancing, some interesting feats performed with hay bales by the groom and his friends, and more laughter than anyone might have thought possible. The bride wore no tulle whatsoever. Her shoes were kicked off with a flourish part way into the reception, and she tucked her skirt up to keep it out of the way while she was spun and twirled around the wooden boards of the makeshift dance area by her enthusiastic husband, and occasionally her new daughter.

Life soon settled into a new rhythm. Tessa found a relatively easy relationship with her new mother, though for the first few months it was more like having a new big sister or friend than a mother. But maybe that was what mothers were like, Tessa didn’t really know. She’d always thought they would be more like the mothers of her friends at school. They seemed to always be frowning and there was a lot more yelling.

Tessa didn’t yell at her, she didn’t even raise her voice much except in laughter. And Tessa’s dad made her laugh a lot. She loved watching them. There were lots of games and poking and hugging.

It wasn’t all perfect though. She would always remember one morning with absolute clarity. She had been kneeling at the coffee table and eating cereal for breakfast one Saturday while she watched cartoons. Tessa and her dad weren’t up yet. She had been keeping the noise on the TV low so as not to wake them.

As the cartoon hit a climactic point the door to their bedroom was yanked open and she heard her father’s thumping footsteps rushing down the hall. Tessa jumped and almost spilled her milk and cereal. She let her spoon clatter into her bowl, turned, rose on her knees and peered over the couch to see what was happening.

Her dad, dressed in jeans and what looked like his shirt from the previous day, mumbled a morning, grabbed his keys and wallet from the entry table and left. Tessa gaped wide-eyed after him. What had happened? Was the TV too loud?

After a moment Tessa had come down the hall in her slippers. She gave Tessa a weak smile and a soft, “Morning, honey.” She wandered into the kitchen and pulled open the fridge door on auto pilot before closing it again and filling the coffee machine with water and generous spoons of the dark granules.

Tessa left her be but once looked back over the couch and saw her leaning and swaying over the counter while she waited for the coffee to be ready. She squeezed her eyes shut and then blinked them at the ceiling, sweeping her hands over her face. Tessa swallowed hard and turned back to spoon another mouthful of corn flakes. She did so with great care not to disturb the woman in the kitchen and managed to avoid bouncing the metal on her teeth.

A few minutes later she heard the sounds of pouring and stirring and soon Tessa was seating herself on the couch behind her.

“What are you watching, Bug?” Tessa bopped her knee with her foot.

“Nothing much.” She answered, turning to look at the woman. “Just Saturday cartoons.”

“Hmm.” Tessa drew in a mouthful of coffee and swallowed.

“Um,” She put her spoon down. “What happened? Is Dad okay?”

Tessa bit her lower lip, blinked and gave her a watery smile. She smoothed her hand over her knee before balancing her mug against it.

“He’s fine, honey. Or he will be. He just had a bit of a surprise this morning, that’s all.”

“Oh.”

“You must have gotten a shock, huh?” She put her mug on the coffee table and bent down to give Tessa a squeezing side hug. “Don’t worry. You’ll know everything later.”

‘Later’ turned out to be much later. Her dad didn’t return until it was almost dinnertime. When he did he was much quieter than usual. He gave her a strong bear hug and rubbed her back before kissing her cheek. Then he turned to Tessa. He took her hands and pulled her into a hug as well.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured.

“It’s fine.” Tessa assured him, her arms wrapped about his waist. “I understand.”

Tessa frowned and wanted to tug hard on their elbows, stating that she didn’t and demanding they explain. She figured she’d been more than patient about whatever was going on. Right when she was in the middle of an intense debate with herself over whether tapping her foot would be a good idea, they broke apart.

Scott took hold of both their hands and led his family to sit on the sofa. He sat on the solid coffee table, facing them both.

“Bug.” He began, his thumb pressing against her small palm. “How would you feel about having an even bigger family? Um, a new brother or sister.”

Her eyes flew wide and she gaped at Tessa. “You’re going to have a baby?”

Tessa nodded, her face breaking into a hesitant grin. “Yep.”

“That’s wonderful! Congratulations.” Tessa leapt up, threw her arms around her mom and hugged her tight. She then thought that perhaps you shouldn’t hug pregnant women tightly and relaxed her hold. “Oh sorry.”

Tessa laughed and squeezed her. “It’s okay. You can’t hurt the baby.”

With a grin and a nod she turned to her father who had watched the whole exchange with interest. She stepped closer and hugged him. “I’m really happy about it.” She smiled rubbing his shoulder. “Are you?”

Scott nodded and a smile not quite as bright as his usual lit his eyes. “I am.” He kissed her cheek and stood up. “Now what would you like for dinner? We should celebrate.”

As he pulled them both to their feet he added, “We’re calling the baby ‘Tessa’. I don’t want to have to learn two different names.”

His wife and daughter laughed and told him how silly he was.

“What?” He gave them mock looks of defensive confusion, “I like only having to yell one name.”

“What if it’s a boy?” His daughter pointed out between giggles.

He shrugged, “’Tessa’ is a good name.” After a moment’s consideration he added, “I think I should change my name. I’m missing out.”

 

* * *

 

Much later Tessa sat on her bed and twisted her fingers together over her crossed legs. An unanswered question still burned in her mind. She looked up to see her dad and Tessa walk past to their room and she called out.

“Mom?”

She taken to calling her that pretty early on. It was clear to her that her first mother wanted it so she figured she should get used to it as soon as she could. There was a bit of shuffling and then Tessa appeared back in her doorway.

“What’s up, Bug?”

“Um.” She shifted on her bed to make room for her to sit down. “Why was Dad so upset this morning? Isn’t he happy about the baby? I know he said he was, but… He seemed kind of angry.”

“Oh, honey, no.” Tessa reached to pull her into her arms. “He’s not angry. And he is happy, really. It’s just he’s a bit frightened and uncertain right now.”

“Why?” Tessa played with her sleeve as her arm lay over her new mother’s.

“Well.” She could almost feel her searching for words. “Tessa, do you remember how your mother died?”

She nodded. “Having me.” And then as the two events began to link in her mind she sat up. “Oh! Dad thinks you’re going to die?”

“Not exactly. He’s just a bit unsure.”

“Are you?” Tessa’s voice fell to a little above a whisper. “Are you going to die?”

“No. That’s very unlikely.” She hugged her tighter. “I’m healthy. And I don’t have the same situation as your mom did. But we’ll be very careful. Don’t you worry, everything will be fine. Now lie down and sleep.” She manoeuvred her back against the pillow and bent to kiss her forehead goodnight.

And it was okay. Although it wasn’t until his son, Owen, was placed in his arms and Tessa was pronounced to definitely not be in any danger whatsoever that Scott relaxed completely and let himself delight in their new family.


End file.
